to not go to the hen weekends?

[acquiesce]

Just that really. Two close friends getting married (not to each other, to their DP’s). So two weddings, two hen weekends abroad in the same year.
However, I have recently stopped drinking because I felt it was becoming a problem.
I don’t want to explain to the friends why I have stopped drinking yet as I don’t feel strong enough to talk about it.
Added to this, we are having financial issues which means I can’t put any deposits down for the next few months at least.
(I am quite a private person so don’t really like disclosing details like the above unless I absolutely have to)
These friends are quite wealthy girls and also normal drinkers but the hen dos will include all the usual drinking games, cocktail making etc and lots of other expensive activities.
So how do I kindly bow out of these weekends away without losing any friends or disclosing drink / financial issues?
Thanks

I would just say you can’t afford it or can’t get time off work. You don’t need to explain more but just say that you are really looking forward to the wedding.

If you use the time of work excuse why don’t you suggest taking them for lunch or afternoon tea one day instead?

Well done on dealing with your drinking.

You don’t have to go into detail about financial issues just that you have a lot of outlays currently (which could mean new car, new bathroom, multiple weddings to attend etc) not that you are completely skint. Just breeze over it.

You're totally justified in not going.

i think I would take quite a cowardly approach and decide that there were events on those two weekend I couldn't miss/was already committed to - and then immediately offer to take them to dinner/tea/lunch/whatever floats their boat that doesnt involve drinking.

Not saying its the perfect approach but it might get you out of any pressure to attend.

On the other hand if you were my friend and you explained why you didnt want to go I would understand and make sure that a) you didnt get any grief from bridesmaids/MoH for not attending and we'd sort another date just for us - they care enough to be your friend, trust them (or dont - it IS personal, I get that).

Thanks all, some good reasons / excuses here!
Apologies for drip feed but I forgot to say in first post - the MOH is organising it in both cases (who I don’t know well) and my friends the brides to be don’t have a clue about it...

YANBU. The whole idea of a hen ‘weekend’ is getting out of hand. Bring back hen’s nights, I say.

I wouldn’t want to go for exactly the same reasons as you, as it happens. I wouldn’t want to explain myself either. Just get in early and say you can’t make it due to work or other social commitments.

Feel free to be vague. You don’t owe anyone a weekend of your life and the contents of your savings account just because they’re getting married. It doesn’t make you a shit friend.

Totally agree husky would cost me upwards of a grand minimum, alright if you have it / that’s what you would have spent on a weekend away anyway but I would rather spend any spare income in taking DS to Butlins
My sobriety needs to come before worrying about other people’s feelings as I know that’s where I have fallen down before.
Think I will be vague about the reasons and offer some sort of lunch / afternoon tea with our other friend (who incidentally is in long term recovery so doesn’t want to go for similar reasons to me) and me and her will offer to treat the brides to be. Thanks mumsnet!

Good. The hen weekend IME is not important. The friends I had at my hen night I love dearly - but the wedding was the bit I wanted them to come to (and even then I accepted that not everybody could come).