Husband doesn't want to move..

[Kdee52]

Hi everyone,

I've been married for 3 years, and initially agreed with hubby that we would live in an area close to his family. After 3 long years I am fed up with being so close to his family. Within a 2 minute walk from us there are no less than 6 of his immediate relatives homes. Uncles/ aunties/ Parents all live on the same main road, and his sister lives opposite us.

My main problem is that his sister tries to one up everything we do while belittling all the hard work we have put into our own home. I have bitten my tongue for so long and not said anything to her, but I am fed up with the constant keeping up with the Jones' charade. I worry about us trying to start a family with so many people wanting to be involved in every decision we make.

Me and hubby have been very responsible and worked hard to pay off the mortgage on our 3 bed terraced house. We now own it outright.

I want to put the house on the market and look for another property, but husband is completely ignoring my pleas to move. I understand that he feels we are safe in this house, able to afford a little luxury now the mortgage has been paid, but I dont want the luxury. We have one car between us, and I walk to work to save money. I just want to move and as soon as humanly possible. I'm becoming desperate without wanting to rock the boat with hubby. Ivf coming up soon, and hoping for the best.

Any thoughts?

I think you guys are right in that I need to sit down and have a proper talk with him about how I feel.

So the "Pleas to move" you mentioned in your OP were really just hints that you might like to? That puts a really different spin on it for me.

More than anything else that's been mentioned here I think you need to focus on this:
I really need to learn to be more assertive and say what I really want.

A friend of mine goes to her Mother in Law's every Saturday night and has done for 15 YEARS!
She hates it and I suggested it stops...she says that can't stop now as it's a tradition!

It's incredible that you've paid your mortgage off so quickly!

update (please be kind). We are still in the same home 2 years later. Things have changed, as I had 2 rounds of IVF which failed and am now coping with anxiety. We've decided not to have any more IVF for a while.

I'm currently in the process of painting the whole house ready to be put on the market this year. Bedroom has been decorated, living room has been touched up. Still got bathroom, dressing room and kitchen to paint. I want to take down a really old wood shed in the back yard to create space.

Dh has agreed to move but wants a modern house with no work required. I want a pretty Victorian house which would need a renovation. Hes working away from home alot more. So my point is that I will be the one dealing with the renovation if we do go ahead with buying an old house.

I’m sorry IVF hasn’t been successful for you yet, good idea to take a little down time and regroup before tackling it again.

In terms of the house, I’m glad he’s finally agreed to move. Whilst I love character houses, it IS a massive pain to renovate or decorate a whole house. We moved to an older property which we believed to be in quite good repair but once we got in we found many many things needing attention and it has cost us a fortune and taken so much time and energy - dealing with tradesmen is exhausting.

At this point whilst you’re looking why not just both agree to be open to all properties? Don’t just go and see new or old, go and see lots of types which fit your basic needs - Number of bedrooms / location etc.
If you’re willing to be open to a newer house then he needs to be open to something older as well, can you trust him to be open and genuine and not just say something isn’t suitable when it clearly is?

If you do end up with something newer you could always do smaller projects - Overhaul the garden and add a Summer house for example, redecorate the bedrooms etc.

The wider issue seems to be the inability for you both to find compromise in the relationship, is he always stubborn or just around these bigger decisions?