DD allowed to roam the streets.

[Deshasafraisy]

My daughter (9) has started going to play at her friends house after school for a few hours. I don’t really know the family, it’s arranged through text. My dd let it slip that when she’s there they are often left home alone and are also allowed to go out and roam around the streets.
Am I being too precious and protective thinking this is a bit off or is it ok at their age.
We live in a small town, not a city.

Only you can really gauge how safe your town feels and how mature your DD is.

I doubt we will let our DS play out like that when he is 9 but he is very naive and we live on a very busy road.

At 9 I would not like them left alone in the house.

Playing out alone not to bad if they are not near busy roads at 9.

There are DC in Dd'9 class who let themselves in after school. The parents are mostly here to work so have not much of a choice.

I would speak to the parent to double check.

I live in a small (sleepy) town. I let my DC play out a bit (within defined geographic boundaries) from 8yo with a friend of similar or older age. I noticed a sibling pair out on their own the other day like this (they are 8yo & 9yo).

I doubt I would let them out without telling other parent, though, or not if I didn't know the other child had that much freedom already. Maybe chat with them & clarify what exactly the freedoms are.

I was roaming by the age of 6yo in a dodgy neighbourhood in big scary city, so find the modern protectiveness tediously OTT.

I think at 9, sensible kids can go out with a friend, on a specific mission.
I live about a mile outside a tiny town, and my kids were allowed to walk in to buy sweets. They knew the rules, and we always checked it with the other parent. Both my kids always really enjoyed it.

A year or so later, they did more open ended things, like going to the park, with no specific time to return.
General roaming at 9 would be a no from me, and I think it's of of order of the other parents to assume it'd ok.

I wouldn't be happy! My daughter has a friend who house she goes to - parent is at home but they go out and play with some other children when it's light before 6.30 but it's a cul de sac with lots of children. The Mum checked with me first. When they are at our house they are not allowed out as we are in a road opposite the common and no other children out. I would definitely not be happy with them being left alone. My daughter is 9 too and we live in a village.

I don’t like the idea of “roaming”, I know that makes me sound overprotective.

Perhaps “walk to xx shop” down the road and come straight back. Perhaps go to xx other friend house and stay for half hour and then come back.

Nope, not a fan of kids roaming.

When my DD was that age she went to play at a friends and told me later than Mum wasn't home just a big brother who was asleep so the two girls went to the park and hung around with the bigger kids.,

She never went to that house to play again.

Not a chance but a really sensible friend of mine slowed her son to go to the park with friends at 9, albeit it was about 20 seconds walk away and he had a hidden phone

Definitely not acceptable. Roaming the streets in a feral manner poses risks that a 9 year old cannot manage. What is the purpose of ‘roaming’ sounds like the sort who rapidly start ‘hanging around’ in large groups. No reason to be ‘roaming so I wouldn’t have allowed it.

Thanks everyone. I’m glad my feelings of unease aren’t completely unreasonable. I don’t want to wrap my daughter in cotton wool but I also feel like her level of independence should be controlled by me not another mother who I don’t really know. I feel she should have checked with me.

The parents should have checked with you first. At nine, mine weren't allowed to roam alone and certainly weren't left alone in the house. I'd not be happy and would be stopping the play dates.

No I wouldn’t. I’d also not be happy about my child just hanging around somewhere else every day, that’s a lot of time not with their parent or a structured setting.

Sorry, this sounds like a recipe for trouble to me. A nine year old simply can't be trusted to make good decisions, and should real danger come her way, the chances are excellent that she will not know how to handle it or understand the consequences. Also, I think it's crazy to send her to a home where you don't even know the family and what their situation is. To me, it seems as though you're gambling with your child's wellbeing.