To ask why do parents get softer as they get older?

[StressedOut1701]

Genuinely curious as everyone with younger siblings I've spoken to seems to agree with this...

I'm 26, have a DB of 18 and DS of 16. My mum had me when she was 20, met my DF (step) when I was three and then went on to have my brother and sister.

When I was growing up, I was never given pocket money and was expected to get the bus anywhere I wanted to go. This included two buses each way to and from school. I had to get a job at 16 to afford to eat at college and have some spends on XYZ. I had to pay for my own phone and contact, I was never allowed friends over etc.

As my parents have gotten older, they have gone completely soft and my DB and DS want for nothing. They have phones paid for them, get lifts wherever they want to go and get £20 pocket money each a week! My mum is still driving my DS to college despite having a free bus pass and buses being every 15 mins! She is definitely the most favoured out of us!

It's defenitely not a money thing as they are worse off now than what they have ever been financially.

My DP's mother is the same with her DD who is the youngest of DP's siblings.

Have you noticed that your parents treat the youngest any different to how they treated you? Or if you're a parent, why do you go soft?

I find I'm better at picking my battles with the younger one than I ever was with the first. I am faster at shutting down bad behaviour and poor choices, but also I've learned to let stuff go. DS1 is 12 and DS2 is 7, so there's only 5 years between them, but those 5 years contained a lot of learning curves.

I'm youngest of 4 and my parents just couldn't be arsed by the time they got to me, I got whatever I wanted to avoid pestering.

My sister got loads more freedom than I did - three and a half years between us - in every way. How she dressed, make up, going out with friends. Whole lot.

And lots of it I got teased about at school constantly - my clothes were about as far from fashionable they could be (think ankle length navy pleated skirts from M&S when I was 8. My grandmother bought them and my parents made we wear them because I was going to be in uniform in a couple of years anyway). In secondary school I wasn't allowed to shave my legs, even at 14 and 15. My sister of course was at 13. I should point out I was bullied in school anyway for things unrelated to the above, but why give them extra things to pick on?

Apparently it's basically just that your parents are learning the whole parenting thing the first time round and are more relaxed with subsequent children.

I only have the one DC.

You try to be the perfect parent with the first one and do everything by the book. You are far more relaxed give up with subsequent kids and take the easy road. You've also learn from your mistakes.

I'd take it as a compliment that they think they did ok with you so they can relax more with your siblings.

I remember feeling resentment that as the oldest I'd fight to be allowed to do stuff then my younger dsis would be allowed to do it straight away. They realised it wasn't so scary/didn't have such an impact as they imagined.

Wherever you are in the pecking order everyone moans about the others. I see it with my sisters.

But when you become a parent you see it. You understand that it’s not easy, you recognise your flaws, your differences. No one is perfect, least of all parents.

We all just do our fucking best.

You can’t see it until you are doing their job for yourself.

Pick your fights and what is worth making a stand.

My youngest doesn't think we are softer with him as his siblings got smartphones as soon s they started to make their own way to school.

He's got a dumb phone that won't change for a while.

You start off full of enthusiasm for everything you read in baby magazines and child rearing books with DC1. When there are two of you to one DC, you have time for all that stuff and the battles that ensue....Arrival of DC2, and the workload doubles (or trebled in our case)....can't be bothered half as much!

For instance, DS never had any sugar until he was over two and old enough to be offered biscuits at other people's houses...Arrival of twin DD's; too tired up all night to two babies waking up! Realised you can't control what they eat at other people's houses, so why bother!

I'm 24, older sister is 27.
My younger sisters are 9 and 11.

Mum bought them a joint console for Christmas. They've been fighting over it, so she decided to buy another console.. so they have one each.

When I was younger, me and my sister both had desktop pcs in our bedrooms (that had been given to us when family members replaced theirs). When my sisters broke.. my mum took mine and gave it to her. I used to play games on mine, so was obviously gutted.

About the consoles, I told her she was crazy and to just make them share. But she said she would've done the same for me and older sister.. definitely not!

Also, younger siblings have their own laptop, numerous tablets, iPod touch, PS4, wii, 3ds and phones. They share an Xbox 360.

I also think that younger siblings are a little more mature due to emulating their older brothers and sisters

I don't think mature is the correct word but I do think, from my own experience, that the younger ones are more laid back as there is another child on the scene. So they have someone to emulate and also someone to distract them so they are easier to entertain ( when toddlers for example).

I know what you mean OP, my experience is similar. My brother was massively babied whereas my parents took a rather Spartan approach to child rearing with me.

I think it can be a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. The more I was left to my own devices, the more I did, and did it well, so the more I was left to my own devices... etc. My brother accepted more help and fussing, got more, so relied on it more. The squeaky wheel gets the oil and all that.

I think it's exhaustion.

I think it's been worn down, having two kids is bloody tiring.

We get tired and can't be arsed

I have 12 years between the eldest and the youngest of my four. I try to be fair with things like phones and cars but tech is more all ubiquitous now and we have more money.

I think they all have had the same freedoms and opportunities though. I am a bit stricter with the academics with DC4 because I feel DC1 under achieved. And I'm stricter from the start with getting good study habits in because I was slack with DS1 and expected him to shape up as he got older. Only he didn't until uni.

But DC4 is very mature and not babied at all.

And yeah, I'm much more knackered.

7 years difference between my 2 DC. I treat my younger DD exactly the same as my older DS who is coming up 20 when he was younger. DS was bought expensive gifts at Christmas/birthdays and likewise DD also has.
I think that after seeing a child through childhood which seems to pass in a blur, you get a second chance with consequent DC to perhaps enjoy them a bit more knowing they aren't young forever, and maybe a more relaxed approach is apparent and the desire to spoil, so its not a personal thing and that parents think more of younger DC. I don't think these behaviors are thought about on that level until like this, it is questioned, so its not a conscious process. By DC number 2 you are pretty much sleep walking into an easier life