How much does your partner help with housework?

[Yawnyprawn]

Trying to figure out if I am expecting too much here. My husband works full time with a hefty commute and I am a SAHM of 7 month old DD. I bf so basically I am with her and care for her 24/7, although DH will take her for half an hour here and there to give me a break. I do the vast majority of the housework; DH will cook, wash up and take bins out when needed but most other things are on a "if you need help, just ask" basis. He seems to feel no guilt at spending hours a week gaming or watching telly whilst i feel i don't really get much free time because i am always with DD. My free time is reading during her naps, which she won't take without me. I know he cares about me and DD and isn't the most practically minded person so he simply doesn't notice jobs that need doing, but AIBU to hope he will take the initiative rather than waiting to be asked? How much help do others expect from their partners?

Reading back over that, I think I being unreasonable. He works hard, he is allowed a bit of relaxation time. Maybe I care too much about the housework.

Can you afford a cleaner? Dh also works full time with a long-ish commute (I work part time), and it makes life so much easier!

Both of us work full time and both of us do the housework, dinner whichever one of us gets home first starts the dinner, we all clean up afterwards, we all do the laundry, hoover, tidy etc neither one of us tells the other to do stuff, we just do it (the kids are teenagers and they help out too but they do need to be told which is really annoying, I'd lose the plot if DH was like that tbh, I doubt he would have ended up as my DH if that was the case)

My husband does not ‘help’ as it is equally his responsibility even when I was on maternity leave. Have you tried dividing up tasks.

Does he have the same problem of not noticing things need doing at work do you think?

DH doesn't help at all. He just does his fair share. I work 3 days, he works shifts - 6 days in 10. I do the cooking. He does the washing up. We split laundry, hoovering, cleaning depending on who has the time each week. I do food shopping. He does the bins.

My ex never did a thing and it near drove me insane at some points. He wouldn’t so much as move a cup from wherever he finished drinking. Rubbish literally went on the floor if I wasn’t there to pick it up... it’s so embarrassing looking back!

My current partner does everything (I’m pregnant and slow though so probably a good job), he will go above and beyond always. But with my age came the courage to vocalise what I want and need. If you need him to do more you need to tell him, some people just don’t get it until they’re told.

I really do sympathise for you. I know that I miss that newborn stage but I also remember how difficult it was feeling like I always had a baby attached so I couldn’t just go do X Y Z. I also know how difficult it is to just give the baby to somebody else, I could never do that... but for some reason I still miss it! It passes, and then all of a sudden your little one is independent and doing their own thing and you have to chase them down for cuddles lol

Don't expect him to take the initiative. If you ask and he doesn't do, then you've got a problem. My dp does lots around the house but often I have to ask. We both work full time as well. If I were a stay at home parent I would expect to do more most of the time, but of course there are days when you get nothing done beyond childcare.

These men must have jobs where they are also told what do do everyinute of the day too?

Mine works full time. I don't work outside our home, our children are adults. I do all the housework, he cooks at weekends. I realise this is quite old fashioned but the amount of time I have at my disposal to do housework is far greater than his so it seems fair to me.

Op you need to change your mindset and language. Me & DH do housework between us, even when I was a sahm.
I now work ft and him pt and whoever is home/ sees the job that needs doing first does it. On a weekend we blitz the house one morning so we can both have time to relax. Any adult living in a home should contribute to keeping that home clean and tidy.
You may need to be flexible about standards ( DH is more thorough than me ) but please stop living the expectation that all the shitwork is your responsibility. It's not.

Hi there

I don't have children yet and I work full time (I work around 40 hours a week and partner works around 32) and I do probably 80% of the housework. He will cook and load the dishwasher, make the bed in the morning and run a hoover around when asked. Things like cleaning the bathroom/kitchen/laundry etc he just never does, he will if pressed but we have completely different standards of cleanliness so I usually end up repeating the work again.

If anyone has any tips on how to subtly increase the amount of work your partner does around the home please let me know! :(

misssjw subtle is not needed here. You need to sit down and ask him what he thinks if fair a 50/50 split or other? Then you need to write down the jobs and how long they take and divide them up between you.

You have an adult discussion ?

he will if pressed but we have completely different standards of cleanliness so I usually end up repeating the work again.

Well that's probably why he doesn't do it as much if he's thinking, she's only going to redo it anyway