To ask you to help me through this mil visit? She's here.

[Peanutbutterjelly1]

Usually get on okay. Dh isn't here. I'm not ignoring her she's come in completely ignoring everything i say and talking to dd u2 and knows full well dd has just eaten dinner so is throwing her in the air and tipping her upside down.. and just generally doing my head in.

She always acts really ott when she comes here esp where dd is concerned she sees her on a regular basis so it's not like she never gers to see her my dad comes he plays with her but he acts a bit more normal she comes winds dd up lets dd do things she would never allow in her house and then leaves. Help.me!

Let's hope DD pukes all over her then....

Oh i would like that.

From the threads on MN it seems mils can’t do anything right 🤨

Well, ignoring everything the OP says is not doing something right....

Well... that depends on what OP has said... MN threads consist of mils not seeing their DGC on a regular basis - that’s wrong. MILS who see their dgc on a regular basis but do the normal thing of raising baby in the air, usually to squeals of excitement from dgc is also wrong.

Poor mils never seem to get it right... Damned if they do, damned if they don’t. Glad that OP’s dad manages to behave in a more ‘usual’ way around his gc. Who would have known? 🙄

MILs get as rough a ride as step mothers. It's ok to hate your MIL but not step kids. Seems same to me, but it's acceptable to hate MILs on here.

So mil completely ignoring op is acceptable behaviour these days?...seems to me on mn that Dil are often expected to give mil a free pass for most things.

Not going to be a popular view I'm sure, but definitely the impression I have got recently

Sorry but whose kids are they? Whose house is it? Who has to clean up the vomit if the child brings up their tea? The OP. It's not being anti-MIL to want basic respect in your own house and with regards to your own children. My MIL is lovely, but I don't expect to have to ask her multiple times to stop chucking my DD about just after she's eaten.

Is she staying or just visiting. How old is DD? Bedtime now surely?

It’s not anti mil to ask someone to respect your reasonable rules and requests while in your home

Sorry everyone was cleaning up after mils visit she has gone home now and dd is in bed although she was very hard to settle tonight.

Just to be clear i am NOT anti mil I actually really love my mil but i was a bit taken back by her rudeness tonight i was trying to talk to her about our mothers day plans as as have decided to spend it together with dh and dd I thought it would be nice to all go out together and mil just wasn't listening at all I was trying to find out where she would like to go and i had to keep repeating myself in the end I just walked out of the room and went and made a cuppa. Whilst I was in the kitchen a biscuit was smushed into my sofa and an ornament of mine was broke not a special one but still that ornament has been there for the last few years but because she gets dd so hyped up she starts showing off and acting boistrous. My neighbours have commented that they hear everything mil says to dd when she is here but they dont hear our conversations even my friends have commented at how bizzare mil acts with dd once telling me how one day dd is goinh to live with her. I'm not trying to drip feed here i usually let all this stuff go over my head but it annoyed me tonight because ive been trying to do something really nice for mil for mothers day and even arranged for dbil to come as a surprise I just wanted to know where she wanted to eat.

You're in the right place. Nothing is more evil in MN land than a MiL. Crack on you have found your people!

Yes you are drip feeding. And your MIL is probably best friends with Satan.
I hope this makes you feel better.

I dont think my mil is evil and in a lot of cases I think dils can be just as bad sometimes worse. As i say ususally I get on very well with mil we are pretty close.

I dont want everyone to say my mil is awful I'm simply looking for advice on how to manage these visits when she hypes up mil. The ornament and the sofa happened after my op so im sorry I couldn't include before hand I just didn't know it was going to happen... I bet your dil loves you. You sound like a dream

Mine visited today, criticised the clutter (it’s not cluttered) and dumped five whole boxes of old magazines on us. Then announced that they have sold their house, are coming to live in our town and need to use ‘some storage space’. Oh and they need somewhere to stay for twelve weeks between houses.

Deep, deep cleansing breaths.

Hypes up dd. Apologies.

That's one thing mil has never done is critisise my home or parenting or anything like that she always compliments that stuff saying she loves how I've done the house asks me where I've got stuff and always tells me how brilliant of a job im doing and says how she wishes she had all the knowledge mum's have today when she was raising her boys. I suspect if I swapped all the mils in this post for dm this would be going rather differently.. arr well!

You shouldn't have to but...

Try the doctor route. Tell MIL that DD is not to be messed about with being thrown etc doctors orders. Ask your HV if you don't want to lie, they will say tell her not to do it!

If she still does it after doctor's orders, she is not being an excitable grandma, she is being mean. Get DH to tell her.

To be honest it's not something I would usually mind if dd hadn't just eaten her tea I struggle enough getting food inside her without her throwing up the little amount she does sat. I thought mil would start calming down with dd as she got older but it just seems like she's getting worse. I had to beg her the last time she was here not to give dd chocolate as she had been sick earlier that day I felt so mean because i could see she was just trying to give dd a treat I just don't want it to feel like I'm always saying no please don't do that but at the same time i cant just stand by And allow all this stuff to happen. She is a good gm though she just gets too carried away.

Does she pop round when she feels like it?

Maybe you could start being "out" (join toddler groups etc) and not get back until bedtime and then it is too late for visits. Basically organise your life so that MIL visits are when it is a better time for her to be boisterous with her.

Again, you shouldn't have to, but if she won't be told you'll just have to take matters into your own hands.

As for Mother's Day, go ahead and make your plans and just INFORM her of them. Don't get DH to ask. You've asked and she was rude so she now doesn't get a say. If she wonders why she didn't get a say, tell her (and DH) that you asked her several times and she ignored you so obviously doesn't have an opinion so you've decided on your own.

I actually have a theory about this "deafness". Some people do hear but want to be begged or want to make the speaker say the same thing over and over. My MIL did it if you asked her what she wanted to eat or something, she'd pretend not to hear you so you had to ask her again and again, sort of like begging her. I didn't. I never asked more than once once I realised it was a little game.

She usually does check that we are home and good to have visitors however she has just turned up on a few occasions and once or twice came anyway a when i said it wasn't a good time but as unsaid more often then not she checks first.

When does always choose to come on tea time though which annoys me as for me I like tea time and the time after before dd goes to bed to be calm and sort of a wind down time for dd so she settles.

She doesn't normally ignore we we usually have a fab relationship I usually call her at least twice a week sometimes more if it's been a busy week for us or mil and we havent had chance to see her I send pics and videos of dd as mil to babysit but quite often I do not use dd gps to babysit this is because mil if fine if she gets to babysit but gets a bit funny with us if we ask my df to watch dd we do ask both gp equally and they both like doing it. Come sept dd will be starting nursary so we will be out and busy a lot more.