......to wonder whether it is possible to start your life at 40?

[RebeccaBunchLawyer]

Evening, all.

I have suffered with mh issues and possible ASD (both undiagnosed as I didn’t see the point/if it would do anything for me as an adult), and struggle but am a lot better these days.

As a teen I was bullied, moved schools to repeat a year and was lucky enough to eventually go to uni where for an easy ride, did an arty subject, which- although lovely and free due to being last year eligible for funding- doesn’t mean much in the world of work. I also trained to be a primary school teacher which, is not for me as I found I disliked children, their parents, working in a team, and all the pressures, which I really couldn’t cope with.

After a brief time teaching, I drifted through my 20s and 30s, and due to not being able to hold down a full time job, I wafted from low paid and skilled reception-admin-customer service-arty type jobs, and am still doing the same, approaching 40. I only managed to work full-time for short periods during this time, and obviously couldn’t save to buy a home.

Relationship wise, I have had no interest from others and am not up for anything myself to be honest- no libido. I also question my sexuality as I really don’t see the point of a man other than helping me get into the property ladder. I have no interest in having children, never have.

Basically, I am approaching 40, have no career plan or real life plan, no hope atm of getting on the property ladder (this, along with my mental health issues, to me, are my priority, I think), and weight issues- 4 stone or so, sadly, and don’t know where to start.

Am I too late to start life? For me, it’s not a case of restarting, it’s more like I’ve been waiting/paused my life/been asleep for years, and have woken up to find my life is half over when I haven't even started!

Obviously I have mentioned parts of this to people in my life but have never got complete, honest, impartial advice. Any advice would be gratefully received. Help!

Change can only happen in the present.

Why did you not get your ASD diagnosed? Have you mentioned it to yr gp

That phrase. Hanfedmy life

Sorry that should say - that phrase changed my life.

Didn’t want to read and run. It really isn’t too late to make life changes.

Something that I found really helpful for both physical and mental health was starting running - I did the NHS free Couch to 5K training plan (you can also get apps etc on your phone - but I literally printed it out and ticked the sessions off). Working towards small goals gave me such a boost. Have a Google and see. Even if you just take that as a starting point it may help you feel a bit more focused and together. It certainly did for me when I was going through a difficult period in my life. Good luck!

Have you watched Frankie and Grace? It's impossible not to find it uplifting. I think it may help you feel a bit better about your situation.

40 is still young! You can't change the last 40 years, it sounds like you have done whatever was right for you at the time. You went to uni and also trained to be a teacher so sounds like you have achieved a lot to me! Just because you have decided being a teacher isn't right for you, doesn't mean it was all for nothing. I'm sure you still learnt a lot and would never have known had you not tried. Nobody really knows if a certain career is for them until they try it.

I suppose it all depends on what you want for your future. There is nothing wrong with your life now if you are happy with it. If you don't want a partner, children or a full time career then so be it! How about trying a new hobby? It may be something you end up loving and can work with? You can meet new people and who knows what can come of it. It may just lift your spirits if nothing else. A hobby involving keeping fit would be even better. We got a dog last year and she is the best thing, just looking at those puppy eyes every day makes me go out for a walk. Even when I really don't feel like it I feel so much better afterwards. I've been upping my pace to get out of breath lately as I want to build up to starting couch to 5k (I am so unfit!) and I feel lots better already. Are you on any medication to help with your mental health issues? I'm no expert but I'm guessing this is underpinning everything here, if you could feel better everything else seems better and you are able to feel strong enough to make those changes.

I don't think you necessarily need a 'life plan'. I don't! I'm happy as I am, I suppose I visualise the future sometimes and imagine my life then but not really a plan. How about seeing a life coach? I've heard they can be worth their weight in gold? Just take small steps that are achievable. Be kind to yourself

Thanks, R2G, simple yet poignant words, Lemons, sounds good, Outy, didn’t like the look of it but will give it a whirl tonight, thanks!- and yes, silver1977, dogs are the best, aren’t they? I have two, and worship them. I do want a full-time career (am just so indecisive, I think!), and I agree with you re looking into meds, thanks!

Never too old! I'm 41 and starting going to uni in September to begin a complete career change! Like you I've drifted through life doing things that never truly meant anything to me. I always think of what I want to remember when I'm an old lady, do I want to think "I wish I had been brave enough".... Only you can change it, forget about your age just go for it.

I think it's always hard when you're in your head and trying to figure out where to start and what's the best route to go down. I have many friends who are trapped by the inertia of thinking about what they love and they start going through a spiral when they consider options because nothing seems good enough. I wouldn't put too much pressure on the next step. I would just start with what piques my curiosity - it doesn't even need to start off with a passion - and you'll be surprised where that leads, and then where the next thing leads. Don't expect too much, follow your curiosity and in a year's time, you'll be surprised what transformations have happened! Good luck!!