Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Anyone who thinks kids with ASD aren't capable of empathy....

64 replies

Greensleeves · 22/02/2018 18:11

...is wrong.

I am going through some pretty heavy stuff at the moment, and I'm also ill and couldn't face cooking tonight - dh and ds2 are out anyway, so it was only for ds1, who is 15 and has Asperger's. I gave him some money to go and get himself whatever he would like to eat. I also gave him a big cuddle and said "sorry I'm a bit of a crap mum at the moment, I love you very much".

He replied "You're not a crap mum, because you've brought me up to understand that you're a human being too and can't always be perfect, and at my age I should be able to sort myself out sometimes when you're having a bad time".

I'm actually crying (he's gone out).

OP posts:

Consideringbeingamom · 23/02/2018 18:51

And yes, it's quite insulting that people on the spectrum seem to be compared to psychopaths as if they don't think of others feelings. Grr.

Lozzie12 · 23/02/2018 18:52

My ASD son goes to a residential school, I collect him every weekend, every time as we get in the car he looks at me and says, " I always forget how beautiful you are when I don't see you mum". (I'm really not but it makes my heart swell every time.) I love him so much, he's incredible but I'm so worried for his future.

Original poster

Greensleeves · 24/02/2018 11:22

Lozzie that's so sweet

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 24/02/2018 14:08

Ahhhh Lozzie that is lovely, dd who has ASD and learning difficulties, is just on another wavelength and does not communicate in that way.

VladmirsPoutine · 24/02/2018 14:12

He sounds wonderful! Now, if only I was a 15yr old girl!

But I get where you're coming from. A lot of the rhetoric regarding autism/aspies is quite misleading. They are not all 'rainman' types and indeed they are capable of empathy and communication.

Pho2Mum · 26/02/2018 10:48

Compared to other posts here, my ds is 5. I believe early interventions are crucial. So I explain to him things he does not understand to create awareness. I'm worried that at school, he is left to his own devices. I hardly see any work that he's done compared to other kids in his class. So I wanted to ask if you received any support from school when he was younger and what kind of? Recently my ds learnt to say 'I love u mummy' and he can repeat that to me like 20 times a day.

MadRainbow · 26/02/2018 11:03

Speaking from my own and so far my DDs experience with empathy is that I find it is there in Aspergers; in fact at 17 I couldn't deal with it and tried to overdose. I personally feel that the emotions are too strong or conflict too much with the logical side of our brains and so we either avoid them by shutting down completely, or have meltdowns because although what we feel maybe be normal, it is uncontrollable.

Totally agree about adapting and essentially mimicking certain reactions when someone is happy or upset and this does get easier to judge the older you get.

Haven't RTFT OP but it sounds as though your son is a credit to you and you should be really proud of both of you :)

midsummabreak · 27/02/2018 07:05

Lozzie , that is such a sweet thing for your son to say. How does your son deal with getting anxious or stressed with social situations when away frim home? My son doesnt even want to go on holiday with family or school trips, let alone residential school.

numbereightyone · 27/02/2018 07:17

This is the best thread I've read in ages.
I love the 'mum, your baby's crying' quote. That has really made me smile.

Writersblock2 · 27/02/2018 08:22

Love this! OH has AS and ADHD so it made me extra ready. Well done. :)

KatyMac · 27/02/2018 08:52

Just spotted this; it seemed apt to add to your thread of celebration

particularly the last sentence

Anyone who thinks kids with ASD aren't capable of empathy....

seagulltargetpractice · 27/02/2018 09:03

My 3yo with ASD is incredibly empathetic with me, to the point that any hint of sadness or disappointment from me triggers a huge cuddle.

With other kids... not so much.

I know he has the capacity for it so I'm hoping it develops with regards to others.

Lozzie12 · 12/03/2018 22:19

Sorry I've not been keeping up with the thread. My son started his residential school as he finished primary school, his primary school were convinced he wouldn't manage secondary school and I had to agree he was just so vulnerable. The school is wonderful with him and very nurturing. I go and collect him every weekend and for the first couple of years went every Wednesday to take him out for dinner so I never really went more than a couple of days without seeing him. Initially we lived 150miles away and then 65mikes away so it was really hard but he settled amazingly and is happy. Academically he was taken out of SATs in year 6 as he "would never pass", he's now doing GCSEs. We have been incredibly lucky to have had access to this provision. It's so difficult for our children.

YouTheCat · 12/03/2018 22:33

I think people with ASD do see emotions and facial expressions. However, they see all of them at once and that's where the confusion comes in. Someone might smile but there can be so much more going on with their face, stance, etc. I believe people on the spectrum see everything and can struggle to filter out what isn't needed. They do read people very well, pretty much too well.

Both of my kids are on the spectrum. Dd has Aspergers and is so kind and full of empathy compared to a lot of her peers. This is to the point that it causes her anxiety because she worries so much when they come to her with their problems.

Flip

1 2 3