To stay whilst unhappy

[AmIdoneYet]

Very unstable relationship. He is so up and down it's impossible to keep up. We don't live together but have 2 young children, he says the only way he could move on is to physically make himself hate me () and not be around me.

I am completely alone without him, no one at all to help with the babies, nothing. I'm not working but am doing a pretty intensive course.

I know if I was to end it he would be gone from our lives, I'm almost sure of it. Even if he stuck around for the babies I would never be able to move on easily.

He is definitely emotionally controlling, constantly 'gaslighting' me and although I've had enough of him, those few days where he watches the babies and I can get out are my only moments of sanity.

He is convinced we are in a relationship that needs to be worked on. I have told him continuously I'm unsure about us but it's just like he chooses not to hear that.

AIBU to ask a bunch of complete strangers what to do? I know it's terrible for the little ones and for myself but I feel as though I'm trapped. Physically, emotionally and mentally trapped.

You already have a strong foundation- you don’t live together or rely on him financially.

You are clearly unhappy and believe me when I say this man is never going to change into who you want him to be.

Can you go to mother and toddler groups in the area? Or join mummy social?

Life is for living! Having babies doesn’t mean you have to be indoors 24/7

Leave and start putting in place the things that will make you and your kids feel happy and secure.

Life is yours for the taking.

YABU, and you know it. Don't stay in an unhappy relationship.

You sound as though you're already part-way through cutting him out of your life; you see him for who he is, you see the damage he's doing and you see the knock-on effect it'll have on your DCs.

Take it one very small step at a time. Make sure your DC are safe, make sure you're safe and cut him out of everything.

How long have you got to go on your course? Studying can be brutal and making time to connect with others through playgroups may help you feel less isolated.

If it is financially possible, could you pay for some help with the children? Emotionally you are paying through the nose for your partner's help and it's not worth it.

I've tried these mum groups, I'm just horribly so awkward in these situations. After years of being made to feel I was crazy I just don't seem to trust myself socially. I've also developed a weird fake perfect persona which I know puts people off of me.

I have accepted I need to leave for good. He's no good for me but it's scary. The idea of being alone is scarier than the idea of staying with someone not right for me.

It's silly. Small steps is good advice.

I feel as though I'm leading him on by letting him remain a part of my life, but to be honest I don't think it's a choice I am making. He just doesn't listen to me.

@Laserbird16 another year yet. But once it's done I will be independently financially stable so it's worth it. Until then I can't afford help, every penny I have already goes on the kids and this course. I can do it without help but it's going to be bloody hard!

A year is a long time to deal with this but small steps sounds the best way forward.

If it's any consolation, I think everyone feels weird at mother and baby groups as all you've got in common is the fact that you have children. I've managed to meet lovely people though and found this website quite useful for overcoming social awkwardness www.succeedsocially.com/

Good luck OP and you deserve better