To think I'm too poor for friends?

[toopoorforfriends]

I'm cripplingly poor atm. Can't pay the mortgage, have £0 coming in ( my own fault , personal circumstances and a failed business. I've applied for tax credits, which I'm told take up to 12 weeks, and can have advised me to apply for pip but again that's a slow process)

It means that I haven't put the heating on this year. I have an oil heater in the living room, two duvets on each bed and employ hot water bottles abs layers. So despite me and dc being fine with this I can't invite my friends here ( or dc friends) because people hate cold houses.

I can't afford bus fare to visit friends, and the insurance on the car hasn't been paid.

I can't go anywhere or do anything really, I'm literally too poor to maintain friendships. Aibu to think that when you are really on your arse and have nothing- you can't have friends either? Because, how do you? Even if a friend came by and was happy to live with the cold, I couldn't reciprocate. It feels impossible

If you were my friend and I knew all this I would come and get you and your DC and make you lunch/dinner/coffee at mine with no need to reciprocate. I would do this to see you, because you are my friend and I want to spend time with you.

Your friends may surprise you, friendship is worth more than reciprocating hospitality or expecting friends to always provide/go out/have tidy houses (even warm houses) because it about the person not all the external things.

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this, you must feel lonely on top of everything else you are going through. Reach out to one of your friends and tell them what is going on. If you feel like you can't have friends now, you have nothing to lose by reaching out.

Of course I know that my money problems are far far worse than not having friends. And I am trying to address that and praying I won't lose my home and children because of it. Friends are not my main focus. But being completely absorbed 100% of the time with the fact I probably will
Lose my home, my family and life, will and is killing me. I AM doing my best to get back on my feet and sort this out. I spent many months with my head in the sand having a complete mental breakdown after losing a child and subsequently my job, and having been in denial and not feeling able to seek help for my mental or financial problems has led me here. I'm sorry. And deeply ashamed. But a part of trying to get out of this is rebuilding social networks. And so yes I am worried about play dates and friendships (though much less than the other issues of course)

Thank you to pps who have said to be honest. I haven't been and no one knows what is happening other than me. I can't face judgement and voicing it all is so awful. But a supportive friend would mean the world right now, I would bask in an hour of chatting about kids and school gossip.

I haven't been and no one knows what is happening other than me

Tell them you'll be pleased you did. It's amazing how people rally around.

I'd be honest. A good friend would want to know and help. If my friend told me this I'd be straight over with some goodies or you could come to mine, I'd take a friend out for a coffee and croissant! If I thought she was really low I'd insist on a fun activity to cheer you up on me. I really wouldn't care my friend couldn't afford anything. There's loads you can do for free together.

A friend of mine is struggling but came over to hang out for the day. We snacked all day on the sofa then did a workout dvd

I think people can get resentful if they feel that they are always the ones having to pay, to take someone out, to bring a take away and so on.

If you reconnect with your friends, and they are trying to be supportive, you can offer to babysit for them for example. You can reciprocate a friendship without spending money, and to make sure things are not always one sided.
Don't go overboard, it's very embarrassing when someone who you know is struggling is over-doing it, buying something they can't afford.

Simply wishing someone a happy birthday, or a happy anniversary (before it shows on Facebook) doesn't cost anything, but shows you are attentive.

Real friends understand and won't drop you just because you are too poor to see them for a few months. If they do (after you explain the situation) then they are probably people you don't need it your life.