To feel afraid alone in hotels

[Allthecremeeggs]

I have to travel about once a month for work and I hate it. I get so afraid staying in hotels by myself. I have to travel to various European cities.

I always ask for a room on the ground or first floor but don’t always get it. Things that make me really anxious include;

Returning to my room late at night - often necessary after evening functions - where the corridor is dark and the lights only switch on when you walk under them. I was in a hotel like that last night where my room was in a separate building connected to the main hotel by a dark corridor and I didn’t sleep with fear of having to walk through those corridors for my early start. I had to phone my DH and get him to stay on the phone to me as I walked. I was nearly in tears.

Having an adjoining room separated only by a locked door. This happened to me last year and I could hear the lone man in the room next door stumbling around drunk. I was rigid with fear.

I always sleep with the lights on and a chair under the door. I am constantly on high alert and convinced someone is going to attack me somehow.

This isn’t normal, is it?

I should add I am also terrified of taxis driven by men. Last week I was in one to the airport and the driver took an unfamiliar route. I was convinced he was taking me to some deserted place to rape and kill me and was nearly in tears by the time we got to the airport.

I'm not sure this level of fear is usual, I am a little nervous when staying alone in a hotel for work buy usually manage to get some sleep. When work book the room they automatically request a room near the lift so I never have to walk far down the corridor. This does mean you hear everyone comedy past at night however.

No. That is not normal.

How do you feel about the travelling itself? Are you OK on the journey/doing work in overseas offices (presumably)?
Are you this terrified in hotels in the UK?

I think you need to look at getting some support for your anxiety. Or a different job.

I worked in hotels for almost 17 years, absolutely nothing that you fear ever happened to anybody.

No that doesn't sound normal

Yes I feel a little nervous if the hotel looks dodgy, often may be a nicer area than is immediately apparent

For taxis I often have google maps open yet that is likely more checking they are not going massively out of the way. Have you tried Uber in EU if you also use in UK?

Do you have the option to always be booked into a well-known chain like Hilton / Marriott etc for more familiarity?

Hi, I am not so bad in the UK, I only ever travel to London and there’s a hotel I know well now who always put me on the ground floor.

I’ve experimented with chains but they never seem to be able to give me a low floor and I’ve also had the adjoining room thing in a chain. But on balance they are probably better.

I think I do need to see someone, and also get a job without travel. I do enjoy the travel part and the work, seeing new places and new people. The hotel and taxi bit spoils it though.

Thanks Snowiest that’s reassuring.

I also travel for work and had more worries when I did it less. Also American motel type places that open onto the outside!

But time and habit and nothing happening has reduced it a bit.

Someone actually tried my door at 3am recently and I just rolled over and went back to sleep. Drunk idiot rather than predator!

Do you think more precautions would make you feel better (door alarm, maglite for dark corridors etc.) or it's this a bigger issue and maybe meds?

I don’t think this amount of fear is normal at all. I am wary when travelling alone but can’t remember ever being scared. The chances of someone attacking you in a hotel are extremely tiny.

Have you spoken to a professional about it at all?

Speaking as someone who has anxiety I strongly suggest seeing a gp. X

There’s a door alarm you can buy for hotel doors. Get one for the external door, another for the connecting doors (if any).

From a practical point of view. Stick with hotel chains but join their membership schemes. When I was a PA and booking travel a lot this meant that requests for rooms were facilitated. I later sighed up to the Hilton scheme myself and found it worked really well.

I do agree through that you should seek some support. This isn't normal. I get a bit anxious about taxis but tackle it by telling people when I'm in the taxi and when I'm out so they know where I am. I also don't like walking in the dark or answering the door when it's dark. I do still force myself to do it. I think I have inherited this all from my mother who is over cautious about lots of things.

Yeah this isn't normal. I think you shld see your doctor about it

I travel a lot and take sensible precautions (chain across the door or whatever) but nothing like you describe. I think it would be worthwhile getting some help with your anxiety as it must be horrible.

Not normal to be that afraid, but what can you do about it?

Yes get some help, maybe CBT but also practical things.

You can get rape alarms that you can fit to doors. I always have a torch in my handbag, currently a wind up one that is only slightly bigger than a key fob it has been useful on a number of occasions.

Get a couple of plastic door wedges, more effective than a chair and can be put under an adjoining room door.

I travel a lot for work, and also have horrific anxiety. Mine manifests more on planes though!

No, as others have said, this isn't a normal reaction, and I genuinely think counselling would help you unravel this and make it easier to deal with.

Please don't give in to anxiety, which can be managed, and give up a great job and great travel, without trying to overcome this first

Your anxiety is impacting on how you go about your daily life - time to see the GP and maybe try some CBT. Anxiety is extremely common and your GP will not bat an eyelid.

What is the logic for wanting a room in the ground floor?