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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about this invite

22 replies

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/02/2018 11:20

My DH and I have been invited to a christening of one of his friend’s baby. I have only ever been to 1 christening where after the ceremony they hired a hall with a buffet laid on, ( I always thought if we had our DD christened we would do the same). Anyway we received an invite whereby after the christening they are celebrating at a restaurant £25 a head. Tbh from weddings to baby showers to christenings I’m sick of forking out. I was always taught when celebrating you pay for the “event” “party” etc and in return people usually (though not expected) get you a present. Nowadays you contribute to the wants of the host, plus get a present. AIBU to be miffed that we will have to buy a present for a kid we already bought a present for, plus £50 for the meal..:plus I’ll need an outfit as I barely fit my old clothes (ok not their fault that one)....

OP posts:
incrediblehux · 28/02/2018 11:22

I don't like being invited to a party and then asked to contribute financially towards it. So if I'm going to be annoyed about it, I just don't go.

UpSideDownBrain · 28/02/2018 11:24

I understand how you feel. So just say you already have plans. Don't get stressed about it.

Louiselouie0890 · 28/02/2018 11:26

Maybe they want to do something but there budget doesn't stretch so have given people the opportunity to join if they like. Just decline the meal part and go to the Christening.

Nikephorus · 28/02/2018 11:28

'We'd love to pop along to the christening but unfortunately we've another commitment afterwards so won't be able to come for the meal'

happygirly1 · 28/02/2018 11:33

What Nikephorus said. Don't stress about it Smile

TheCatsMother44 · 28/02/2018 11:34

Depends on how close your DH is to his friend but I would either not go or I would go to the christening and not the meal of money is tight.

I get your point but I also think that times are changing and traditional christenings and buffets seem to be disappearing and meals with fewer people afterwards are becoming more the norm.

expatinscotland · 28/02/2018 11:52

'I get your point but I also think that times are changing and traditional christenings and buffets seem to be disappearing and meals with fewer people afterwards are becoming more the norm.'

Then the hosts cut their cloth accordingly. There is nothing modern about inviting people to meal to celebrate a christening and then expecting them to pay for it. Maybe this expectation will die out when people stop enabling it.

OP, they are CFers. Decline. Don't give it a second thought.

If you're close, do as suggested and go to the church and not the meal.

Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/02/2018 12:05

Thanks, I actually have no problem saying no, haven’t spoken with the DH yet. Maybe I need to stop laying on the cost of my celebrations, same thing happened with my 30th, I hosted at home paying for food and drink and every other CF had dinners or hired a bar where nothing was paid for.

OP posts:
Happened · 28/02/2018 12:16

It's crazy, I'd be embarrassed to do that. If I was you I'd go to the christening but not the after bit.

expatinscotland · 28/02/2018 12:19

I'm surprised they didn't also include a tout for cash gifts, too, that seems to be another pisstaking trend when it comes to christenings.

KurriKurri · 28/02/2018 12:30

Everything is out of control these days (old gimmer !) I'm not religious but I understood that a Christneing was a part of a normal church service, then maybe tea and sandwiches afterwards. Not some sort of massive do.

I'd go to the service (if you want to)and take a small religious gift for the baby. I wouldn't be stumping up £50 to go to someone else's party; if you can't afford a big do, such that you have to ask people to pay, then you should be going down the tea and cake in your sitting room route.

PlanNumber · 28/02/2018 12:44

When going to a restaurant as part of a group I honestly don't think it's unreasonable for everyone to pay for themselves.

Equally, if a group outing is suggested and I don't like the restaurant/it's out of my price range/I have other priorities for my time and money, I wouldn't expect anyone to be offended if I didn't go.

Angrybird345 · 28/02/2018 13:16

Agree, go to christening then leave the CF to it.

restingbemusedface · 28/02/2018 13:21

I agree that if going to a restaurant for a birthday dinner or something then it is regular practise for all guests to pay for themselves. That being said a christening is not an event that requires a sit down meal afterwards. Some sarnies and drinks in a pub is fine (paid for by the hosts). Why do they think everyone wants to go for a sit down meal to celebrate their child’s christening??

Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/02/2018 14:32

Well it’s clearly cheaper for them- they couldn’t ask everyone to contribute to a buffet, and £50 for their meal is cheaper than them laying on a spread. I really am of the school of thought if you cannot afford don’t celebrate.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 28/02/2018 14:35

'When going to a restaurant as part of a group I honestly don't think it's unreasonable for everyone to pay for themselves. '

This isn't a group, it's a christening.

GrannyGrissle · 28/02/2018 17:19

They want a snazzy do without forking out. Are they religious? If yes, attend the service only with a card an a Card Factory piece of Christening shite (or a bible). If no, no fucking chance.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 28/02/2018 17:21

Tight bastards

Decline gracefully and sure others will too
Who does this Shock

KC225 · 28/02/2018 19:04

I hate it too, although I wilk do it for a birthday but not a christening. As it's not family, I would decline.

There is nothing wrong with just family a few sandwiches, nibbles and cakes after a christening. I have gladly attended many of those and happily handed over a gift. But seriously, it will not be 50.00 by the time drinks, service and the person who leaves early and doesn't pay is divided up you will be very 'cats bum mouth'. Decline and spend the money on a nice leisurely meal with your DH.

Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/02/2018 21:41

Spoke with the DH, gently approaching the subject about the after church shindig (don’t want to go straight into slagging off his cheap friends) and the restaurant, “that’s different”..:straight away he said he was shocked they were asking people to pay for a restaurant and he/ we would go to the christening and then leave...woohoo!!!

OP posts:
Lobsterface · 28/02/2018 21:47

I can’t get annoyed about it. If it was a close friend and I’d know most of the people there I’d go.

expatinscotland · 28/02/2018 21:49

Yeah, sounds like the best plan. Just let them know you have other plans so can't make it to the meal.

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