To be upset by this

[LMW1990]

On Wednesdays and Thursdays DSD7 and DSS3 go from ours to their mums who does the school run. She starts work later so it's much easier for her to take them.

This morning we got ready as usual. DP went out to clear the snow. We live on a private road so it was pretty bad. I dressed the kids, gave them breakfast, brushed teeth and got them ready to go. Usually I leave DSD hair for her mum to do but given the snow and potentially limited time to get to school I thought I'd do her a favour and tie DSD hair up ready. I do it for swimming on a weekend.

DSD moaned (as usual) about having her hair done, wouldn't sit still and said it hurt. I managed not the neatest ponytail but it was passable.

As it turned out school was closed so I didn't need to go to the trouble, and I'm wishing I hadn't.

DP got a text from ex saying 'tell her not to do DSD hair ever again. It was a mess. I've told DSD not to allow her to do it again'

So now I anticipate a battle to do it for swimming. Great!

This on its own would ordinarily not bother me but I'm actually fuming.

DSS came yesterday in the jeans I sent him home in on Sunday covered in stains. The kids openly admit they don't get bathed between our usual Saturday drop off and Tuesday pick up. I wash dry and iron all uniform - she has in the past sent dirty uniform back for me to deal with (just shoved in DSD school bag) - because I can't abide sending them to school in dirty clothes.

Maybe in just ranting here and BU but this message has wound me up no end!

And breathe...

You're doing your best. It must be hard step parenting. I can understand why you are upset but try to not say anything.

Sounds like your stepchildren are lucky to have you and she was being ungrateful and spiteful.

Thanks all. I've actually been in tears about it. I feel bad for DSD and putting her in the middle. Her mum told her she didn't like me a few months back and DSD said it was OK that she loved me and was very clingy for a few weeks. I hate that it confuses or upsets her. Overall I adore being a step mum, I don't have children of my own due to medical problems but I'd love to have them in the future all being well. I love my step children and I do whatever is in their best interests, whether that be back off and let their mum do whatever or I take action if, for example, they need something for school for the next day. School letters are often forgotten about at mums so I regularly check the website so that DP can remind their mum something is coming up. Yesterday was DSD parents evening and DP went with their mum - as it should be. But I always take an interest in school work and home work is done here with me more often than not. Their mum doesn't seem to have a problem with me doing the hard work and chores but likes to point out when things are not quite perfect.

Just to add insult to injury....

Today I had both DSC as school was closed and I can work from home. I noticed both seemed to have a bit of an upset tummy whilst going to the toilet but they have both played and eaten with no fuss. They had tea with us last night, breakfast, lunch and I gave them tea tonight before DP took them back. Neither ate the same thing at any meal aside from some grapes and strawberries this afternoon. So I thought perhaps it was a bug as I'm feeling a bit sickly myself.

DP mentioned this to their mum on drop off just as an FYI. According to her, they always have a bad stomach after I've fed them!

This is just beyond winding me up! When DSC first stayed with us they would eat nothing but crisps and sweets or chocolate. McDonald's wasn't a treat but a staple! Gradually I've introduced them to a variety of foods and they must choose one vegetable at tea time. DSD now eats gammon, sausages and spag bol which 6 months ago would have been a flipping miracle. They both eat a cereal toast and fruit for breakfast and drink milk instead of fizzy pop. I'm not saying they don't have sweets or treats with us but it's not the go to option and they don't get if they don't eat properly first. I honestly don't know what they eat at mums as I don't ask, but they often arrive Tuesdays not wanting tea early because they are full on crisps and haribo (they come with the packets half full in the car). I've had to, yet again, bite my tongue... and come on here to rant at you lovely people

This is where their father needs to step in and talk to their mother. Their mother doesn't get to decide how their father parents and he needs to make it very clear she is not to interfere with your household.

Oh he comments. More often than not he has to leave just to stop himself saying things he shouldn't in front of DC. It's not so much interfering (not sure she'd dare as she relies on us too much) but snide comments. I might be BU to let it get to me but sometimes it just bothers the hell out of me and makes me question if I'm doing an OK job - which I assume is what she wants and she'd probably love to know she's got to me!

Don't let her get to you, I know I know, easy to say, but the kids know you love 'em :)

Thank you I think I just need to rant sometimes!

She sounds like a total chore! But you seem like a lovely stepmum and you obviously have a good relationship with your step kids - testament to your good nature I expect!

She’s just going to always try and find ways to have a go at you. It’s who she is. Your best bet is to make a conscious decision to stop caring, roll your eyes and just carry on doing your best. If the child decides she doesn’t want you doing her hair for swimming then so be it. Her hair will be tatty and sore to brush afterward. Maybe she will change her mind after a few weeks.