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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about this tradition?

30 replies

Lucylululu · 28/02/2018 09:17

Perhaps I am being unreasonable or a bit melodramatic...

DH is of another religion and one of his religious traditions is to feed a baby some rice, salt and sugar in the religious building. I feel a bit wary of this. I am really anxious about giving my baby food which isn't prepared by me and when I don't know anything about the cleanliness of the religious building or the person preparing it or the water being used to prepare it. (We are not in the UK and some of the water here is not at all safe to drink). My baby is only 7 months old so I'm just wary that if he were to get sick from food he could get very sick. His family have assured me that it is very clean and they absolutely adore my baby so I do trust them very much, but a part of me is always thinking 'But what if....'

My main concern is with the salt and sugar. I'd been really keen to keep my baby off of both of these things for as long as possible - I've read at his age that he gets all his salt from milk, and any more could be tough on his kidneys. Also, he's only ever eaten fruits and cereals before - I feel like it's a bit cruel to shove salt in his mouth, even if it is only a very small amount - I wouldn't like it, and I personally don't think it's great to do things in the name of tradition that might cause a baby any kind of discomfort or upset.

The sugar side I'm worried about is that he accepts all his food with a great appetite and without any added sugar and I'm worried that he might get a taste for sugar and start to turn down food without it. Also I'd just felt really strongly that I didn't want him having it. But should I just keep quiet and let them do it? They're all lovely and I don't want to offend anyone or be unnecessarily difficult. (They've all done it as children, as have all the children they know, so it seems really weird to them that I'm feeling funny about it.

What do you think? Am I just being a bit wimpy and overprotective? It would really only be a dab of each thing on a finger and put in his mouth, but I've just always been so keen to keep him off any added salt or sugar so giving him a dab of them both is the opposite of my plan. And the salt seems a little cruel? I feel like I probably am being a bit pathetic but I would like to hear it from someone else to reassure me! Or would you be concerned too?

OP posts:

lornathewizzard · 28/02/2018 09:22

I think you are overthinking it tbh. I assume it's the smallest amount and if it's important to your DH you should take that on board.

You do sound rather anxious, is everything else ok?

Atalune · 28/02/2018 09:23

I agree it is a small amount for a religious ritual. It won’t do your baby any harm.

steff13 · 28/02/2018 09:25

Is this a Hindu First Feeding Ceremony? The only thing I would be concerned about personally is the amount of salt. How much is it? If it's just a tiny bit, it wouldn't bother me.

specialsubject · 28/02/2018 09:25

There are many more harmful traditions. The baby is old enough to eat. However the water issue is real ( we take it for granted in the UK) and that needs checking.

Oysterbabe · 28/02/2018 09:25

I wouldn't be worried about my baby having those things as a one off. It's not like he's going to start nagging you for sugar, just continue feeding him as you were.

purits · 28/02/2018 09:29

Are there any children where you live or have they all been killed off by this ceremony?

jaseyraex · 28/02/2018 09:31

I think you're overthinking it OP. It will be the tiniest amount and won't make a difference to your babies diet, they won't suddenly start wanting sugar on everything. It sounds as though it's very important to your DH and I'm assuming you knew about this tradition before baby was born. If you really don't want it to happen then you need to tell your DH that but I'd be prepared for a lot of unessecary upset over it.

SersioulycanitgetWORSE · 28/02/2018 09:31

I don't know think asides from water it would be a massive issue. But I am oppose to blindly following traditions!

I don't like people doing anything just because it's always been done.

FairiesVsPixies · 28/02/2018 09:36

As a one off, it wouldn't bother me. It seems very tame compared to other religious traditions.

BananaHarvest · 28/02/2018 09:39

You’re being overprotective.

anxious2017 · 28/02/2018 09:40

What actual benefit will doing this have to the child?

Coldhandscoldheart · 28/02/2018 09:42

I think this sounds lovely. Remember food is about so much more than just nutrients. Having said that, I get your concern about the water. I think it’s important that you find out about that, and whether it comes from a particular source.
Could you get DH to take water that you have prepared, or a bottled water that you trust?

FizzyGreenWater · 28/02/2018 09:52

I would be ok with this if bottled water. But no way would I budge an inch on the bottled water.

