To think you don't HAVE to like your job?

[CurlyRover]

Had a run in with my manager recently. Long story short, it ended with him saying I HAVE to like my job, I HAVE to be happy in my role and if I'm not then I need to look for something else as I'm not the right person for the role!

I'm disabled, I have limited ability to do a job I actually enjoy. I see my job as a means to an end, it pays the bills and I allows me to do some of the things I enjoy.

I don't voice my opinion, I'm not obstructive, I'm good at my job and I do everything he asks of me.

AIBU to think he was unfair with what he said and that you don't have to like your job to get on with it and be good at it?

YANBU. I'm sure even those doing the jobs they truly love, also find things that are less good about it. That's human nature. If you're doing the job properly what does it matter to him whether you are having fun or not? Who is he, the joy police? He sounds like one of these annoying blokes who tell complete strangers to smile. being told to enjoy something inst going to improve your motivation either.

YANBU at all - many, many people dislike their jobs but continue with them as they need the income and don't have many other opportunities/choices.
As long as you're not half-assing the job, or constantly complaining then there shouldn't be an issue.
I would say though that there are probably a few jobs where you wouldn't last very long if your heart wasn't in it.

Why did he say those things? Really you don't need to enjoy it just do what the role requires. However, if you clearly hate it and its impacting on team morale or customer satisfaction then it's arguable that you aren't fulfilling the role. For example, I am thinking of people in retail that clearly wish they were anywhere else and it can sour a customer experience.

If you are confident you are actually fulfilling all aspects of the role, including meeting behavioural and softer skill expectations, then he has no place to say that. If you think he is trying to manoeuvre you out, keep a log of all these conversations and raise your concerns with HR.

In what context did he say those things and why?

No you don’t have to like your job but if you have an attitude that makes it clear to colleagues that you don’t like your job it can be demoralising for others to work alongside ( not saying you do have this attitude though it would be helpful to know what prompted your boss to say this)

YANBU - isn't that why it is called work and you get paid? The reward is financial. There are a lot of people who do really enjoy their jobs but I wouldn't say it is necessary to do a job well.

Did you tell him you don't like your job? No-one has ever asked me if I like my job. sometimes I do but at thr moment I am a bit Meh about it. I wouldn't tell anyone though - just smile and carry on!

Hmmm it’s hard to say, as it depends what your job is. A nurse or a vet I think really needs to like their job. Or anyone in childcare or working with children, animals or anyone vulnerable. It is hard to give a great performance in a role you don’t care about. But equally I imagine there are some kinds of jobs that are not popular and no one really cares about, but they still need doing. So all depends really.

I'm always upbeat in work. I'm positive and try to enthuse others. I don't work in anything customer facing or related to children / vulnerable people.

We had a meeting, he asked how a project was going and I told him I was getting frustrated with something as I've had numerous issues with it. He then tried to say it was my fault I'm having issues - it's not; think for example your laptop keeps crashing and it's a system error and not something you're personally doing.

He then said I'm not in the right role if I'm getting frustrated with issues and reiterated that several times. I told him that if his contracted job requirements are that a person doesn't get frustrated with xyz issues then perhaps no I'm not in the right role. That was when he then went off on a tirade about how I'm not happy (I never said I wasn't happy just that I was frustarted) I have to be happy, I'm not in the right role etc.

He's putting words in your mouth. Ask if you can record your meetings from now on.

he sounds like he went off on one - but are you sure you aren't projecting a negative attitude? It's the sort of rant you'd perhaps expect if you are always complaining about the same issues.

Of course you don't have to love your job - if I won the lottery, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing, but if it engenders negative emotions every day, you do need to think if there is anything that could be tweaked.

He sounds like a bit of a buck-passing tosser who doesn't want to accept any responsibility for helping to sort out the problems you've been having. He just wants you to stop complaining, shut up and get on with the job.

I would expect someone I managed to present problems and challenges in a constructive light, however.

Positive way: 'The computer system has been down 8 times since last week which means I've lost a lot of work. What shall we do about the knock on effect to delivery time? We can't change the delivery date - who can come onto the project to help me? Can we get x or y or a freelancer? If I need to put in extra time can I take it in lieu? Also shall we make a date to meet with IT to talk about these ongoing problems?'

Less helpful way: 'The system goes down every time I touch it. I don't know what's wrong with my laptop. IT are really unhelpful. Sometimes I feel so frustrated I think we shouldn't even be bothering with this! The people in X department don't have this trouble. We're never going to get it done in time... etc'.

Remember that your manager has to deliver stuff and keep positive. He or she does not have the luxury of complaining about how rubbish the job makes him or her feel. Yes, you get more money for that piece of self-discipline, but that doesn't make every other worker exempt from the need to be constructive. None of us feel great all the time at work but professional etiquette is a thing. Also - it's only work! If it's frustrating you need to get a sense of perspective and roll with the punches a bit more.

Without knowing your manager, we can't tell if a) they are rubbish and uninterested in your legitimate comments or b)you are a continual whiner, glass half-empty type, who has to be jollied along like a 4 year old.

When I voiced it to him I basically said "I'm frustrated with the system. Xyz has gone wrong which has meant be spending abc hours having to redo something/ figure out what's wrong to resolve it and getting nowhere."

I'm not sure how to phrase it positively tbh. I thought he'd be concerned by the time wasted redoing stuff but obviously not, he just wants to pass the blame to me.

No, you don't HAVE to like your job. It certainly shouldn't be any skin off your employer's nose as long as you are positive and productive.

But, for your sake, I think it's very important to like your job. I can't imagine being happy if I had to spend the majority of my waking life doing something I didn't like doing. Must be pretty miserable, surely? Would you like to look for something you enjoy more or are you content enough to stay? If the latter then no problem. But maybe your employer, though wrong, id giving you the incentive you need to make a move that you would make you happier in general.

YANBU. Some people are fortunate in having a job they love; others work to live rather than living to work. I think your manager handled this poorly - he should have worked with you to find ways of overcoming your frustrations with the technical problems you've been having. If he really feels your role isn't right for you, he should be having a constructive career development discussion with you to explore this.

Would you say there may be disability discrimination? The manager sounds odd.

I wish I had done a job I hated with lots of money rather than something I enjoyed at first, stopped liking through doing it as a job, and has left me a poor church mouse.

No you don't HAVE to love your job, but if my boss asked me I would certainly say I did - even if it was lying. From what you've said it sounds like he has a weird reaction and what you said sounded reasonably expressing your frustrations.

Sounds like discrimination to me. Or he's trying to preset you as a trouble maker