To think DP's is emotionally abusing me?

[Felinefancier]

I've posted on a different aspect of this issue this before.

After being made redundant last year DP decided (without consulting me) to play poker for a living. He's making very little money (around £10 a day) and we have a large mortgage. His redundancy money won't last forever.

I have talked to Gamcare (the gambling charity helpline) and I think he has a gambling problem.

I feel I am being brow-beaten by DP. He refuses to acknowledge the word "gambling" and gets angry if I use it to describe what he is doing.

He says poker is a game of skill and he can build up the expertise to be able to earn a six figure salary within a year or so.

The only problem in his eyes, is that I refuse to accept this. If I would only read some books on poker and become more knowledgeable and supportive of him, his proposed new career could work.

He plays for upwards of 8 hours a day (online only after losing his bankroll in casinos) and now talks about very little other than poker. He is getting very boring to be around.

I'm very upset that he has not only made the decision to play poker but blames me for the damage it is doing to our relationship. I have asked him to leave and he's furious with me for 'kicking him out of the house' and asks why I simply can't accept his new career.

I'm exhausted and feel at my wits end and that I am being gaslighted. Everyone I've spoken to about this agrees that he has a gambling problem.

Is he gaslighting / emotionally abusing me and AIBU to end the relationship?

I think I remember your last thread.
He’s a fool and you’d be an even bigger fool to keep him.

It's hard to tell when it's all mixed up with an obvious, serious addiction, but can I ask.... does it matter? I mean, he's either an addict, or an abusive addict. Neither one good.

Having seen a couple of your recent posts, I think you would be wise to start putting things in order to leave /have him leave.
Do you have children together?

He is gaslighting you. From what I remember if your other posts the house is in your name so you can chuck him out. Tell him to come back when he poker career has taken off and he can prove he can bring in a steady wage for the bill (knowing this will never happen and even if it did you shouldn't take him back)
You've had a few posts about this and each one you say you are going to end it with him. I think it's time you go through with it. You are both better off without each other. You can move on to someone with more security and he can choose to continue his addiction or get help but that isn't up to you.

From your post I can’t see how he’s gaslighting or abusing you, because but he is being a complete fuckwit. LTB.

TBH I think you need to let go of trying to change him or trying to assess whether he's being emotionally abusive.

The simple fact is that this is not an enjoyable or healthy relationship for you anymore. That's a good enough reason to end it. You don't need any other reason.

He's made it clear that he won't change even though you're very unhappy.

The ball is now in your court.

FWIW I don't think it's emotionally abusive I think he genuinely believes he'll make a career out of poker. He's deluded. It would be the same if he said his new career was going to be a rock star and was learning to play the guitar.

I thought he was moving out?

DP ... assume you are not married.
Given his lifestyle and choices I would say your top priority is to ring-fence your own security before he blows the fucking lot.

Regardless of if he's abusing you, you need to get rid.
The issue now is he's refusing to get an actual job and stop living in the clouds, stop looking for excuses or causes to make him leave. Just do it.

Cut off his access to your money, change all your passwords and kick him out.

Do you have children? Is the house in both names?

You don't need anyone's permission to leave a relationship. From the sound of things you are at the end of your limit.

How many times are you going to post this? Cut him off and ask him to leave.

You are being even more deluded than he is if you stay with with him. Get rid before he destroys everything you've worked for, and for fuck's sake, make sure there is no way he can touch your money. Seriously, you can not get rid of him fast enough.

He's definitely got a problem. You really don't need this, get your ducks in a row ASAP and move on.

You dont need his permission to split up. It doesnt have to be a joint decision

Gosh he sounds unbearable. Poor you. Please start making plans and seeking legal advice.

I don't think this is gaslighting or emotional abuse. However, you'd be mad to stay as you're clearly not happy with the situation. I'd make plans to leave the relationship. Sell the house and get a manageable mortgage in a smaller place?

He's a bone idle lazy arse who needs to get up off said lazy arse and get a job to contribute to the roof over his head and the food he eats.

I work in gambling and the people who think that poker will make them a fortune are often NOT skilled at it - they're often totally useless at it and ultimately it ends up costing them their marriages/relationships/homes/family etc....
He can get a job and recreationally play with his own money.
I agree with others - if he won't listen to your concerns and isn't bothered then you need to get rid of him. This won't get better, he will continue to spend money he hasn't got on 'just' another 50/100 pound (on euro keyboard so don't have a pound sign lol) until he actually bleeds you dry. Get out now while you still can.

Thanks guys:-
1 We don't have any children
2 House has now been put in my name
3 He's moving out on Monday
4 You're right doesn't matter whether it's gaslighting or not
5 I will post no more on this
6 There are only 48 hours to go
7 I can do this

Onwards and upwards!

FluffyFerrets Chilling to read this from someone who works in the business. Message received and understood.

1. well done you
2. fantastic!
3. for the record if he makes you feel like you are going crazy then that is gaslighting IMO.
4. please don't be put off using MN for support - we all do.
5. yes - you can do this
6. Good luck 💐

I'm so sorry this all has happened, but you are making THE BEST possible decision. Good for you for taking control of your life and future! Stay strong and never look back!

2. So he's just going to sign it over and that's it?
3. Will you be safe from him? i.e. is he prone to a violent outburst?
4. Why not?
5. More power to your elbow!

VladmirsPoutine
2) Yes, forms have been signed and witnessed by a solicitor. Most of the equity was mine anyway.
3) That's a tricky one. I'm staying with a friend until he gone. Don't trust him 100% on that
5) one of the replies above suggested that I stop "posting" and start "doing"
7) Thank you. It's easy to feel powerless in this situation but I'm bloody not.

Good luck OP. You're doing the right thing getting rid.