...in feeling guilty about this ?

[slimmerjim]

...trivial but irritating matter which has 1. annoyed the hell out of me

1. made me feel guilty which is EVEN MORE ANNOYING (sorry, pmt ish too)

Get home today with grumpy ds3 (3.4) at 12.30pm after his playgroup "Want to go in the front door"
"OK"
"NOOOO Mummy the back door"
"OK"
"want to go upstairs"
"OK"
"Mummy don't make me go upstairs I want my lunch"
"Stop it Mummy"

Check messages on answerphone.

One was from an acquaintance timed at 8 fecking 15am this morning - I'm long gone on school run for 2 different school bus stops + playgroup drop off for little monster - basically asking me to pick up her ds (11) after drama class today along with my own ds.

My guilt inducing act was to pretend all day I wasn't in and didn't get the message.

Basically it's good to help out..but during the autumn term both boys were in this group and XXX (phone caller) and I who live nearish to each other agreed, or so I'd been led to believe, to do a rota for pickups. Normally there's a return school bus for them but not for the after school activities. So pick up by car it is.

Great ! Except she never ONCE returned the favour of actually doing the pick up. We should have got diaries out at the outset and carved up the dates (I wouldn't honestly have minded doing slightly more than half had she been stuck) but I didn't know in advance I couldn't trust her. I assumed we'd mutually fall into a system. The one day I had pinned her down she called late in the day - about 20 mins before the end of the club - to say that actually YYY (her ds) had forgotten drama was on and just got the early bus home "Of course if you want me to go out now and fetch ZZZfor you I think I can do it, but..."
"No it's OK don't be silly I'll go"

So I looked long and hard at the idea of facing the prospect of picking up her ds every bloody week until July with a tired toddler in the car, plus my dd (7), with no reliable prospect of the favour being returned.

Yes I'll still go for my own ds anyway; but I'd rather feel not used so I don't want to pick up her ds too.

Would you do the same ?

Probably not but I am too soft for my own good and admire your stance! x

i would and i wouldn't feel an ounce of guilt, she sounds pretty manipulative to me - i mean to leave the message and just presumming youwould do it - nah, shes taking the piss.

Lift-sharing and pick ups only work if there is a share, not if one person is taking the mick. So I'm with you on this one.

Thanks everyone - I feel a bit better now but I hate it when I'm put on the spot, even though (thank God) I'd already gone out of the house when she rang. I'm going to call later when totally calm and say sorry was out all day blah blah went straight on to pick up ds without getting your message.

I genuinely can't pick up her ds next week anyway as we have other plans with another friend for afterwards, so I'm going to let the rota idea slide unless she rings me with her diary in hand to sort out sharing the dates.

I'm quite nice really; I volunteered to do half of a party run tomorrow for dd and friends, and if anyone has a genuine crisis like a flat tyre or a plumbing emergency I'm totally happy to offer lifts to their dcs.

What pisses me off about this woman is, apart from never picking up in the Autumn when at 5pm in the dark and rain it would have been nice not to have to bring toddler and 7yo out in the car EVERY week - is that her reason for wanting me to pick up yesterday was fairly lame "I've got ZZZZat home here with a cold (? eh ? ZZZis 13 years old) and might have some work on later. " She's a life coach ...

Don't feel guilty.
Sounds like she is taking the piss to me.