To be worried if I get my teen counselling how will it help or hinder her

[charley30]

Hi I'm looking into getting my teen a counsellor but don't know who I need . It's so confusing . I need help for her for angry outbursts and being able to handle her emotions better . To have someone apart from me that she can vent to . And most importantly to be able to talk about the things that are worrying her re her dad and I splitting up. She is an only child and she said to me today she feels isolated . I'm just worried about who I need . Is it a child psychologist an ordinary counsellor or what . I'm also worried that they will be scrutinising her for home problems even though I provide a safe and secure and loving home life but the pressures of school friendships and her fears seem to be getting to her . I'm worried by drawing attention to depression and anxiety she will dwell on it . But I want to help her . Please any one advise for the next step for me . I know she needs someone other than her mum to talk to . We game v little family support. X

I think it will help her, and I wouldn't worry about it encouraging depression or about them scrutinising for home problems. I wish someone had found me a counsellor to talk to at that age. I have found someone for my teen DD and she finds it really helpful.

Have you looked locally for any teen support charities? I used to volunteer for one and we offered counselling and a friendly ear. Otherwise talk to your GP, and look at the BACP website for accredited counsellors - see if there are any locally that have experience of dealing with teens.

I use a child and adolescent psychologist for my anxious teen. Its helped. £60 per consultation though

I personally think that a psychologist is a better option that simply someone who has acquired a counselling qualification

Try speaking to your GP, NHS may not be able to fund it/refer but they will be able to recommend private and the exact type your DC needs?

Have you tried getting school to refer her?

When we were looking for someone for DS (having been seriously let down by CAMHS) I googled local psychologists. I then spoke to the deputy head at his school who deals with such things to see if she had heard of any of them. It's worked out brilliantly and he now does Skype calls with her as he's away at Uni/sees her when home on an ad hoc or regular basis as suits his needs.

When DD2 needed someone to talk to I opted for a counsellor. We were very unhappy with her as she wouldn't discuss anything with us - not even to give us a rough idea of what the issues were and how we could support her at home. We stopped it.

My daughter was referred to counselling through CAMHS when she was 14 - she was self harming and we had a very turbulent relationship. She actually went to the GP herself with her 19yo sister as she didn't want me to know and worry about it.

It was very tough going for a while but it has helped her by giving her some coping mechanisms. She mostly had sessions on her own but we did have a session together that was very upsetting. However I think we both had a better understanding of each other after that and I think she understood that I wasn't super-mum and had faults just like everyone else and only wanted her to be happy which I think helped her to be more realistic about her expectations of me.

She's now 18 and still sometimes a bit distant (will only tolerate affection if she's initiated it so I don't ask for hugs or anything anymore but wait for her to come to me) but our relationship is much improved over where it was before and she's generally happier so I definitely think it helped for the most part.

When DD2 needed someone to talk to I opted for a counsellor. We were very unhappy with her as she wouldn't discuss anything with us - not even to give us a rough idea of what the issues were and how we could support her at home. We stopped it.

Ah - I used to be a counsellor so I never expected DD's counsellor to talk to me about what they discussed. Sometimes I only know DD has seen her counsellor because I get the bill through the post. But DD says it is helping, so I pay the bills and feel grateful.

If your DC just need to talk a counsellor is fine, but for anything that needs more input such as anger management, CBT or a psychologist would be better.
The school should be able to help with a counsellor, but your GP might be able to refer her to CBT if you cant afford to go private. There's often a waiting list.

Thank u all for the responses . It helps to know I'm not on my own also . We are all just trying to do the best for our children but yes it is a difficult time . She did needs an outlet and I feel maybe counselling isn't the way to go after reading the advise . I feel she would benefit from someone listening but also teaching her coping skills . I feel this is what she would benefit from as she wants to talk but then doesn't know what to do when she feels overwhelmed . Iv tried to encourage relaxation time and feel there's something more she needs x

There may well be a wait if school refers.

When DD2 needed someone to talk to I opted for a counsellor. We were very unhappy with her as she wouldn't discuss anything with us - not even to give us a rough idea of what the issues were and how we could support her at home. We stopped it.
But surely it's supposed to be a confidential release for your child - someone they can talk to knowing that what they say isn't going to be reported back unless they expressly agree?!

I'm not sure about school referral . Yes that is a good point . A counsellor will have a confidentiality clause even for parents . Think this would irk me too . !i want to know what is going on and try to help her but she prob has a lot she holds back . I suppose it's being a mum and wanting to be the one to fix it . 🙁

Ructation and Nikephorus

Quite possibly so but it was such a different experience from DS. At the first appointment DH and I attended to give some context and background to what we were dealing with. (Which was far more serious than DD2). She asked about what he was like as a child, his interaction with others, etc. We have since been invited back to a couple more for specific issues or general updates.

DD2's counsellor had nothing other than what we had found out for ourselves via the school but even that was sketchy. All we really wanted to know was if we were dealing with something more than teenage angst and if we, as parents, were compounding the problem when we wanted to do our best to support her.

Actually I do agree that it is often useful to have a family session with a counsellor - either early on or partway through - so that you can give your thoughts and decide how much feedback you'll get and find out if there is anything useful you can be doing.

It can be a really fine balance between involving family and not involving them. Your child should know that what they say will be treated as confidential, but also given the opportunity to have a family session if it feels like it would help them.

I'm all for family sessions / feedback - but only if the child agrees & knows what is going to be discussed.

Could you please share contact details of your psychologist? I need support for my 18 year old son. I found a psychologist in Harly Street but they charge 150 pounds for 50min.
Thanks

All mental health workers - counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, MH nurses, CBT therapists, ipta therapists, everyone - will provide confidentiality to your child if your child wants it. The exception is if there is a safeguarding risk.
Most therapists would encourage a child to share at least some of what is discussed with their parents, but if the child is adamant about maintaining their confidentiality and there is no risk then there is not much the therapist can do.
If therapists got a reputation for sharing the client's confidential information without a good reason then no one would ever go to a therapist.
If you want your child to be able to access mental health support then you need to accept that she may not choose to share it with you. Lots and lots of teens start to want more privacy and this is generally a normal, healthy developmental stage, not a comment on your parenting or your relationship.

Take her to your GP, ask about treatment/referral options. Or there may be a school counsellor she could talk to.

If you decide to go private make sure the person is registered with BACP or the HCPC.
There are some cowboys out there.

Definitely go with a child psychologist (they will be either clinical or counselling psychologists that are specialising in children) not a counsellor. A psychologist has a lot more training. Many will offer free initial brief phone consultations.

A counsellor will have a confidentiality clause even for parents . Think this would irk me too . !i want to know what is going on and try to help her but she prob has a lot she holds back

Charley, I think I remember you posting about this before. IIRC you’ve considered this before and backed out because you know DD is very unhappy with the situation between you two at home and you don’t want her telling anybody about it. Don’t you suffer from health problems and can’t leave the house and DD is your carer? And DD is very unhappy she has been used as a weapon in your split and made to feel guilty for wanting to see her Dad and his family? And you only wanted her to have counselling on the condition it only concentrated on her Dad and was reported fully back to you so you could stop it if she said anything you didn’t like about life at home with you?

Answer is still the same. Yes counselling would benefit her, but only if it was genuinely a confidential thing that she could talk about anything she is unhappy about rather than just things you approve.

D’oh. Zombie thread.