Fed up of DIY. AIBU?

[Anotherplanet]

DH loves DIY; he's extremely handy.
We bought a house 2 years ago which was in a really good condition, a recent new boiler, good electrics and bathrooms. However, it had not been decorated since the late 70s/ early 80s and it also needed a new kitchen which was falling apart.
DH and I agreed, that as much of the work was aesthetic, we could take it on. We also agreed however that we would not do ALL of the work ourselves- many walls were covered in wood chip which would take days to remove. We decided we would do the work over a long period of time, not rush, but get help in where we could.
2 years on, we are just beginning the last 2 rooms of the house and tbh, it has been a nightmare. DH has not kept up on the deal we made and hasnt been happy unless he's doing everything himself. He's a perfectionist and it seems to take weeks for anything to get completed. He even fitted the kitchen by himself, refusing to allow a professional to do it. We have saved an awful lot of money which is great, but also I just don't think it's worth the stress of doing absolutely everything himself. We always end up arguing as him doing weeks of DIY means I'm taking care of young DS single handedly whilst pregnant. I also work during the week so weekends and holidays are spent doing 100% of the childcare and housework, I'm completely drained by all the mess and upheaval also.
I did once ask a friend of the family to paint the landing against DH's wishes and he charged me hardly anything at all for a full day's work. But DH complained about the quality of his painting and said he wasn't allowed to come again.
I'm so fed up with DH taking it all on himself and leaving me to take care of everything else. Every job lasts at least double the time he says it will, I don't see him during evenings or weekends so it massively impacts on our relationship and I feel hugely resentful as he seems to forget about the everyday housekeeping which gets dumped on me. Does anyone else take on all of the DIY themselves with a young family? AIBU to complain that this just isn't on and that we need to buy in help in the future?

I have exactly the same problem! Things seem to take forever, but he won't hear of getting someone in. We also fitted the kitchen ourselves, but there's still little things to finish off 2 years later, so the frustration of that almost makes the saving not worth it for me.
So no advice from me I'm afraid, but lots of sympathy!

I feel your pain - we are 6 years in and on our 2nd extension !!! Dh works and then comes homes and carries on - I feel really guilty for moaning as he's saved us a bomb but sometimes it would be just nice to spend time together! I always seem to be taking the kids out for the day to get away from the mess .

The problem is that you will struggle to find a tradesman who will work to your DH's standards, and a job not quite up to scratch will upset DH every time he looks at it.

I think we coped by doing things even slower, which meant that I got my downtime.

I've had 30 years of this and the house is still not finished. Now the dc have left home I've given up bothering.

Well, we did as much as we could ourselves when the dc were small, because that is all finances allowed.
If your dh is a capable DIYer and a bit of a perfectionist, then nobody else will do the job as well as him and it will just "make him twitch" because he will see work he can do a better job of.
If you have plenty of money, and want help, then why not spend it on a 'Mother's Help' or a cleaner or some other support that will mean you don't feel you are doing everything yourself ?

I'm in the same position. We have a 2 year old and a 9 week old and work is going at a snail's pace. There is still so much to do and we have builders coming to start the loft conversion in a few weeks. It feels like I'm going to be living in chaos forever. I wish we could just get someone in to do all the tiling, it'd be so nice if all the rooms had floors at least!

I hear you! It’s always a trade off between time and money. If we could get a builder or joiner to do a bit DH was happy with, then I felt it was money well spent. Two days of a joiners time was four days of DHs time bought back in my view.

You might need to hunt for the right tradesmen. The one we use regularly is happy to work alongside DH at times to move jobs along, but it took us a while to find the right people.

I sympathise but agree with backforgood. My DH hates relinquishing jobs he can do better ( in his opinion) and cannot look past things that are not done to his standard. This makes him miserable and this reflects onto us all.
I also think that it sounds as if you are nearly there now in ( to me) a reasonable time frame ; have the house as you want it and extra disposable income.
Add up the money you have saved and see if it makes you feel better!

That is the other thing Yikes. How miserable and snappy DH gets when he gives himself so much to do!

I totally agree that that's annoying!

Can I join this thread? Good to know I am not alone. Especially with wood chip.

Our problem is that our house was previously owned by a Bodge the Builder so DH doesn't trust anyone to fix it as a builder caused the problems in the first place. In fairness, he has tried to get people in but they come, take one look and give a 'fuck off'quote and scarper. Also, DH's work is excellent.

But I wish we had more time as a family. And I am tired of feeling guilty for staying in instead of going out to get the DC out of the way.

Whenever I hear about situations like this, I tend to think that the partners 'perfectionism' and 'it taking twice as long as it should' is a very convenient cover for avoiding domestic chores and childcare. OP, I expect you'd probably find some slow paced painting, by yourself, whilst you listen to the radio, and your partner does all the cleaning and looks after a baby and toddler solo, rather soothing.

Frankly it pisses me off that these partners prioritise their poor tolerance of some wonky paintwork, over their partners mental wellbeing after looking after small children all day long.

I'd be pointing out how unfair and selfish I find it, and that is is seriously affecting my commitment to our marriage, as a reflection of how I see his commitment to our marriage and family.

Just for some perspective: my DH has not done a single DIY job in his life, it is down to me or a handyman. I DREAM of a husband who takes at least equal responsibility in looking after the home. DH thinks homes need no maintenance, paint, repairs ever. He'd let it slowly crumble around it or stick on some sellotape at most....

Half the issue is the costant mess and upheaval regardless of who does the work. We spent 6 years doing up our first house. After 11 years in this one it is still only 90% done. We have had builders do the grunt work, and in some ways it has been even worse when they are here. They are intrusive, messy, and leave the toilet in a revolting state (!). It was worst when I was bf-ing as I felt like there was nowhere private in my own house and the entire team must have caught an unwanted flash of my boobs at one time or another. Awkward.

If you have budget get cleaner, and pay a local teenager to babysit so you get some time off. Also, there is no reason why you can't do some of the work and leave him with the dcs. As someone said upthread the break from the usual chores might be quite relaxing.

Anyone else's dh do jobs which they then NEARLY finish but not quite?
So then moves onto the next one?
He also gets stuck into a needless project while really important jobs remain not done.
E.g. Broken, shower, non flushing loo? Build a rat cage from an old cupboard which takes about a week 😩

Here here Ledkr. So many unfinished jobs! In one room, one of the walls has never been finished and is an oddly different colour *you can't get away with pretending it ought to be either! DH has been building a random cupboard for fun recently whilst also putting up a wall, painting a room and fixing the bathroom ceiling. I wouldn't mind so much if there was a method or plan in what he is doing!

The previous owner of our house was DIY mad. He was also a bodger. It took us years and shedloads of money to put it all right. Thankfully my husband has no interest in or aptitude for doing anything. I'm intensely grateful.