To think this is a terribly selfish thing to do when you have children

[WinterAx]

A friend of mine has two children and she and her DH (the step father) regularly take drugs. It started with one off use here and there at the odd party or concert but over time it’s developed in to weekly “sessions” where a large group of them go round to their house (when her DC are staying with their father) and are all up until the early hours binging on large amounts of MDMA and cocaine. It’s also become apparent that they sneak off to do these drugs at family parties, weddings, birthdays, basically any excuse. It’s all they seem to think about now and can’t have fun without it. People have no idea this is going on see them as a decent couple with lovely children, a beautiful large family home, both older parents and in very successful jobs.

AIBU in being worried for the children and thinking their behaviour is shockingly selfish and irresponsible as parents? I’m not aware that they actually use drugs with the children present, however, I know they’ve spoken about having to pick the kids up the morning after a heavy night, feeling terrible. I dread to think if anything were to happen to her and the poor children would be left without a mother. I’ve tried to speak to her as an older friend who cares but she is well and truly in denial, apparently everyone uses drugs these days and it’s all perfectly normal and ok to continue doing so as parents. Surely when you make the decision to have children this sort of behaviour should stop?!

[FreckledLeopard]

@italiancortado

I don't do coke (tried it once and didn't like it) but have done other drugs and it's hardly difficult to understand why people take them. Because they make you feel absolutely WONDERFUL. Far, far better than alcohol ever could. Why do you think the 'War on Drugs' is never going to be won? I have no idea why people think it's acceptable for governments to regulate what people ingest. People have always done drugs and alcohol and always will. What needs to be done is legalisation and regulation, not criminalisation.

[Chienrouge]

RebeccaWrongDaily I know plenty of people who do drugs. My small town has a large group of 30/40 year olds who think they’re too cool for school and frequent a local upmarket bar. They all think they’re oh so witty and interesting when they’re in there on a Saturday night off their faces on cocaine.
They are in actual fact neither cool nor witty, which is why I’m not friends with them.

[Chienrouge]

I’m not friends with anyone who do drugs. My best friend and her husband used to, they are extremely well paid professionals and fell into the ‘scene’. She stopped by her late 20’s as she realised it was all a bit shit and she needed to grow up. He didn’t want to grow up, so she divorced

[Chienrouge]

*divorved him

[italiancortado]

it's hardly difficult to understand why people take them. Because they make you feel absolutely WONDERFUL.

You don't have to talk to me like I am stupid.. it IS difficult for me to understand. That's why I asked.

They make you feel wonderful doesn't really explain it

[Lizzie48]

@italiancortado But you know the horrible things that gangs selling drugs do as well, like child sex trafficking? None of that matters, as long as you feel WONDERFUL??

Okay, you feeling wonderful is all that matters.

[LoniceraJaponica]

I agree with you Lizzie48
I am uncomfortable with the idea that buying illegal drugs funds other criminal activities. If drugs were legal they would a) Be regulated and not mixed with all sorts of crap and b) There would, hopefully, be less people trafficking, child prostitution etc

[WinterAx]

It’s certainly reassuring to hear that so many of you agree this is totally unacceptable. Many of you have suggested contacting SS, which I am now considering doing just to make them aware. I assume this can be kept totally confidential, does anyone in here happen to know?

[Lizzie48]

The problem is, @LoniceraJaponica I don't think legalisation of drugs would stop the criminal activities. You still get the gangs operating in the Netherlands where drugs have been decriminalised. Drugs are still controlled in the cafes where they can be obtained, quite rightly, and I guess the gangs undercut that? Cigarettes are smuggled into this country despite the fact they're legal.

For me, the 'high' wouldn't make any of this worth it.

[LoniceraJaponica]

Sadly, I think you are right Lizzie48

[TheletterZ]

Yes you can contact SS anomalously. It is a good idea just to make them aware then if anything does happen later they have a puzzle piece they might not have had.

[FreckledLeopard]

But the Netherlands hasn't decriminalised drugs. They turn a blind eye to soft drug use, but they haven't taken control of the drug trade and taxed and regulated it. So you have gangs, you still have difficulties (although drug taking there is much safer as you can test drugs before you take them to ensure you know what you're getting).

Drug misuse does cause difficulties - of course it does. No-one is denying that. But most of the criminal activity relates to trafficking, people committing crime to fund their habits - there are very few people who take mushrooms or MDMA going around violently attacking others (and thinking of the crime associated with alcohol, I'd rather be around a benign stoner than a drunk).

Anyhow, none of this addresses the point re: the children. If you think they're in danger, then contact SS. But I don't think that parents getting high from time to time, away from the children, is any different to parents going out and getting drunk.

