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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to check on elderly man from the neighborhood?

27 replies

CatherineTheTiny · 27/02/2018 18:40

Hi everyone,

I am a childminder and on my way home from dropping off the child I take care of I met an elderly gentleman (around 70 probably) who clearly struggled with his groceries and stick, so I offered my help.
He agreed and walked to his home. He needed some breaks and when we were talking he told me that he had bought so much in fear of the bad weather forecast and not being able to leave the house because of that. He also said he has no family here but some neighbours, he doesn't want to be a nuisance though.
Would it be odd/intrusive to check on him later this week, just to see if he's doing okay or if he needs something and can't get it himself? It would be on my way home anyway but I am not sure if this is a "thing" in Britain so please helpSmile

OP posts:
Wishfulmakeupping · 27/02/2018 18:42

That would be really kind of you op think he would appreciate it sounds like he was dropping hints hoping you would

Dancingfairydreams · 27/02/2018 18:43

Please check on him. He's allowed you to know where he lived so obviously welcomed the last encounter. Just a friendly knock will do no harm. Good for you for caring

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 27/02/2018 18:43

Can you think of any good reason not to? Sounds as if he would appreciate the visit. If not he can tell you to go away.

YassQueen · 27/02/2018 18:44

No, please do. We need more people like you in our communities :) the cold weather is going to pose a significant risk to the elderly over the next couple of weeks.

TheQueef · 27/02/2018 18:46

Do it.
You make excellent friends this way.
I have a mini genius committee of four friends I met like this. Grin

Argeles · 27/02/2018 18:48

Please don’t let our silly British hang ups get in the way of calling on this elderly man. We do often get strange about things like this, but we really shouldn’t.

If you don’t do it, it’ll play on your mind. I’m sure he will be extremely grateful to see a caring and friendly person. My elderly Nan’s neighbours call in on her, and it helps her, and helps to put our minds at rest to know that she has caring people around her.

You sound like the perfect neighbour Flowers

Original poster
CatherineTheTiny · 27/02/2018 18:49

Thank you for your advice, Ladies, I will stop by later this week and maybe even bring some leftover cake (given that the kids dont eat it all)

OP posts:
IvorHughJarrs · 27/02/2018 18:50

I agree it would be a kind thing to do
We have an elderly man next door and neighbours keep an eye open for him. I hope people will for me if I reach old age

Si1ver · 27/02/2018 18:50

I'd stop by and knock if i was you. If I were feeling energetic I might clear his drive /steps as well to make sure he didn't slip and could get out.

I do our elderly neighbours when it snows or is super icey.

DeathStare · 27/02/2018 18:51

That sounds lovely.

Callamia · 27/02/2018 18:52

Thank you. I’m so happy that my nan’s neighbours drop by on her even though my mum is round most days and we call (I’m several hundred miles away). It’s not only to check that she’s ok, but she also really values seeing a different face. Life can get a bit lonely and monotonous, so having someone different to talk to is a good thing.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/02/2018 18:54

You'll make his day I bet. I was listening to the radio earlier and it was urging people to call on their elderly neighbours in this cold snap.

Violetparis · 27/02/2018 18:54

You sound lovely Smile Flowers

llmb · 27/02/2018 18:55

My next door neighbour is 90 and I always pop round to see if she needs any shopping when it’s snowing/cold. I bought her a cake with the milk she asked for last week when she was poorly and when I checked on her today she tried to give me money for it! It was a present. I do worry about her. She’s not my reaponsibility, esp as a LP to dc, one who’s disabled but I worry about her and I don’t see anyone else check on her as she has no local family. If my nan was alive, id like to think someone would be kind enough to check on her.....
I think it would be great for you to check on your neighbour. It must be so isolating when they get old and don’t have family close by Sad

SluttyButty · 27/02/2018 18:55

We need more people that think like you in this country. It’s what being a community is all about Grin

jaseyraex · 27/02/2018 18:55

Oh please do OP, I'm sure he'd appreciate it even if he doesn't want to be a bother. I have an elderly neighbour I check on every now and again, especially in bad weather. She walks with two sticks so really struggles in snow. She always has a moan and tells me I'm fussing and that she's fine but I also always end up popping to the shops for her so I'm obviously not fussing that much Grin

DalekDalekDalek · 27/02/2018 18:59

Definitely pop in. Such a thoughtful thing to do and kind of you to offer help in the first place. Worst thing that happens is he tells you to go away in which case you've not lost anything.

