To think this is a terribly selfish thing to do when you have children

[WinterAx]

A friend of mine has two children and she and her DH (the step father) regularly take drugs. It started with one off use here and there at the odd party or concert but over time it’s developed in to weekly “sessions” where a large group of them go round to their house (when her DC are staying with their father) and are all up until the early hours binging on large amounts of MDMA and cocaine. It’s also become apparent that they sneak off to do these drugs at family parties, weddings, birthdays, basically any excuse. It’s all they seem to think about now and can’t have fun without it. People have no idea this is going on see them as a decent couple with lovely children, a beautiful large family home, both older parents and in very successful jobs.

AIBU in being worried for the children and thinking their behaviour is shockingly selfish and irresponsible as parents? I’m not aware that they actually use drugs with the children present, however, I know they’ve spoken about having to pick the kids up the morning after a heavy night, feeling terrible. I dread to think if anything were to happen to her and the poor children would be left without a mother. I’ve tried to speak to her as an older friend who cares but she is well and truly in denial, apparently everyone uses drugs these days and it’s all perfectly normal and ok to continue doing so as parents. Surely when you make the decision to have children this sort of behaviour should stop?!

[Amanduh]

I’m dumbfounded by the amount of people that think it’s ‘common’ and ‘loads of people do it’ or ‘meh’ or ‘not any worse than alcohol’ to take ECSTASY. The mind boggles.

[Graphista]

Exactly dobby. I've seen first hand the effects of so called "less harmful than alcohol" drugs including someone experiencing psychosis upon first time trying hash. Not "wonderful" at all.

[Graphista]

I'm well aware of the lancet thank you but it has been caught out a few times too. I'm also well aware of mr Nutt and his supposed science re illegal drugs.

[Dobbythesockelf]

I don't get the drug apologists. I know someone who died because of someone being high while driving and they crashed and killed the driver of the other car. A month or two ago a 16 year old kid died At a house party because they took one ecstasy tablet. You don't know what's in the drug, you don't know what it's cut with. No matter how wonderful this makes you feel surely you must realise you are taking your life into your hands every time you do a line etc.
I keep my dd away from any family gatherings involving my in laws due to them being known to do drugs in the toilets etc. Drugs and kids just don't mix full stop.
But then again I tried weed and speed as a teenager and hated every single minute of it. And spending a night looking after a friend after she had taken mushrooms wasn't exactly fun either.

[gamerwidow]

He won the John Maddox prize in 2013 too. For background the John Maddox Prize for standing up for science is awarded to individuals who are judged to have “promoted sound science and evidence on a matter of public interest” and especially those who have faced difficulty or hostility in their endeavours.
Anyway I’m bowing out because this debate isn’t really relevant to the OP and I think I’m derailing their thread.

[gamerwidow]

graphista he was employed by the government specifically to study the harm caused by drugs and then sacked because his findings didn’t support government policy. He was chosen because he is a expert in the field. He is not a fringe scientist. I don’t think a quick google search really qualifies you to speak for the scientific community. The lancet is a respected medical journal not Wikipedia.

[gamerwidow]

Actually abortion might be a better example of something that is illegal in some places because of some peoples opinion rather than harm caused.

[MashLover]

I definitely agree it's selfish when you've got DC. So many people I know are on coke including loads of parents. Then will look after tHeir kids the next day it's disgusting.

DH knows someone at his work place who is a dealer. One of his biggest customers is a healthy eating/always at the gym posh mum who looks down on everyone. I know her from my DCs school.

[missmillimentscardigan]

Interesting range of opinions in this thread. For me, drug taking is nothing like alcohol at all (so long as we're talking about drinking alcohol in moderation). These drugs are illegal and their sale funds all sorts of dreadful crimes around the world. And there's no way I think it's acceptable to be taking drugs and then looking after your children the next day. So unfair on the dcs.

