AIBU to think I should have been asked?

[Corkscrewbetty]

I helped organise an event with some other school mums. This involved almost weekly meetings for the last nine months and then two days' hard slog for the actual event. I dropped my DD off today and saw all the other mums in the meeting room having some sort of "post-event" meeting. They hadn't asked me. They're a bit "cliquey" and I always knew that... but I do feel hurt. The thing is, there were no parking spaces outside this morning and I noticed a big Jeep had taken up two spots, so I wrote a passive aggressive note and left it on their windscreen. Part of me wants to say something about the meeting, but another part of me doesn't want to become known as the nutty, over-sensitive mother (especially if the Jeep belongs to one of them). I've also been wearing a bright fuchsia bobble hat for the last few days because I haven't washed my hair... so I look a bit insane anyway. I don't want to make it worse. Should I just leave it? Wash my hair and move on? Or should I say I would have liked to have been invited to the meeting?

Change to a black hat and let all their tyres down. Nasty fuckers.

Wash your hair, treat yourself and ignore them. You don't want to be part of that gang

Wait for the next 'thing' and when they ask you to do stuff ask them what their last slave died of - short term memory loss?

Unless, of course, that meeting was wo discuss what absolutely spiffing prezzie to buy you for all your hard work!

By ‘post event meeting’ what do you mean exactly?

Bobble hat is normal in this cold, and actually says that you are relaxed about how you look and aren't paranoid about school run fashion - so good.

Cliquey mums? FUCK THEM. Simple as that. They really genuinely are not worth it - there are always groups like this, and they are populated by people that you would actually find to be small minded, boring, no fun if you did get to be 'in the group'. Likewise, there are always nice, genuine, funny, laid back folk around... find them instead, and be pleased that you've sussed Twat Mums for what they are.

Just float off - don't be huffy, but just don't bother so much with them - if you want to make school mum friends, look for other candidates. And obviously, say you're too busy next time for the school event, unless you really want to help out for the school's sake.

It's hard I know especially if you're new or keen on making friends. But you will get to the point where you find you really don't give a fuck about characters like this, and you simply leave them to it. Most liberating

I assume it's a meeting about how much money was made... what they're going to spend it on... that kind of thing. I'll get over it. And I might invest in a range of hats. Up my game a bit. :-)

Of course you should say something. They are bang out of order.

If that’s what it was then absolutely that was rude and I would hope you will no longer be volunteering to help.

Hang on, what they're going to spend the money on?

Are they the PTA?

Um, no they should probably not be deciding 'among themselves' how money raised under the school's banner should be spent.

That's a very different kettle of fish...

Do say something. You have just as much right to have a say on how the money is spent.

I would definitely ask them to their faces why I wasn't told about the meeting.

You should have marched into their meeting, pink bobble hat and all, and asked "which one of you cunts has parked across 2 spaces, huh?"
Then keep an eye out for the fun mums to make friends with.

You’re making a hell of a lot of assumptions there. But you don’t actually know what they’re meeting about. It could be unrelated.

It's true, I don't really know what the meeting was about. But, it was the exact same group of people who organised the event. The event was last week. I'm sure it must be related. It's not really a PTA. It's a nursery school. Under threes. I think they do get to decide what the money is spent on. I always have to volunteer and be one of those do-gooding twats. That's my problem. I'll just leave it and not help as much next year. It's more time spent away from my daughter and it's not like she gets extra special looking-after at nursery because of all the cakes I make and furniture I lug around. It's a thankless task. I'll just be an "average" do-gooder from now on. They can have a packet of jaffa cakes and half a tin of Quality Street.

Why do you always have to volunteer? Because of guilt?

WEll it could just be a misunderstanding.

Most people are reasonable and wouldn’t deliberately leave you out.

Why not stick your head in and say hello?

Not guilt. I don't know. I suppose it's because I want the best for my daughter. I'm a single mum and I want her to be properly integrated into life at the nursery. I want to give a good impression. I want her to have friends. We're also not in the UK. So, although I speak the language fluently, there's also a part of me that doesn't want to be left behind because we're not "from" here. I don't think they left me out deliberately. One of them is a nasty piece of work, but the others seem pleasant. I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill.

So you don't think they excluded you deliberately, and you don't actually know what the meeting was about? Maybe it wasn't a meeting - they could have simply bumped into each other and started a chinwag.

Maybe invite one or 2 if them for a coffee to get to know them socially. Make friends rather than spend so much time on an event which you now feel was unappreciated.