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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hate at first sight

18 replies

FloppyDoodle · 01/03/2018 07:36

Has anybody else ever experienced this? It may just be me being a weirdo, but a couple of times that I've been introduced to new people I have a strong feeling that I can't stand them, and I don't even now why. It's not as if I even met them before. Once I get to know them, I see that they're actually quite nice, but I can't understand my inexplicable dislike of them at first sight. Is it just me?

OP posts:

falang · 01/03/2018 07:48

No yanbu. I feel that too sometimes. I don't tell anyone though because it's not very nice. It's an instinct thing.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/03/2018 07:50

Yes. Sometimes I think they're OK for a bit, but usually when I know them properly, go back to my first instinct.

Accountant222 · 01/03/2018 08:07

Yes absolutely and every one thinks they're great and are fawning all over them.

whoareyoukidding · 01/03/2018 08:11

I've experienced this too, but not without any reason at all. Often it's to do with the way they seem to be looking down their nose at others, or if they have stroppy body language.

EffingJeffer · 01/03/2018 08:12

Yes. It's usually in the eyes for me. I've had feelings before with eyes where I just think "I can tell you're not a nice person" and I'm always right.

As pp says, I'd never say it out loud. But you're not on your own.

demirose87 · 01/03/2018 08:14

I can usually tell on first meeting whether someone is nice or not. The first time I met a girl I used to work with I just got this feeling of dread and knew she was awful and I was right because she went on to bully me for two years.

FaintlyBaffled · 01/03/2018 08:14

Yes, and I'm invariably right
Actually I'm fairly antisocial so my intolerance doesn't really impact on me, but I genuinely think life's too short to waste on people who I mistrust.

ThoughtsLikeButterflys · 01/03/2018 08:16

Yes now and again. Only once has my instincts been wrong. When I first met my now best friend my first thoughts were "oh we're not going to get along!". I have no idea why. We laugh about it now.

Allthebubbles · 01/03/2018 08:16

I had it very strongly with someone at work, they massively put my back up, and I'm pretty sure I acted pretty huffily. I then realised that in this particular instance I had a bad case of PMT and actually I was the one that needed to change. A yr on we work together regularly and while some things are still irritating there is definitely a very good person underneath.

I've often had it, either with people that seem too nice or who are patronising. I often change my mind.

The80sweregreat · 01/03/2018 08:18

I've had it the other way when someone has looked at me and i just knew they didnt like me / we would never get on and were just horrible without me actually doing anything at all or saying anything to them.
It was a woman who most people find ' difficult' but she has plenty of other friends and seems social enough with them, she seems to just take against others. its so weird.
I can usually tell a person thats going to be 'trouble' and usually right.
i tend to avoid if i can. sometimes its just instinct.

Idontdowindows · 01/03/2018 08:20

I get that too. Fortunately I've learned to give 'em a chance and about half turn out to be ok and one of them is now one of my best friends :D

IHaveACuntingPlan · 01/03/2018 08:34

There's a woman at a group I attend. She's good at what she does and has had some well deserved wins but I don't like her. She's too vocal and has a whiny tone of voice but also comes across as though she thinks she is more important than the others that she talks all over. Other people seem to love her though so I don't say anything.

Original poster

FloppyDoodle · 01/03/2018 08:37

I'm glad it's not just me then!

OP posts:

The80sweregreat · 01/03/2018 08:49

Some people just seem to get on with others that i wouldnt - i think i get on with people other people dont seem to like much - relationships and friendships are strange things.

WunWegWunDarWun · 01/03/2018 08:51

Not on first sight, but definitely on first opening their mouth. Probably not hate really, but definitely dislike.

pinkdelight · 01/03/2018 09:06

Quite often the people I dislike to start with turn out to be my closest friends. Even my DH!

My theory is that if someone is similar to me, I find them irritating (not through any self-loathing issues, just because we tend to be a bit sick of ourselves) and am drawn to people who are different... who then turn out not to be not great mates for me (quelle surprise) while the ones I initially disliked turn out to be much better mates with lots in common.

Or maybe I'm just a duff judge of character to begin with. But essentially yes, I've felt hate at first sight and often been wrong. So I wouldn't set too much store by it. Stay open and give people a chance.

pinkdelight · 01/03/2018 09:07

My other analogy is that it's like an album, where you listen to the hits loads and dislike or even hate some of the album tracks, but over time the hits start to grate while you come to appreciate the album tracks for their other qualities and they become your favourites after all.

covertoperation · 01/03/2018 09:08

It's called listening to your gut... it's rarely wrong! I get this too... and I'm usually right. My granny was a brilliant judge of character, she could have just looked at someone and knew they were a wrong'un! And she was NEVER wrong. My mum is the same!

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