To think this is a terribly selfish thing to do when you have children

[WinterAx]

A friend of mine has two children and she and her DH (the step father) regularly take drugs. It started with one off use here and there at the odd party or concert but over time it’s developed in to weekly “sessions” where a large group of them go round to their house (when her DC are staying with their father) and are all up until the early hours binging on large amounts of MDMA and cocaine. It’s also become apparent that they sneak off to do these drugs at family parties, weddings, birthdays, basically any excuse. It’s all they seem to think about now and can’t have fun without it. People have no idea this is going on see them as a decent couple with lovely children, a beautiful large family home, both older parents and in very successful jobs.

AIBU in being worried for the children and thinking their behaviour is shockingly selfish and irresponsible as parents? I’m not aware that they actually use drugs with the children present, however, I know they’ve spoken about having to pick the kids up the morning after a heavy night, feeling terrible. I dread to think if anything were to happen to her and the poor children would be left without a mother. I’ve tried to speak to her as an older friend who cares but she is well and truly in denial, apparently everyone uses drugs these days and it’s all perfectly normal and ok to continue doing so as parents. Surely when you make the decision to have children this sort of behaviour should stop?!

[ChaosNeverRains]

It’s hard to live a life that is perfect and where you take no risk at all. it’s really easy not to break the law though by taking illegal drugs.

And if as a parent you’re taking drugs every weekend then you have little chance of being able to stop your children doing the same when they get to the age where they might come into contact with such things.

I find it amazing that people defend the taking of cocaine because “everyone does it” and yet the same people would probably refuse to take their child into the MIL’s house if she smoked in there.

[extinctspecies]

apparently Coke can stay in the system to an illegal level for driving for up to 3 days.

What a load of tosh. Coke is illegal, full stop. There's no acceptable level for driving. It's not like alcohol.

[Chienrouge]

It’s hard to live a life that is perfect and where you take no risk at all

It’s really not hard to not take illegal drugs though.

[pilates]

YANBU
It sounds like a strong addiction and no not common in my circle of friends.

[Thedogsmells]

I couldn't be friends with people like that.

[WashingMatilda]

Apart from anything else, what if one of the DC's fell ill while at the dad's and needed to picked up/met at the hospital? What if they had a bad dream and wanted to come home? What if her ex husband had a family emergency and had to drop them back?

I'm a police officer and two years ago did CPR on a 16 year old boy who had taken one E pill until ambulance arrived. His mum was screaming in my ear the whole time to save him. He didn't make it. It's stuck with me for years.

[LoniceraJaponica]

“but Coke and MDMA are rife in my social circle”

I don’t know anyone in my social circle who takes illegal drugs. I probably know people who do, but they are just aquaintances.

“I find the blase attitude towards taking illegal and frankly dangerous drugs in this thread baffling”

So do I. Maybe it is an age thing. I am 59 and most of my friends are in their 40s, 50s and 60s. If they have partaken of illegal substances they would have done so in their 20s, and pre children.

[Chienrouge]

Oh yes I definitely know people who take cocaine. They’re the group who are in our local ‘naice’ bar on a Saturday night who generally talk a load of shit and think they’re really interesting and exciting.
They’re not friends though.

[Thedogsmells]

I have a fairly varied social circle, but in the main middle/upper middle class professionals. None do drugs. A few used to smoke weed on occasion. The only one I know who is a coke user is seen as a bit of a 'wide boy', especially when he was tucked away in the loos at his own wedding.

[Cliveybaby]

When I was little, I remember my mum refused to go horse riding when we did it on holiday, because "if she broke her leg she couldn't take us to school"!

[Dulra]

Thanks everyone. I agree there’s not really much I can do, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while and can’t get it off my mind
But there is something you can do. Protecting children is all our responsibility. I would call the local duty social worker and ask for advice that is what they are there for. I am not saying these people need to have their kids taken away that is a last resort but a family visit may be required to check all is ok and some interventions put in place, Even if it is just a wake up call for the parents. You have no idea how rampant their drug use and whether they do indulge when the children are in their care. It is always better to be safe then sorry

[DecisionTree]

Disclaimer: by my own admission I am an old fogey at, ah hem . Ive had my time drinking occassionally and a period in my life where it was a lot more frequent - especially during uni. I have only been offered drugs once in my lifetime so am clearly oblivious to the "norm" and apparent social acceptance that drug taking seems to be these days.


However, this thread really surprises me about how relaxed and blase people seem to be about taking drugs .... a line of coke regularly, ecstacy or whatever...... this shift in social acceptance really worries me - its becoming totally normalised now isnt it. This cant be a good thing.

[Married3Children]

Interesting that people take note of the first part of my point but not the second.

The idea that because something is legal therefore it’s ok to use it/do it even if it’s dangerous but if someth8ng is illegal then it’s allll bad and shouod never be touched (unless you are in your 20s and experimenting of course) is making me smile tbh.
Plenty of things are dangerous, some legal, some are not.

