Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BF, his ex and lodger situation?

22 replies

Tyrianstoe · 22/02/2018 18:23

I am absolutely prepared to be told AIBU and in RL I have kept my mouth very firmly shut and kept my nose out. But AIBU this seems a bit cheeky?

So my BF of two years still owns a house 50/50 with his ex, they split in 2012. Weren't married, no kids. The house is not worth as much now as they paid for it but their mortgage is 50k so they have 30-40k equity. Neither will sell because it's worth less (a whole other thread Hmm) his ex has private rented since she moved out 4 years ago, they lived as housemates for a year before that. So they are both kind of agreeing to sit on the property and not sellling. BF keener on this because he has done loads of work on it. BF has been paying the mortgage since his ex moved out. He is struggling for money at the moment so has done up a room and sorted out the house so he can get a lodger. New carpets, replastering, new doors etc. He lives near a hospital and a university so thinks he could get 250 for the room inc bills.

His ex turned round about a month ago (I didn't find this out until recently as BF and I split up for a month) and said she wants half the income from the room as she owns half the house. BF has agreed. I can see where she's coming from BUT, BF has to pay all the bills on the place and has been paying the mortgage for 4 years. It seems a bit unfair to split it 50/50? AIBU? I've had to lend BF a fair bit of money recently because he's so skint and I've put my foot down and told him no more if he's so financially entangled with his ex. I feel like I might get a roasting here...

OP posts:
Idontevencareanymore · 22/02/2018 18:27

Not sure of the legalities but surely the rent money from the room would go towards paying the mortgage? And anything left over would be split 50/50.
Otherwise what's the point in having the lodger?

I'd be telling him to get some proper advice.

NeatFreakMama · 22/02/2018 18:31

If he's paying the mortgage then I don't see how she has a claim to the rental income only the capital once the house sells. Cheeky I think!

ExFury · 22/02/2018 18:33

I'd walk away from that. That's a financial mess waiting to happen.

Why hasn't he sorted it since he's been paying all the mortgage? She should have been paying half of it.

If he's living in the house then it's arguable over how much should be paid by who. He needs decent legal advice, and he needs to sort the situation out.

Sirzy · 22/02/2018 18:38

You need to look at occupational rent. If they owe it 50/50 then she will be entitled to some money.

Basics are

He is paying mortgage so she “owes” him half the payments. Same goes for the work done (has he got invoices for everything?)

But she can claim rent from him on her half of the house at what the rental rate for the area would be and she can also claim half of any rent he receives on the property.

I would suggest they get it sorted now and he either buys her out or the house is sold. The longer it goes on the messier it will get

Original poster
Tyrianstoe · 22/02/2018 18:45

I have already had the 'You buy her out or you sell' conversation, hence why we split up for a month. Both of them are insistent on not selling it. And he won't buy her out because he says he doesn't have 20 grand. The both of them are so useless. She still hasn't sorted out her post yet. She still gets it delivered there! I never ever go to his house because it feels like their house IYSWIM? My boundaries are very strong about it all.

OP posts:
DeathStare · 22/02/2018 18:51

Tyrianstoe where is this relationship going? You say you split up for a while over the house situation, yet you've come back and it clearly hasn't been resolved.

You won't go over to his house. He won't disentangle his life from his ex's. She places unreasonable demands on his income and he bends to her. Meanwhile he sponges off you (to pay for THEIR house that you won't go to). He has made it clear this won't change. Seriously where is this going?

Kazplus2 · 22/02/2018 18:54

I would say all income goes into a pot to cover current mortgage payments, any expenses and any future mortgage payments. He also wouldn't be unreasonable in requesting that he be refunded for backdated mortgage payments.

parklives · 22/02/2018 19:09

Have you posted this before op I'm sure I remember your problem....unhelpfully I can't remember what the best reply was!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 22/02/2018 19:09

Just don't pay her there isn't anything he can do

MorningsEleven · 22/02/2018 19:10

I'd get out now. He sounds spineless.

Perendinate · 22/02/2018 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 22/02/2018 19:15

www.regencychambers.co.uk/articles/equitable-accounting-some-basic-principles/

Sadly it really isn’t as simple as “he has paid the mortgage” the law around this is complicated (and probably unfair...)

Original poster
Tyrianstoe · 22/02/2018 19:24

Yes park and I was pretty much told to leave him. So I did.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 22/02/2018 19:24

Also it won't be a " lodger" if neither BF or Ex are living there, it will be a tenant, and they will need a proper tenancy agreement.
Any rent would presumably go to pay mortgage and costs ( including any tax due)before either of them would get any profit.
How does Ex propose to recompense BF for the time that he's been paying and she hasn't?
I don't thinking I'd be bailing him out while he continues to sub his Ex.

Original poster
Tyrianstoe · 22/02/2018 19:25

It really is the only issue we have. Otherwise our relationship is really good. We both love each other. We like each others company. But this housing situation is really the elephant in the room.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tyrianstoe · 22/02/2018 19:27

He still lives there delphinium and will continue to

OP posts:
Original poster
Tyrianstoe · 22/02/2018 19:31

Her argument is that she has had to private rent and pay a bit more than bf has paid on the monthly mortgage payment and deposit. But she won't buy out bf or move back in because the house is too dark. I wish they'd just take the 10k hit and bloody sell it!

OP posts:
DeathStare · 22/02/2018 19:34

But this housing situation is really the elephant in the room

It's a big elephant. It's an elephant that stops you ever living together or doing anything that involves combining finances. It's also an elephant that prevents you going to his home and keeps him and his ex inter-twined. In terms of the future of a relationship, that's a pretty big roadblock to it going anywhere further than casual dating.

Original poster
Tyrianstoe · 22/02/2018 19:39

You are right deathstare I want that future. And he continually fobs me off with 'it will happen one day'.

I have a small deposit and have just secured a permanent contract. In 6 months time I'm going to buy my own house. I can't wait around for them.

I have my suspicions that his ex is happy to keep him inter-twined, why else wouldn't she just force a sale so she could put a deposit down on her own house?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tyrianstoe · 22/02/2018 19:40

And sharing the lodgers income is just another step in keeping their finances inter twined.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 22/02/2018 19:41

By owing a house together finances are intertwined!

parklives · 22/02/2018 19:47

I would buy that house as you plan op for whatever reason, and no matter how good your relationship is, he doesn't want to move on.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page