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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my dad a psychopath or just fucked in the head?

42 replies

Tobythecat · 28/02/2018 17:19

I honestly don't know what the fuck is wrong with the man. I think he is on the spectrum but he just says such fucked up things.

I just had to take my cat to the vet as he hasn't been well, and my dad just said in a joking tone to 'put him to sleep as it's cheaper hahaha'.

He ALWAYS says shit like this about my or anyone else's pets. I've just told him to fuck off via text - he won't like that as he's a prude and thinks he's better than everyone else.

He will now ignore me until I apologise, even though he was in the wrong. I'm so sick of him winding me up. He's always getting into trouble/fights because he enjoys winding people up and upsetting them.

He just text me back to say don't you ever speak to me like that.

AIBU to tell him to fuck off?

OP posts:
Helsingborg · 28/02/2018 17:22

What spectrum is he meant to be on?

GummyGoddess · 28/02/2018 17:24

No, fil asked something like that. Said hopefully they'd outlive him.

ThePinkOcelot · 28/02/2018 17:26

Yes I think you were unreasonable to tell your dad to fuck off! I can understand why you were upset though. Point is, he’s right it would have been cheaper!

Whocansay · 28/02/2018 17:27

Seeing how his has no regard for your feelings, why should you have regard for his?

What you have there is an ageing 'special snowflake'.

EdinaMonsoon · 28/02/2018 17:30

If I have read your post correctly OP, I am assuming you are trying to say your dad is on the autism spectrum?

Let me be the first to say you need to educate yourself about autism. I have a older teen on the spectrum and I am on it myself. Neither one of us would be so tactless and rude.

KurriKurri · 28/02/2018 17:30

My XH used to say stuff like that all the time - definite sociopathic tendencies in him - he had no empathy at all. Thought it was funny to wind people up and make them upset, he could be very cruel and cold when he felt like it too. Luckily he was my H not my Dad so I could divorce him.

FellOutOfBed2wice · 28/02/2018 17:31

My Dad would say something like this (and I would laugh) it’s just our general sense of humour. Are you sure he’s not (albeit insensitively) trying to be funny?

NSEA · 28/02/2018 17:32

Highly offensive of you to suggest he’s on the spectrum.

Highly offensive to reply to what is obviously a joke in such a way.

But he clearly rubs you up the wrong one so gove yourself time to calm down.

Next time tell him to stop being insensitive

Original poster
Tobythecat · 28/02/2018 17:36

He was abusive, sadistic and cruel to my mother before they divorced - he would go weeks without talking to her whilst being in the same room as her. He hates women. He always comments on fat people or makes personal remarks about people. He has called me fat many times, even as a child. He would give me the silent treatment as a child and would give me chinese burns whilst play fighting, despite me begging him to stop. This is just the last straw really. I've tried and tried with him but I feel like I can't anymore. He has an evil look in his eyes if you challenge him and he always thinks he is right.

He's also a major snob and doesn't like the fact that I live in a council house.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/02/2018 17:39

Hell would freeze over before I apologized, and I think you should follow suit. Only you can make the choice to no longer allow his cruelty to infect your life.

expatinscotland · 28/02/2018 17:52

The only spectrum he is on is the spectrum of cuntery. He's toxic. Just block him.

tiredbutFuckIt · 28/02/2018 18:02

Psycopathy and personality disorders are on a spectrum; not just ASD that has a spectrum you know!

catfishsally · 28/02/2018 18:07

urgh he sounds so annoying

Idontdowindows · 28/02/2018 18:29

Your father is an arsehole. You don't need toxic people in your life.

Original poster
Tobythecat · 28/02/2018 18:30

Im going through a shit time anyway, i have a shit life because of autism, depression etc. I haven't heard from him since I sent him that message and I likely won't until I apologise.

OP posts:
DalekDalekDalek · 28/02/2018 18:36

I think you are a bit unreasonable to be suggesting that him being on "the spectrum" is the reason behind his behaviour. I assume you mean autism or another disorder? If you genuinely believe there may be something biological causing his behaviour then you need to take that into consideration with your reaction. However, suggesting that someone has something wrong with them because they behave like a tit is quite offensive.

That said, I would also be very hurt if someone said that to me about my cat even if they thought it was a joke. It's not a very funny one!

GrannyGrissle · 28/02/2018 18:37

He sounds like DD(4s) DF. Just can't seem to be nice, fit in with people and get on. He will overly try to charm some people, all of whom he will see as useful to him but anyone else he is pretty vile to (all the fat stuff, abusive stuff, not funny but pretending to be funny stuff you have described) and it's interesting you ask this question as I've no idea if he is a sociopath, psychopath, on some sort of spectrum or other (I think this is possibly insulting to those genuinely on the spectrum as I have NEVER heard of anyone with these characteristics though I've been on MN long enough!). Definitely a narcissist, could be living in squalor but lives on past glories, pervs after gorgeous teens and believes he actually have a chance -though he looks like Gollum but less cute- Am following this thread in the hope someone can shed some light on what is actually up with the man -who most definitely IS on the cuntishness spectrum at the highest possible end- Flowers OP. It's shit there aren't enough good parents to go round.

GertrudeCB · 28/02/2018 18:37

Do. Not. Apologies.

Ellendegeneres · 28/02/2018 18:40

What would you apologise for? Are you sorry for telling him to fuck off?
I’m looking at my rescue cat and if someone said that to me I’d have told them a lot worse than to fuck off.
He is clearly a cruel horrible bastard- just because you’re biologically related, doesn’t mean he has a right to be in your life. So don’t fall for the guilt crap, don’t apologise.

rebelrebel3 · 28/02/2018 18:40

Hello Toby, just wanted to say I'm sorry you've had such a horrible time, your dad sounds vile and you have every right to be angry and upset and to cut him out of your life if you want. It's a shame some people are quick to jump on your language when you're clearly in a bad situation in need of support. I hope you can get some - maybe ask your gp about some counselling?

Yellowshadeofgreen · 28/02/2018 18:45

You are on the spectrum OP? So you know being a knob end has nothing to do with Autism. I think yes your Dad does sound like a psychopath. Therefore you are totally wasting your time waiting for him to change. Do you know what is far, far easier (note I said easier not easy)? Changing yourself to not give a sh!t about such a horrible person. Because that you have control of.

Kpo58 · 28/02/2018 19:08

Why are you still in contact with him?

Original poster
Tobythecat · 28/02/2018 19:18

Yes I'm autistic, and a lot of his other behaviours/mannerisms point to autism but I know inappropriate behaviour and lack of empathy can be one of the traits, that's only why I mentioned it. Maybe he genuinely doesn't realise or understand how callous and cruel he sounds?

Granny Oh my god. He does live in squalor and hoards somewhat. He is a loner because nobody likes him and I don't think he likes people either. He thinks he is far superior to everyone and that everyone else is common. He loves being a martyr and feeling sorry for himself and how hard done by he is. He also dresses like a slob.

OP posts:
Yellowshadeofgreen · 28/02/2018 19:44

Toby you sound nice, your Dad does not. You need to minimise your contact with him for your own sanity.

Worldsworstcook · 28/02/2018 19:46

Where my dogs concerned hell would freeze over and I wouldn't apologise. YANBU - it's not just a one off but a continual belittling of things you hold dear and important,