Making it all about the legality of it doesn't help the dcs for example.

[isthismummy]

How the hell can anyone drive after taking MDMA? Seriously, I used to be an occasional user and you're incapacitated for at least 24 hours afterwards!

Whilst I consider drug use to be no different to drinking alcohol (which is also a drug, just a government sanctioned one) I do question how fit anyone could possibly be to parent the day after a session. It just doesn't sound right to me.

[WhyDidIEatThat]

Didn’t the uk govt’s own expert conclude MDMA was safer than horse riding?

There’s no ‘safe’ level of anything really, including alcohol, but a world in which nobody had ever experimented with mind or mood altering substances would be awful.

[foxychox]

The drugs that are mentioned are different to alcohol - with alcohol you know exactly what you are getting because it is regulated by the government. When these people buy their MDMA and coke they could be buying absolutely anything, the first anyone would know is when someone drops dead after taking it leaving those poor kids without a mother. Plus the money they are handing over to the dealers is funding god knows what.

[MuncheysMummy]

The thing is they are already on a downwards trajectory with their usage increasing in frequency and undoubtedly volume! It's only a matter of time before picking the kids up the morning after becomes picking the kids up before going to bed then carrying on using to get them through that sleepless day etc etc that's how it works I'd report to SS as then they will have an eye kept on them and it may give them the wake up call they need

[YellowMakesMeSmile]

There's plenty you can do, for a start I'd report to the safeguarding lead at the children's school and phone social services.

Children's safety is paramount, if the parents want that lifestyle it's down to them but the children deserve better.

[MuncheysMummy]

Or rather picking the kids up without going to bed rather than before going to bed, I didn't make myself very clear

[TheDowagerCuntess]

I used to be a bit of a clubber back in the day - everyone in my social circle and beyond took drugs. We all used to say that 'everyone' did it.

Clearly, everyone didn't. It was just that because it became so normal, it seemed so normal.

I'm now a 40-something mum and move in very different circles. DH has exactly the same history as me. But now we know no-one that takes drugs. Not a soul. And we have a lot of people who like to have a good time in our current social circle.

Everyone we're friends with now either never dabbled, or, like us, has well and truly moved on.

It's not normal at all - no matter how much people who do it urge you to think it is (so they don't feel bad).

Religious weekly partaking of MDMA and coke is pretty pathetic when you're in your 40s and 50s The odd blow out at a party or event, sure, but weekly sessions? Talk about clinging onto to your youth with your sad old middle-aged delusions. Give it up already - we all know what we thought of those desperados when we were that age.

[PastaBakeForever]

Drug apologists are so tedious. Especially the new kind you see emerging. Naice middle class sorts.

Grown adults with kids and mortgages, clinging on to their uni days by snorting a line after dinner with the Joneses

Eye-rollingly tragic.

Of course they are still the first to judge when some local hood overdoses at a house party on the nearest estate

[isthismummy]

Married3children It always amazes me how people perceive these things. I have a friend who was always outraged at my very occasional drug use. I was single, had no dependents and fully capable of making my own decisions. The same friend used to sink a bottle of wine every night. That was different though because it was legal.

Unfortunately the unspoken truth of drug use is that people take them because they make you feel amazing. Far far better than any amount of (legal) alcohol ever will. I feel that this is a massively overlooked fact of the whole drugs debate. Also it's not suprising if drug use is becoming more the norm. People lead such stressful, pressured lives these days and many people just want to escape. A drug like MDMA for example can give you the feeling of total peace and connection to the world that so many of us don't have. It's indescribably glorious for the short time it lasts. It's not really an effect you can mirror with five Bacardi and cokes and a few shots!

[MuncheysMummy]

And 100% there is literally NO chance they can parent the day after a session it will be the kids left to fend for themselves whilst the lay around semi comatose feeling like death...as I said only a matter of time before the take just one more line or pill to perk them up whilst they feel so bad and have the kids to look after! Then they are using whilst the kids are in the house under their care and once that watershed line is crossed it's a very fast slippery downwards slope that I've seen end in losing custody of the kids

[unlimiteddilutingjuice]

I'm another one who took drugs in my youth but not now. Largely because the logistics of it don't mix with children. Looking after toddlers on a come down? Er..No thanks!
I agree with others that it's probably not affecting the kids too badly now.
It happens while the kids are elsewhere, they can afford it financially.
However: It does seem to be escalating and might become a problem in future. As PP have said: the most obvious effect is that they will be short tempered and inattentive during the comedowns.

[4yearsnosleep]

@isthismummy it's not overlooked, it's accepted that that's why people become addicted to drugs and destroy their lives. (Speaking as the child of a drug addict)

By some miracle considering my father was a drug addict and my mother always needing addiction to something, I don't have an addictive personality. I've recently been on a mixture of morphine, tramadol and Diazepam due to a medical issue and I just don't get any pleasure from taking them at all. I feel far more relaxed after a glass of wine than a dose of morphine!