Make sure you remind him who you are (when you met) because he might not remember your face.

Original poster
CatherineTheTiny · 27/02/2018 19:13

@Dalek
Right, I certainly need to think of that, Thank you

I am fairly new in this area so I don't know what the customs are but if you all agree that this is okay, I will definitely check on him. He just reminded me of my own grandparents (Who would be way too "stubborn" to ask for help btw) and I would really appreciate it if someone would check on them anyway

OP posts:
chuckiecheese · 27/02/2018 19:22

Please knock on the door!

If only everyone looked out for each other we would live in a lovely world 💐

AuditAngel · 27/02/2018 19:37

My mum is currently in hospital, but I would like to think someone would check on her.

PersianCatLady · 27/02/2018 19:45

I definitely would check on him.

He might really need your help and the only bad thing that could happen is him telling you to get lost if you check on him.

I don't even want to think what the worst thing that could happen would be if you didn't bother.

Snowysky20009 · 27/02/2018 19:49

Please do! That's really kind of you.

OhBeggerItsMorning · 27/02/2018 20:12

Good on you, OP.

I heard something on Radio 4 this morning encouraging people to check in on elderly\vulnerable neighbours because of the cold weather, it's a good idea to do it, even if they don't need any help at the time.

(It also reminded me of an elderly man about 3 months ago who just couldn't go any further, put his backpack on the floor and just laid down with his head on the bag. It was freezing cold then and he could have died had people not stopped. We wrapped him with foil blankets and coats, called an ambulance and went home for blankets etc. It turned out he hadn't eaten that morning or the night before; he was on his way to the Job Centre so was possibly short on money for food, gas meter etc. We did find out he lives on our estate, but not which number he lives at. I asked a couple of neighbours if they knew of him, but no one did, so I haven't been able to 'check on him'. If I ever see him again I will see if there is anything I can do for him, especially in this cold. It did occur to me that he might not have been past retirement age if he was going to the Job Centre, as he might have been signing on, therefore not yet at retirement age, so he wasn't necessarily even at an 'old and frail' stage, unless he has health problems. I wish I could find where he lives, but of course he might have moved to a nursing home\sheltered accommodation or somewhere suitable for his needs.)

Whatever local 'customs' are it is worth checking people are OK, even if they just want a bit of company every so often. Buck the trend, break with tradition, we need to break some of the old habits and get involved in helping our communities. (I might be getting on my soap box now, will back off before I start shouting and organising groups to knock on everyone's doors!)

Original poster
CatherineTheTiny · 28/02/2018 20:57

Just a little update in case you are interested.
Went to check on him after dropping off "my" child at his mum's (idk how to call him because he isn't my ds but that doesn't really matter right) and then just stopped by. He was quite happy to see me, his face "lit up" when he saw me (that sounds so cheesy) and he remembered me instantly and had also told his friends about me.
We had a little chat and he told me he has everything and won't need to leave the house anytime soon. He insisted on giving me some sweets (chocolate raisins and biscuits, I am not complaining) and a hug. I think I will continue to check on him maybe once a week in the future, he was so lovely and it really makes me sad to think he might get lonely

OP posts:
HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 28/02/2018 21:03

Our local community has been doing this, I’ve personally done loads to aid the vulnerable, as has my dh, / dh is still out shovelling snow, and helping emergency services get access to roads, hes also getting NHS staff to there work places, who would have been unable to other wise, also have loads of colleagues doing this also (unpaid and voluntarily)