To know that I’m unliked by some but not care

[Wishfulmakeupping]

Moved to a new village and new development. Posted previously that there were clique wine nights on the development that I was very much a part of up until they turned on the new lady for no reason bitching about her size etc and I told them to grow up basically and that they were behaving like bulllys.
Wasn’t too concerned not my type of people I don’t do bitching, was friendly with another couple of ladies outside this group so met up with them from time to time and seen my own friends.
Anyway turns out the other two ladies are quite friendly now and I’m not being invited.
On one hand I think fine you can’t like everyone they maybe have more in common with each other than me. On the other hand I think I’ve someone managed to singlehandedly isolated our family from the rest of the development and it would have been nice for Dh to become more friends with their dh’s.
Should I care because I kind of don’t?

Look op you did the right thing, they are just not very nice people who you would not like to associate with anyway, sounds like playground mentality. Your best off out of it.

I find that people who keep quiet and don’t challenge people are usually more liked than those who do - I’m not talking about people who are horrible and rude under the guise of “telling it how it is”. Rather I mean people who stand up and say “ that’s not right”
Until recently I had a great relationship with my in laws, I would have said that mil and Sil were genuinely nice people. However, I recently firmly but politely refused a request and they have shown their true colours.
I don’t care, I would rather stand up to bullies than be popular. Well done OP

@GrannyGrissle that's great advice which I wish I had adhered to . I just wanted to be nice and jog along with them . Turns out I moved next to a power hungry matriarch who wanted control and if you went against her ideas and ideals then you were out .. ah well 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Nightmare sporty well I’m out in terms of neighbours that’s fine nodding/taking in each other’s parcels is fine by me.
Good to know it’s not ‘me’ and others think I did the right thing :)

I find that people who claim not to care really do, a lot. If they truly didn't care they would barely notice and not be talking about it!

I used to really care, genuinely a year ago finding out that the other 2 women had been meeting and not included me would have really upset me, but instead I was more ‘meh they must’ve hit it off more’ but then as an afterthought wondered if I ‘should’ be bothered iyswim

I think you'd have to be made of stone not to feel a little upset by that. When you distance yourself and look at it rationally I suppose you can think "I shouldn't care, I haven't actually done anything wrong here".

I absolutely agree with Granny keep your neighbours at arms length, just friendly nodding terms, a little chat if you bump into each other is enough!

@GrannyGrissle

I prefer to keep neighbours, even the lovely 'lots in common' ones at arms length. If things blow up/turn sour you are stuck with them. A quick chat, put each others' bins in/out and share excess bin space, exchange of cards (Xmas possibly Birthday), give and accept hand me downs check the old gimmer next door is still alive but no coffee dates or invitations. It's better to have different friends where there are set metaphorical as well as physical boundaries. Just works best for me that way. I really wouldn't give a damn about being an outcast, true colours always show up sooner or later.

All of this. Say hi when you see them, take the bins in, feed their cat when they're away, exchange Christmas cards, give their kids an Easter egg each etc etc, but NO to going into each others homes, socialising together, and knowing each other's personal business.

The worst neighbour disputes on 'Neighbours from hell' on telly, are 95% of the time people who were previously good friends..... It does eventually turn sour for some reason or another.

It has happened to me a couple of times in the past; me and DH have been friendly and close with neighbours, and for one reason or another it has turned sour, and they are 20 to 50 feet away from us. It got to the point where we were walking a mile instead of a quarter of a mile to the nearest bus stop, to avoid walking past their house.

Never again. I stay civil, and will help in a dire emergency, but that is it.

Just wanted to add that I meant to say......

The worst neighbour disputes on 'Neighbours from hell' on telly, are 95% of the time people who were previously neighbours who became good friends..... and were constantly in and out of each other's homes, and in and out of each other's pockets, and in each other's business all the time.

It does eventually turn sour for some reason or another.

As I have mentioned before, I have agoraphobia and social phobia. Various doctors and psychiatrists have said, 'Are you sure you don't miss socialising and going out'. In a word NO, and I think this backs up why I am the way I am.

it's really not the same thing at all as you're tarring the whole world with the same brush - but glad you're getting help for your agoraphobia and social phobia

ah the new build mafia !
so glad you stood up to them
they are probably shocked that you don't want to be in their gang

In time people will remember you as the one who bailed on the cliques and the politics. They might not remember til they're gettting a cold shoulder but you could still end up having friends from this group, even tho u dont care either way.