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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it’s selfish to have children?

25 replies

BlueLego · 25/02/2018 22:36

I love my children so much that I wish I hadn’t had them.

It was so selfish of me to bring them in to a world of hate and monsters.

OP posts:

Bambamber · 25/02/2018 22:38

But there's also a lot of love and beauty

Haggisfish · 25/02/2018 22:42

I struggled with this before having children and have had a few thoughts about it since. My friend pointed out how much joy they bring to the world, and I am often reminded most people are good at heart, most of the time.

Original poster

BlueLego · 25/02/2018 22:43

I’m struggling to see it at the moment, due to reading threads on here and the news recently.
I hate watching the news, it depresses me and I feel bad for my children

OP posts:

Original poster

BlueLego · 25/02/2018 22:43

My children are a joy. They smile and dance for no reason

OP posts:

flumpybear · 25/02/2018 22:46

There needs to be joy in the world and they're part of that - enjoy them and make them into good people who help others and bring happiness

windchimesabotage · 25/02/2018 22:47

'my children are a joy.'

well hopefully they will grow up to still be joyful and help spread that joy. Do the best you can with them and hopefully they will make the world a better place by being decent people. Then you will have given a great gift to the world. So it wont be selfish!

welshmist · 25/02/2018 22:48

In 1962 my parents thought the world was going to end the Cuban missile crisis. What happens in the world today is not as bad as what they went through with three small children that year.

HoHoHoHo · 25/02/2018 22:53

I think most things that people do are to make themselves feel good which is ultimately selfish.

missiondecision · 25/02/2018 22:55

What a depressing thread.

gillybeanz · 25/02/2018 22:56

stop watching the news, there's absolutely nothing you can do about any of it, none of us can.
Just do your best to raise your child to help to make it a better place.
it worked for me, maybe worth a try?

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 25/02/2018 23:00

I think children make us less selfish.

user1497863568 · 25/02/2018 23:23

YANBU .... I just don't understand the people who say it's selfish NOT to have children given everything going on in the world around us at the moment.

JaneJeffer · 25/02/2018 23:28

I totally understand. I love my DC's but I often wonder what right I had to bring them into this world and I hope that their lives will be joyful.

Thursdaydreaming · 25/02/2018 23:28

I think it's selfish, in that it's for yourself, but I don't think all selfish things are bad.

RideOn · 25/02/2018 23:32

Well it’s too late, so just make the best of it! and stop watching the news/ turn over / off, especially if showing something you can’t cope with now is being discussed.

Original poster

BlueLego · 26/02/2018 19:39

That’s exactly it jane

OP posts:

RebeccaBunchLawyer · 26/02/2018 20:47

Sadly I dislike children hugely (wish I felt differently) and move in the opposite direction to wherever they are going- I get no joy from them, but think it’s lovely for people who have them to like them.

I also feel that it is a bit selfish to have them for the environment and all that stuff in some ways, but surely you should just make the most of it now they’re here and take each day as it comes?

BustopherJones · 26/02/2018 21:08

Would you rather have not been born yourself? The world isn’t perfect and life can be hard but my life is definitely full of enough good things to be worthwhile. I think my children have a good chance of feeling the same.

FlouncyDoves · 26/02/2018 21:11

Melodramatic much

FlouncyDoves · 26/02/2018 21:12

This is like those FB posts where people reply with an ‘awww hun what’s wrong? PM me if you need to talk’.

Get over it.

JaneJeffer · 26/02/2018 22:12

FlouncyDoves it's nothing like that. The OP was just saying how she feels not looking for sympathy.

Eolian · 26/02/2018 22:15

There's no more hate and monsters than before. Lots of things are better than they've ever been. I'd much rather be alive now than 100 years ago, 500 years ago, 1000 years ago. It's sheer ignorance to think otherwise tbh.

Mogleflop · 26/02/2018 22:19

Of course it's selfish. We wouldn't have kids if they weren't filling some sort of desperate, selfish need. But selfish isn't always bad.

Maybe your kids will be happy they lived, maybe they won't. All you can do is try to make it as happy as possible for them now they're here though. Try to make them strong and healthy and emotionally ready for the world.

The chances are they'll be saying something similar a few decades from now. And who knows, maybe looking back with pity on us poor people who lived without the miraculous technology or healthcare they'll take for granted!

Original poster

BlueLego · 26/02/2018 22:48

Ironically flouncy I have never posted an attention seeking status on to fb in my life!

This wasn’t attention seeking, and I haven’t replied to anyone with an ‘I’ll pm you.’

It’s also not melodramatic to wonder whether bringing children in to this world was a selfish act,

OP posts:

sourpatchkid · 26/02/2018 23:03

Stop watching the news. It's so not representative of every day life. It's the one off tragedies that happen across the world.

Statistically most people aren't murdered. Horrific things don't happen to most people. The likelihood of getting caught in a terrorist incident is, statistically, insanely low.

The news will always sell us "bad news" - stop consuming it, start looking for the good.

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