AIBU to feel f*cking hard done by?

[Therecanbeonly1]

We have had to move in with my parents (job loss, debt, 1 bed flat was too small and expensive for 3 of us). My mother has multiple health problems including depression. She tried to commit suicide a while back. I found her and her horrible note. Her deteriorating health was another reason for moving in - to help her out as she can't cope on her own and my Dad works long days. I help her to the point of exhaustion. We have a beautiful 3 yr old son who is my only joy at the moment.
I care about my mother and feel so sorry for her but her total evil nastiness is making our lives a living hell. She has an evil comment to make about everything single thing we do. She accuses me of making her ill and that I am just waiting for her and my Dad to die so I can have everything. This is not true and it hurts so much.

She calls my son nasty names and says he is evil and accuses my husband of having an affair if he is half an hour late home from work and berates him for having a low paid job (this is not his fault!)
The arrangement could work so well - it is a huge 5 bed house and has more than enough room for all of us. Obviously we share all the bills and pay them rent too.

My Dad is wonderful and gets just as much abuse.
This happens daily.
Please help - I'm at the end of my tether and feel trapped and heart broken.

Handholding for you OP, until someone else more knowledgeable comes along.

I'm so so sorry your going through this this is such an awful situation

I have no experience with what your going through but something awful must have happened to make her that way

I'm sure she knows you love her and there just words she's saying

Have you got any help respite mental help for her?

I'm glad your there for your dad

You sound amazing

Is there enough room in the house to separate yourselves from her? Could you have your own sitting room for example? Engineer meal times so you have minimal contact. Is your mum getting any other support so the burden is not left with you? Try to section off your day when you are "on call" to her needs but give yourself your own family time when you are not available.

Does she have any other support for her MH or physical care? Yanbu at all it sounds awful. How old is your wee one too as this could be detrimental for him as well. So you need to see what extra help she is entitled to to share the burden for you. Social work, nursing care, a day centre, etc.
Meantime can you make plans to get out most days to escape her? Just wee coffee morning toddler sessions or similar. So you get space.
Oh and carers allowance if she is under your care? I wonder if you could also make a second living space for you to escape to. Under the guise of not disturbing her peace...

YANBU it sounds awful. You need to try and get out of there.
It's not good for you or your son and will affect your own mental health before long.

Gosh is she seeing anyone for her mental health? She sounds delusional. My mother went like this before she was diagnosed with Alzheimers, accused my nephew of stealing from her etc.

So sorry to hear your mum is making you so miserable OP - Im clutching at straws for you to suggest a reason but my grandma used to get really nasty whenever she had a urine/bladder/kidney infection. It was a couple of years before we worked out the connection . Could it be that your mum is similar? x

Thank you so much everyone. I thought I was going crazy. I am so grateful to live in the house. Its big enough that we have space bigger than our little flat was and yes we have our own sitting room and bedrooms.

When we suggest she needs help she goes crazy and 'how dare you tell me what to do'
'you have no respect' and that's when I get 'you can't wait for me and your Dad to die'.
I know she is in pain but it's hard to get that sort of abuse from your own mother. My Dad says to ignore it but she is mostly sweetness when he is around. She says to everyone that we give her lots of work but I do all the housework while she sits in her room.
We do go out all the time to keep out of her way but sometimes my son just wants to hang out at home but then he gets told off for making noise etc even though he is just a normal 3 year old.

I thought of possible dementia, too. I have heard of people becoming verbally abusive because of dementia.

She calls your son names and says he's 'evil'? That's more than depression IMO.

Your first priority is your son and tbh I would move out...you have no idea of the long term damage the environment could cause.

You need to consider your son first and foremost. Your mother is verbally abusive and controlling. You found her and her note after a suicide attempt. What if its your son who finds her next time?