aibu to want to tell him he's being an arse?

[FrustrationNation]

OK OK so I'm not going to do it however...

Kids just got back from their dad who was emotionally abusive and controlling (still tries to be). He's never really shown any interest or patience with the two year old but I thought it was improving until I hear this from my five year old...

"oh yeah mum, two year old didn't get to come out today at all for not eating all their breakfast. Daddy made them stay home with grandad all day. I had a great time".

I'm fuming. They're two. They will not have understood that at all. We operate a short, two minute time out system which is generally effective unless tired etc.

I know this is just lazy parenting. Dad can't be arsed. I'm so angry. Why even bother taking them from me?

Anyone got any solid research I can send stbxh to point out what a dick he's being? Or do I just ignore and bring it up in mediation next week (our first session).

Wow. That isn't acceptable.

I wouldn't bother to email an arse, or send them information. What I would do is ask him to confirm what your other Dc said. Then I'd bring it up in mediation, in detail, and ask what happened now. His actions were inappropriate, abusive even, and showed a complete lack of understanding of the developmental level of a two year old and how to parent them. No, he can't have unsupervised ongoing access if he thinks this is ok. How you sort it, I don't know. But you can make it clear that you are not willing to stand by and see them mistreated by their father.

Can you check the story with the grandad?

Unfortunately grandad will side with him and won't even talk to me. I do have a family support worker so I'm thinking I'll call her for advice tomorrow. I've only met her once though and not sure if that's the right thing to do? Despite the fact I was assessed by social services following his arrest (released without charge, not enough evidence), they said I was a competent parent and took nearly three months to get me assigned one.

I'm just so angry and so sad for little one. It's breaking my heart.