[DarthNigel]

I have a friend who was going away with another friend and all 5 of their kids, (youngest aged 2, oldest aged 12) to centre parcs last week. The other friend was paying for most of it as she is loaded and all she asked my friend to bring was some coke, which she did.
I was actually pretty disgusted at that tbh and I'm not particularly prudish.
I'd say it's about Half and Half in my social circle, those that do and those that don't. I don't personally but I do drink probably once a month to excess on a night out. I don't judge it on a night out especially but I do think it wrong to be sitting upstairs in your bathroom snorting coke or smoking weed when your kids are downstairs watching telly or asleep in the next room.

[gamerwidow]

I don’t gave an issue with parents taking drugs per se as long as they are not in charge of their children when they are high. It isn’t any different to going out drinking to excess which most parents will do sometimes. It is irresponsible to be doing it every weekend and it is more risky than drinking because drugs are not licensed and controlled so you don’t know what you are getting. It would be safer for everyone if they legalised and licensed drugs instead of pretending that drugs are inherently harmful just because they are currently illegal.

[windchimesabotage]

If you want to contact SS you need to focus on the effect on the children not just say 'I heard they take drugs on a weekend when the kids are away' because SS will not get involved just for that.
They dont care what people do on a weekend by themselves they only get involved if children are being effected.
So you need to gather some evidence of neglect or at least talk about the negative impact that you think their behaviour is having on the children. Provide direct examples and then SS will check it out and hopefully get involved.

I know this to be the case here due to working for many years in addiction services and also from a friend reporting that she suspected the father of her child had done coke. They werent interested at all really because she stated that he had not done it in front of the child nor was high in front of the child.
When I worked for the NHS social services did get involved with families with addiction problems but only where there was a bigger picture of neglect not just for drug use alone. They get involved with families for actual instances of neglect or abuse or witnessed violence/parents being under the influence whilst caring for children. They dont get involved for rumours of someone getting high at a party.

[mathanxiety]

Yes, you can contact them anonymously. Supply as many details as you can and emphasise that you know these people well and have observed them for quite a while.

[Lettucepray]

Stop equating alcohol with these hard drugs...I drink responsibly, couple of glasses of wine at the weekend, it is NOT the same as the effects of these drugs. These parents need reporting, ss can intervene and will act if children are at risk. Fucking idiots!

[gamerwidow]

lettucespray mdma is not a hard drug nor is it more harmful than alcohol. The decision to ban drugs and make alcohol legal is not evidence based it is political because drugs are perceived by the electorate to be more harmful. For what it’s worth I don’t take drugs but most of what is said about drugs is hysteria born of misinformation.

[italiancortado]

This thread is about drugs. Not alcohol.

If alcohol is people's only argument to be pro drugs they really don't have a strong case for themselves.

[Graphista]

MDMA is a class A unregulated drug. One that has killed people upon their first time taking one dose.

Alcohol does not have that danger.

Alcohol is a drug and addictive and causes harm believe me I know as the child of an alcoholic.

But it is NOT in the same realm and you're being disingenuous by claiming so and you know it.

[Lettucepray]

Exactly! Well said......anyone who dabbles in these drugs is a fuckwitt of the highest order.

[italiancortado]

gamer

Ok, that's a cute picture, but you have provided absolutely nothing to show you didn't just make it up this morning!

If you are going to post something to back up a point it has to be from a legitimate source. That looks like my 10yo made it!

[specialsubject]

drug addicts. Face up to it. Serious sad sacks and serious stupidity. you read about kids who die because they took a tablet given to them by a random at a festival (WTF? No brains?) but you would expect adults to have more sense.

If they are driving drugged, report. Don't care if they die but I do care if they kill or disable someone else.

and as they are funding the illegal drug industry - crime, violence, damage, disturbance - jettison them.

[gamerwidow]

italiancortado
www.drugscience.org.uk/work/mcdapolicy
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drug_harmfulness
ukleap.org/about/
www.thelancet.com/action/consumeSharedSessionAction?JSESSIONID=aaaELWc6N_YVudoljfbhw&MAID=cPGJKf5blYjldW44pBnRpQ%3D%3D&SERVER=WZ6myaEXBLGvmNGtLlDx7g%3D%3D&ORIGIN=455871970&RD=RD&rtc=0

If you are genuinely interested in evidence then these are some good links to start off with.

Drugs are not ‘harmless’ but neither are they more harmful than alcohol.

[silkpyjamasallday]

I would try and report your concerns to SS, but they probably won't do anything at all about it not even a home visit. I reported someone who I knew was smoking crack in their house with their baby present having various local reprobates around at all hours to smoke, she still has her baby, SS did precisely nothing despite the fact she has already had 7 children removed from her care a decade ago. I worry all the time about that baby Unfortunately there are a lot of very selfish people in the world who should never have become parents. The fact your friends are middle class will mean even less interest from SS, they are too overworked and underfunded to the detriment of thousands of children.