To Wqant To Feel Like A Good Mum

[shanks313]

I have a DD aged 9 weeks and my MIL is forever making me feel like Im not a good mummy.

Everytime we are round their house and DD starts crying,its straight away "Oh shes hungry,are you feeding her enough?" When I know that most of the time shes crying because shes tired.
Theyt dont like how I dress DD expecting her to be in dresses all the time with frills etc.
Yesterday she aaked if I had a sun canopy for the pushchair,it doesnt need one bcause its one of those ones where the baby can be completely covered with the shades on the pushchair.
They are babysitting tonight and wanted to take DD out in the pushchair to stop her crying if ahes tired.I have said no as I believe in not taking them out or rocking to get to sleep as they will get used to it.
Whenever they have babysat before,all the feed times etc go out the window as MIL does things her way and when she wants,no matter what you tell her.
At the moment,Im feeling so upset with MIL as I just think she feels Im a not good mum,if I say anything to DH he will get upset with me.

Wow..in a way you're lucky that they have babysat so many times and your dd is still only 9 weeks old.

She's your baby,you make the rules ( although it's always wise to listen to an experienced mum then just ignore if you don't find it helpful),

But if they are beingleft alone with her it's not always practical to stipulate so strictly all the no's and don'ts.

Perhaps don't leave her til she is more setlled into a routine?

Ignore theirother commnets...you know best!

Bldy MILs they just cant help themselves can they?
Mine is a lovely woman (or so I thought), but has a way of making me feel like a rubbish mam, even now. I think they feel that having devoted their lives to their children, they need to be needed.
I suppose the grown up thing to do is try to ask her advice on things for the sake of it, or thank her profusly when she does help out (I have never managed to be grown up enough to do this though). Other wise just let it go over your head.
You sound like a perfectly capable mum to me and in your babies eyes you are the only one that matters atm.

tbh it sounds like your MIL is just excited about her grandchild! Ok, she may have got carried away a bit but I'm sure she doesn't think you're a bad mum. My MIL was exactly the same when dd was born and I too took it very personally - BUT then someone told me they'd met her and asked how we were getting on & she had raved about what a fab mum I was!? Never to this day has she said it to me but it made me feel so much better!

They havent babysat much because I dont like leaving her.
Unfortunately when DD was 2 weeks old,they had to look after her for 2 days as everyone in our household had a flu bug and we was unable to care for her and didny=t want DD to catch it being so young.She was very unsettled when she come home to us.
MIL now has DD every Thursday afternoon so I get a small break.
Its just that when I tell MIL what to do or what needs to be done she looks at me and goes "Oh" and then does everything her own way.
Its just infuriating me at the moment.

You're not a bad mum, but she's not being a great MIL at the moment.

She isn't 'making you' feel anything - that's what you've drawn from her behaviour (not unreasonably, I might add.)

What you take as criticism might just be her trying to be involved. A differing opinion doesn't necessarily imply judgement (unless on mn )

If it will make you feel better, why not say to her, with a smiling sigh, Thank you so much for babysitting (because you are grateful for that.) I'm glad you are going to have a good relationship with my daughter, even it does unsettle her routine a little at the moment.

Words to that effect, anyway.

I wouldn't worry too much about it, although I know its easier said than done.
If she's with you most of the time then she won't be used to being rocked or whatever to sleep.
Me and my SIL got the daft remarks from my mum, you know the ones, oh do it this way its better etc etc.
Just ignore it and take advantage of the free babysitting!