To feel totally swamped in crap

[redjoker]

I feel like I am living in a constant tide of STUFF. Which has only got worse since having a baby 5 months ago. I try so hard to fight against it. I do weekly sort outs for the charity pile. Recycle as standard. I have regifted what feels like hundreds of items to people I know having babies taken clothes back with labels in for store credit. Avoid buying new clothes unless really needed. Don't really buy anything in general. I've asked grandparents to stop buying soft toys and general tat. (More politely than that). I use reusable wipes and nappies. Im really trying but I feel like I'm bloody swimming against a tide of plastic and toys and general life crap and I feel really shit about it

Even Mary whatsherfaace with her sparking joy didn't help me. As soon as I get rid I seem to gain it all back again.

AIBU to want to live in a little shed somewhere with just an oven and a few jumpers.. maybe some biscuits and my son (obviously...)

I see your smellies and baby stuff and clothes and raise you a playroom full of old crap that needs to go and an inherited house-worth of crap from the in-laws that isn’t even ours. Add to that the decorators and plasterers starting next week and needing the rooms emptied. Ahahahaha. Where the fuck they expect me to move anything to, when every room is full of crap already, I don’t know.

Just read your post properly TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince. Holy fuck.

Tell people that you will be throwing any crap they bring away. And then do it. Be pitiless about this.

You DESERVE to have a nice space, a nice home. Even if your relatives are well-meaning, you need to make it clear that they aren't doing you any favours (and actually they are just dumping their shit on you).

Anymajordude - I sooo know how you feel. There's so much stuff and my children won't let me chuck anything out. I have to charity shop old stuff in secret.

Why are you letting your kids order you about like that?
You're the parent, so you're the boss.

I'd fuck all their unwanted shit to the charity or rubbish.
And if they had a moan about it, they all would get a good hard kick up the arse.

I have a rule in my house to try and stop this. It only gets worse as your kids get older. Much worse. If something comes into my house, no matter from where, it stays in my hall until I decide whether to keep it or charity shop it etc. It cannot be allowed to enter the lounge or a bedroom until it has a purpose and a place to go. That way, we can always see the stuff and deal with it. If it’s under a sofa in the lounge or on the floor or shoved in a shelf, you can’t see it to deal with.

A good example is party bags. Over the years, literally hundreds have come through my door. My kids have a box each to keep small pieces of plastic crap. I’m not talking about ordinary toys, I’m taking about the 20p type shit that comes in party bags. So they receive a bag, they need to decide whether any of the plastic crap is good enough to go into their box. If not, charity shop.

Ditto any clothes coming in. Whether they are new or handed down from someone they need to be looked at in the hall before they get dumped somewhere upstairs. Once they pass the hall, they’ve blended with general shite in the house and will be unfindable. They can only pass if they have a place to go.

IF your hall is too narrow, make another sorting place near the front door that you can see every time you go past.

Keep binning from your house but be strict about what comes in. Next time mil gives you clothes, take a quick look inside in case there is anything that you really need but leave the bag in th hall to go straight to charity. You cousi try telling her w@rdribe is full.

Literally don't accept it when your mother/MIL try to hand you stuff. Especially used stuff, but new stuff too. Tell them that you and your son have everything you need and that if that changes you'll let them know. If it's toys, tell them to keep them in their own houses for your son to play with when you visit. Everything else is their responsibility to dispose of, not yours. Be firm!

Don't listen to pp! Don't leave it in your hall. Make them take it home with them. Don't put a hand on the bag. It's their responsibility not yours.

My house is full of crap and sadly it's almost all mine. We don't even have the excuse of children at home.

My biggest problem is books. I read at least 2-3 books a week, sometimes more. We have a bookcase full in the living room and about 30' of shelving in the spare room, groaning with books. There are stacks of books in all sorts of corners of the house. They're even taking over our motorhome now!

I always mean to be organised and put the ones I've read in a bag and take it to a charity shop when it's full. I'm now in a place where I'd have to take a bagful to every charity shop in the county and I'd still have loads left.

I just need to start getting rid of them, but there are so many the task seems just too daunting.

Lakie, are you in a position to set up a little free library? It would solve the problem eventually without too much effort, but it doe

Sorry - dog jumped on me

Does require that you’re in a relatively well walked area.

Lakie you could try ringing somewhere like the Oxfam bookshop, if you've got so many of them they may come and collect, you just need to bag or box them up.

Give Mil clothes back with a nice polite

thanks, ive tried on but they dont fit. Appreciate the thought but here they are in case anyone else you know may need them

I think this is as much about the environment too, I've recently started realising the sheer volume of plastic we throw away daily, it's obscene. I haven't yet but want a plan to start reducing it. It can become a bit overwhelming just thinking about it and feeling guilty. I think it would be good to get back to how my grandparents were with food, and really everything, they didn't throw stuff away because when they grew up there wasn't always a replacement.

I'm sure from what you are saying that your house is actually pretty organised but I can completely relate to the overwhelmed feeling.

I felt like this up until VERY recently! Small house, three children...and things just seemed to get out of hand within days (I too swear it breeds).

Over the past month or so I’ve been completely ruthless with clearing out and organising. Bags of stuff to clothing banks, toys that haven’t been played with for ages go to charity, anything I haven’t used/worn/read/looked at in a while goes. I found it helpful to clear storage areas then leave them unused for a few days; it made me think about HOW to us them, rather than just hiding stuff there! It’s still an ongoing project and I’ve got a few more areas to tackle...but the house is way more manageable now. Doing a little bit every day helped - it wasn’t so overwhelming!

Grandparents keep providing crap here, too. I learned long ago that they wouldn’t take no for an answer, so just thank them then assess things as I would anything else after they leave.

Me too! I live in a flat and struggle to get to the charity shop with 2 children but still my mil does this! So infuriating.

A lot of charity shops collect now, especially if you have a lot. I fill boxes in the garage with shit (not literally) and when I have a couple I ring British Heart and they arrange a pickup. Not a charity I'm particularly supportive of, but they are by far the most organised around here and always turn up on the day they say they will.

MIL has "issues" and pretty much the entire massive pile of presents she gives the DC at Christmas goes straight into a charity box or bin. My youngest is 8 now, so they all understand that Grandma likes to give a big bountiful pile of rubbish rather than one smaller and cheaper and enjoyable item. It's just how she expresses her love. We are polite and grateful in front of her and deal with it afterwards. So, even if the issue doesn't improve, it really does get easier to deal with as the children get older and more understanding.

But it is fatal to let the tat embed itself into your home. It needs to be rooted out and separated before it takes hold!

I have found a way that works for me. I focus on a room - recently did DCs room - and empty it bar obvious furniture. In this case the beds/chest of drawers/wardrobe/bookcase.
Everything gets stacked up somewhere else (I agree this is not ideal but it IS worth it).

You then get to see the room completely uncluttered. This is a real WOW moment. My DCs played and played in their previously ignored room, just with each other and no toys. It was fab.
Then we got on with dealing with all the stuff on the landing/stacked in the dining room.
It is much easier to decide whether to keep something when you have already had the reward of the clean and uncluttered room.
The DC were much more open to decluttering because they had the joy of space.
Plus you really do have to deal with the stuff because it really is in your way now

I did this with my kitchen too and when you see all the stuff piled up on the dining table you want it to go. But you have the lovely clear kitchen to spur you on.