To ask how you handle fears unborn DC will have a disability?

[paperbagprince]

I suffer from intrusive OCD thoughts. I want to TTC no 2

I know nobody knows, and anything can happen at any time, a perfectly healthy pregnancy can have something at birth or accidents after even etc

I know I would love a child no matter what

I just need to know how to reduce my anxiety to simply get on with life

Please don't say get therapy... I already am.

Hi OP, my situation isn’t the same as yours as I don’t have OCD so I apologise in advise if this seems flippant, I just wanted to reply with worries I had.

I’m on medication that can cause spinal abnormalities and cleft lip in a developing foetus and prior to TTC my first baby I took a very high dose of folic acid for three months prior to TTC to try and reduce the risk. However, was still constantly anxious that my child would have these disabilities and going for the scans, especially the 20 week one was torturous because I had so much anxiety regarding possible problems. Thankfully the baby was fine.

When it cane to TTC our second child I was on a higher dose of my medication so the chances of disabilities were higher. I took folic acid again in the lead up to TTC but when it came to actually conceiving we struggled this time round. After about 7 cycles of failed conception I stopped taking the folic acid as I genuinely didn’t believe pregnancy was going to happen.

Four months later I fell pregnant and I was wracked with guilt about the fact I hadn’t been taking my folic acid and I was absolutely convinced the baby would have a disability and it would be my fault. Every day I thought about it constantly and it took away all joy of the pregnancy. In the lead up to the 20wk scan I was beside myself and on the actual day I was in tears because I was convinced there would be a problem. Thankfully the scan showed the baby was fine although I did pay for two private scans over the next few months purposefully to have his spine and lip structure checked again and again in case they’d missed something in the 20 week scan.

I think most pregnant women worry about disabilities and whether their baby is growing properly (for want of a better word) so you absolutely aren’t alone in that.

I have no idea how to control the anxiety because I certainly couldn’t control mine.

To what degree is this anxiety affecting you?

Do you have any reason to think your baby will have a disability?

You have to forget about it and think of whatever happens being set in fate.

Let’s say the child has a disability. You don’t know this now, it will not impact anything you do during the pregnancy so you might just as well forget about it.

Then you have to think whatever happens, you will deal with.

Also, there is never any point in worrying about something completely outside your control.

I have no reason to think so but I list ... I've got very depressed and had a terrible diet and smoked (changing all this now about to ttc)

I have PCOS and endometriosis so maybe my eggs are crap anyway and lifestyle will have made it worse

And my age (34)

There's no hereditary reason etc

I've got PCOS, smoked until I found out I was pregnant (but silly) and have a beautiful, perfect 4 month old sitting next to me!

And I use my phone a lot... I know this is OCD but it still plays on my mind thinking maybe I've fried my eggs... I'm sure it would be big news if that was real by now but it still goes through my head.

It's not just the egg though is it? There's more to it in whether a baby develops healthy or not?

The thing that helped me most was to realise that I could control some things (like healthy diet and taking folic acid) but that there was other stuff outside of my control (like whether my child was born with a disability). I chose to focus on the things I could control and not to stress about those I could do little about.

Thanks. I have to actually fall pregnant first. Questioning how much I want it... I feel like I will never be happy until I have another but at the same time terrified that I have one healthy dc and maybe I'm risking it all tempting fate by having another

What does your therapist suggest for these thoughts?