Am I being selfish or should I leave for my MH

[sunni13]

Been with my dh 7 years have 2 children together and 2 with exh, only been married for 4 and I am so unhappy in the relationship. I am a full time student doing a degree and am the main carer to my children, I love my life my children are all doing great, studying is going better than I ever expected and I am heading in the right direction. However, my dh bores the life out of me, he never wants to go anywhere together, never wants to have a conversation, doesn't do anything with the children, play, homework etc.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety 2 years ago after a major loss in my family which hit me hard and was unexpected however I kept up with my studies, looked after my children and have been battling on.
I found my dh to be very unsupportive through all of this and at the beginning of last year I was at a real low with my depression. dh than announced he had a new job and was working away and spent the majority of last year working out of town and coming home on a weekend. I got into a great routine with the children, house, university etc and my depression and anxiety seemed to almost disappear (except for a weekend when he was home, he was spending most of the weekend in bed tired from working).
Now he's home permanently and has been in and out of work for the last few months, which has caused my depression and anxiety to return.
Last year I discovered he had run up a huge amount of debt through gambling and then was using his wage to try and pay it off before I found out, leaving me and the children without a lot of the time, he also lost his driving licence last year due to drink driving.
He had some run ins in the past with the police but I really thought he had grown up, I'm flying in my studies and feel like I'm going somewhere and I hate to say it but I think he is holding me back from the happy life I could have with just me and my children, he is disengaged from family life, he does very little in the house mostly nothing. He contributes financially to the household but that's about it, when he's home he has his head in his phone it is so lonely and boring. I spend a lot of my time brooding over our crappy relationship.
I spoke to my mum about how I was feeling she dismissed me, told me all men are the same, think about the children, stop being selfish, .
I'm stuck!

Sorry you didn't get more support from your Mum.

You sound like you've got your head screwed on and he sounds like a nightmare. Drink driving? Gambling debts? Trouble with the police?

I say ignore your Mum, follow your instincts and file for divorce. Yes, for your MH, also for your happiness and for your children.

Stop being held back by him, go and be the strong and brilliant woman you know you are.

Not all men are the same. That's incredibly insulting. Wonder what your mum's intentions are in wanting to keep you together. Is she worried if you split you'll need more from her then she can give? Seems so weird for a parent to encourage their child to stay in a shit relationship.

You're with a man who gambles, drink drives and has a criminal record. Let that sink in. Is that what you want for your life? I'm curious why you got together with him if those aren't brand new issues?

You're obviously done emotionally and just trying to work up the courage and rationale to leave. It's okay, you can leave. Some relationships don't work out. Better to move on and have a chance at happiness than to remain in something that's not right for you just because you had kids and signed a marriage contract.

Sounds like you should spend some time alone focusing on your four children and your studies/career.

You're really not stuck. What you've described sounds like a dysfunctional relationship , you'd probably be much happier as a single parent.

all men aren't the same, leave the useless lump

Get out now and don't look back, he's totally holding you back and doesn't bring anything to the relationship. You and the kids will be much happier if you leave. And your mum sounds rubbish!

Your mum is wrong, not all
Men are like this thank god.

Leave him and be happy and successful

You know what you need to do. It’s going to happen. You just need to decide if you do it now, or wait a few years and wish you’d done it now. Best of luck!

My mum had same reaction when I told her of my unhappiness. It's irrelevant though, you're the person actually living this relationship.

Usually I err on the side of staying together for the DC but it sounds like they haven't got much of a relationship with him anyway so wouldn't be losing anything.

In your situation I would leave and not look back; it will be hard at first (I know, I've done it) but once you adapt you will then wonder why you stayed so long.....
Ignore your mother. My mother was the same, she couldn't bear to think I'd divorce but no-one should stay in a bad relationship just because their mother says so!!

It sounds like you've really answered you're own question it's just a question of when.

Thank you all for your supportive comments, Lemonshark- I think thats what she is worried about having to do any childcare for me, I have always felt like a disappointment to her and I think this would be another failure of mine to add to the list :(
He didn't have a gambling problem when we met and this was one isolated incident but the timing couldn't of been worse! I was going through grief counselling and trying to juggle uni and children while he was taking out overdrafts and loans and gambling the money, he said he was unhappy and it made him feel better!
My mum is pretty crappy when it comes to offering advice especially if it is relationship advice, my parents have been together since they were young and believe that you should stay together no matter what, they have obviously never felt as lonely and depressed as I feel now