When it comes to gastro bugs, your DH and all of his generation may have by the time they underwent this ceremony been exposed to vastly different bugs to your baby and would have lived in a very different environment. It's not enough to say 'Ah I was fine'.

pictish · 28/02/2018 09:53

Religious customs such as this are pointless and daft, while you’re being over protective and anxious...your baby won’t come to any harm.

k2p2k2tog · 28/02/2018 09:56

I am really anxious about giving my baby food which isn't prepared by me

That's really not normal. I think your concerns about quantity of salt might be valid and you're right to find out what quantities are involved. However, the rest of it about the sugar and cleanliness isn't reasonable.

Original poster

Lucylululu · 28/02/2018 09:57

Thanks everyone! Just needed reassurance I think. I too am opposed to blindly following tradition for the sake of it so just wanted to check if everyone else thought it was OK. @Lornathewizzard yes everything is fine - wonderful actually! DH and his family are the loveliest people which is why I wanted to ask before I said flat out no (because I would hate to offend them!). I guess I just feel anxious because the country we are living in is VERY different to the UK health-and-safety-wise so issues such as the preparation and water safety were worrying me slightly. Also I am very anti-sugar (due to being such a sugar-addict myself for most of my life!) but I suppose if I insist it's just a tiny amount then it won't make much difference. Baby is very young and still not been sick yet so I'm in the anxious new-mum stage, so I just needed some reassurance and I've definitely got it. Thank you so much everyone I am feeling much better about it now and will tell DH I have no problem with it as long as he feels confident that the water used will be clean and safe. Thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

Lucylululu · 28/02/2018 10:00

@coldhandscoldheart that's a great idea actually! That would definitely make me feel better (as water-borne diseases are a real risk here and cause a lot of sicknesses - both mild and severe). Thank you for your reassurance. I feel much better about it now

OP posts:

Original poster

Lucylululu · 28/02/2018 10:05

@k2p2k2tog I think I explained that part badly - sorry! I don't mean that I don't allow anyone else to feel my baby as I do! Other family members have all prepared his food and I know it is fine. I just mean that this will be prepared in a religious building before we arrive by people we don't know and in a very hot country with unsafe drinking water and very few (if any) health and safety laws, so I was just a little concerned about the cleanliness of the premises, the water used, etc.

OP posts:

FizzyGreenWater · 28/02/2018 10:14

So the water will just be some from the religious building, and your baby will actually drink it (as opposed to just have some rubbed on lips etc.?)

MichaelBendfaster · 28/02/2018 10:16

How is the health of other babies who have this experience?

Presumably they're generally fine.

I don't think you need to worry.

lottiegarbanzo · 28/02/2018 10:18

I do agree with you about the water, you need to be reassured about that coming from a trusted source. The rest sounds nutritionally pointless but not harmful in tiny quantities.

halcyondays · 28/02/2018 10:18

I'd be more worried about the water maybe being unsafe than about very small amounts of salt and sugar.

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 28/02/2018 10:24

In my culture we do something very similar. Salt, oil, bitter kola and a few other bits I can’t remember off hand. We gave my DS these when he had his naming ceremony at 10months but a proper ceremony is done within 7 days of their birth. The amounts are negligible tbh. It was a really lovely day and a way of keeping my DS in touch with part of his culture. He’s mixed race. I can’t wait to do it with my daughter soon.
I’m glad you’re going ahead with it. It’ll be a lovely day

lottiegarbanzo · 28/02/2018 10:26

The thing about how other babies fared, is that if you're in a place where water-borne diseases are endemic, their specific source may not be attributed. So you might never know how exactly how a baby picked up an illness, it might just be regarded as 'one of those things that happens'.

If OP hasn't lived there for years, she will not carry the same immunities that other members of the local community do, so cannot pass these on in her breast milk.

Or, it might be that the standards in this religious building are very high and there is no problem. I would want the DH (as the established member of the religious community) to be very particular and sure about the water.

Birdsgottafly · 28/02/2018 10:28

My DH had this done. Salt either drives out the Devil, or purifies. Salt is used throughout Christian/RC ceremonies, or rather was, now its often replaced with 'Holy Water'.

OP, I understand what you mean, refind Sugar kickstarts a taste that is unnecessary, but it is too small an amount to last. The salt used is too small to cause damage.

All your worked are reasonable, though.

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