[Graphista]

Drugs being illegal isn't purely down to public opinion though. It's because they're proven to be dangerous.

Re Nutt a quick Google and it's clear he's not exactly firing on all cylinders. Also telling that he's your main argument for "proof" that such drugs aren't as bad as alcohol - because outside his circle I can't see any scientists in the field supporting that view.

[gamerwidow]

graphista do you have evidence to support the Nutt isn’t respected?
I disagree also that my comparison was poor I’m not saying homosexuality should ever have been illegal or absolutely shouldn’t but it is a good example of a an act crimilised purely because public opinion said it should be.

[RitasEducation]

I have dabbled in my silly days pre DC.

I would never now. They could have a stroke or massive heart attack days later infront of the DC. Horrible irresponsible behaviour.

They sound like their on the road to addicts if its weekly.

[Gacapa]

They sound like a pair of losers and I'd bin them off.

There is nothing more cringey than people over about 21 taking drugs.

[Lizzie48]

The worrying thing is that the drug use is escalating, and we know that drug use can be addictive, so it's definitely a red flag. That and driving afterwards. If it really was only at the occasional parties then it wouldn't be any of your business, but I don't think you'd be posting here if that was the case.

[ivenoideawhatimdoing]

It’s absolutely stupid.

Tbh OP it sounds a bit like they have a problem; for it to be so habitual and be so in denial about it I think they really need help.

[OutyMcOutface]

@gamerwindow illegality equals wrongfulness where children are concerned because you are risking leaving them parentless while you are in prison.

[OutyMcOutface]

YANBU-it's extremely selfish. They are putting their drug use above their children's happiness. They could end up dead from and overdose/related accident or in jail. Shocking behaviour.

[Graphista]

Wow! That's reaching equating use of dangerous drugs to homosexuality (and as a bi woman with many gay male friends quite offensive to be honest)

Nutt is not considered in the wider scientific community as a reliable source on this subject.

[gamerwidow]

Finally yes you can put any old crap on Wikipedia I agree BUT that graph comes from Professor David Nutt who is the leading expert in the field.

[gamerwidow]

As an aside illegality doesn’t always equate to wrongful. Times change and so do attitudes to what constitutes acceptable behaviour. It wasn’t that long ago the homosexuality was illegal it doesn’t mean that it was ever dangerous or morally reprehensible.

[gamerwidow]

www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(10)61462-6/abstract

Trying again with the link to the lancet I don’t think Professor David Nutt could be referred to as an unreliable source by anyone with an ounce of sense.

[Graphista]

Gamerwidow - first link to a largely discredited scientists organisation, 2nd Wikipedia (which any fool can write on), 3rd - page doesn't even exist!!

I agree with other pps - alcohol being "bad too" doesn't even come close to justifying taking dangerous ILLEGAL and highly immoral drugs.

[italiancortado]

It's the same old argument.

If people can't find any justification for choosing to take drugs other than 'alcohol is bad too' they are just proving the point against drugs.

Find a valid reason, different side to the argument, debate it, justify it?

No? All we ever get on these threads is 'alcohol'

It's boring, and it does jack shit to back up the choice to take drugs.

[Lettucepray]

Bullshit! Most alcoholics don't rob old people, or burgle houses ......because alcohol is legal and cheap. Illegal drugs by their very nature are very expensive, stop legitimising drug abuse! Alcoholics are sad too don't get me wrong but many people drink responsibly.

[silkpyjamasallday]

I would try and report your concerns to SS, but they probably won't do anything at all about it not even a home visit. I reported someone who I knew was smoking crack in their house with their baby present having various local reprobates around at all hours to smoke, she still has her baby, SS did precisely nothing despite the fact she has already had 7 children removed from her care a decade ago. I worry all the time about that baby Unfortunately there are a lot of very selfish people in the world who should never have become parents. The fact your friends are middle class will mean even less interest from SS, they are too overworked and underfunded to the detriment of thousands of children.