Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go home because of my son’s behaviour?

55 replies

QueenofmyPrinces · 20/02/2018 19:21

Long story short....

I’m currently away for 5 days in the UK with my two sons, my mother and my sister’s two children.

I have a 6 month old and a 4 year old (he’s 4 in two weeks).

My sister’s children are 8 and 11.

We arrived yesterday and my 4 year old’s behaviour has been appalling. I don’t know what’s got in to him. He’s deliberately being naughty, answering back, refusing to do as he’s told, throwing things around, having a meltdown when he doesn’t get his own way, stomping his feet, shouting, screaming, refusing to eat his meals and lots of other things too and it may sound dramatic but it’s ruining the trip.

All normal sanctions, punishments, discussions etc are having absolutely no effect and I’m totally fed up.

I’m not enjoying myself at all and I feel incredibly guilty towards my sister’s children because between my son’s behaviour and me constantly shouting it is casting a huge shadow over everything.

Due to him being naughty he’s not being allowed to go and enjoy the activities we had planned and instead my mom just takes my sister’s children so as a result I’m bound to the apartment anyway and I’m just generally so miserable and stressed by it all.

All I want to do is go home because I can’t cope with another three days of this. If nothing else it means my mom and my sister’s children can at least enjoy the rest of the holiday.

AIBU to do it because of how badly he’s behaving? I don’t know what else to do.

OP posts:
whyismykid · 20/02/2018 20:07

My son was like this at a similar age on holiday once - we were staying with a friends parents and it was awful - I was so embarrassed and could understand why he was behaving so badly. A couple of days later his eardrum burst! I felt so bad that I had been cross with him! (Maybe not helpful but If it’s so out of character check there isn’t something wrong!)

shinysinkredemption · 20/02/2018 20:08

I have a teenager who acts up when she's sad/needing attention. The worst thing I can do is get angry. What works is acknowledging how she's feeling, talking to her and giving her positive attention. Try starting again, forget the naughty step, forget losing your temper with him and treating him like the problem ruining your holiday. Tell the cousins to indulge him a little bit and give him loads of attention - get him to choose what to do for a morning, or what to have for pudding. Between the cousins, the baby and your Mom he is probably feeling left out - and unsettled with the change of routine.

sassyannie · 20/02/2018 20:14

Perhaps sensory overload? I remember my granddaughter having an almighty tantrum on a very busy beach aged 2, but looking back it was probably because it was a totally alien environment. He is still little as the other posters say and living very much in the moment. So a fresh start tomorrow x

TittyGolightly · 20/02/2018 20:14

You’re in a spiral of negativity.

Google lovebombing.

Kleinzeit · 20/02/2018 20:23

We arrived yesterday

Deep breath. The chances are he will settle down soon. I have never yet taken a holiday with DS where I have not thought on the first day "FFS why did we bother? I just want to go home". By day 2 or 3 things are usually a lot better.

Maybe have a less exciting day tomorrow than you had originally planned to give him time to find his feet. Flowers

BarbarianMum · 20/02/2018 20:26

Is he excited or is he anxious? Sometimes little ones can find a total change of scene and routine quite stressful and will act up. Can you plan some low key activities (preferably including some physical stuff then some quiet playing together/cuddling together watching telly).

Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 20/02/2018 20:27

Well I’ve just put him to bed and it went surprisingly better than expected seeing as his cousins were obviously staying up. We had our usual stories and songs and I gave him a big cuddle and told him that I knew mommy had been shouting a lot today but that I do love him lots too. I explained I just wanted us all to have a nice holiday together and that tomorrow would be a better day.

He absolutely adores his cousins (and they him) and I think he’s just excited about being able to spend so much time with them. The time today where his behaviour was at its best was when he was alone with me whilst my mom took my sister’s children to the adventure park.

The baby is breast fed so I can leave him with my mom for a few hours but not for any prolonged amount of time.

My mom is taking my sister’s children to a magic show tonight so ok glad they’ll be doing something just the three of them with some time away from the craziness.

OP posts:
Trendy1 · 20/02/2018 20:29

So it's four youngish children, you and your DM. How old is your DM, not being rude, but is she much help? You sound absolutely exhausted. If you go home, does that leave DM with two young kids? How about if you take the toddler out on his own. He sounds desperate for attention. Tell him you love him, etc, etc, instead of the constant punishments.

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 20/02/2018 20:30

Stop shouting

Stop punishing

I've been parenting since God was a boy and the above are usually a vicious circle.

Praise, praise then praise a bit more. Acknowledge any bit of good behaviour and ignore the bad. Try and redivert where you can.

And don't do massive build ups to events, we used to just turn up at places without telling them to avoid the over excited build up. And we'd very much play down any excitement, telling them we were going to Disneyland with the same enthusiasm as we'd announce a trip to McDonald's.

CuppaSarah · 20/02/2018 20:36

Sounds like you guys nailed bedtime! He really needed that bit of one to one time with you and to know you didn't like shouting.

Maybe in the morning ask him what one thing he would like to do with just you. I imagine it will be something simple like pushing him on the swings, or going for a walk, or even cooking together. Offer it as a reward, not 'if you aren't naughty we can do this' but more 'after you do some lovely listening we can...'

Now make sure you take some time for you tonight! You deserve to enjoy a bit of time.

Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 20/02/2018 20:40

My mom is 58 and is very active. She takes my sister’s children away every year and this time she asked if I fancied it too as I’m on maternity.

She’s took them around the rapids in Splash World today... she’s got more energy than me.

The baby is still up 2 times a night so I’m pretty tired in general.

He’s such a lovely little boy usually which is why his behaviour is so surprising, it’s just not like him. My mom has never seen him like this before and I think she’s quite taken aback, as am I really.

OP posts:
Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 20/02/2018 20:45

I remember taking my daughter away at this age, she was awful and it was like I was constantly on eggshells and didn’t really enjoy myself at all! She is now nearly 5 and still talks about her time on holiday, so she obviously enjoyed it. I think you have to loosen off the normal home rules a little, let him not eat the meals if he doesn’t want to etc. Choose your battles! And try not to shout as you are guaranteed to feel bad later on when he is in adorable mode Wink

ViceAdmiralAmilynHoldo · 20/02/2018 20:47

Glad bedtime went better. How I didn't kill my youngest when he was three, I don't know, so I feel your pain. Tomorrow is another day full of sunshine and hope and perfectly behaved three year olds Grin.

SusanBunch · 20/02/2018 20:58

Just laughing at everyone insisting that he is 3 when he is literally 4 in 14 days time. As if those days would make a huge difference to his expected behaviour. It sounds challenging, OP. If you really are finding it too tough, don't feel bad about going home early. It sounds like maybe he is not enjoying the holiday much either if he keeps misbehaving and missing out on activities.

5plusMeAndHim · 20/02/2018 21:04

Just laughing at everyone insisting that he is 3 when he is literally 4 in 14 days time.

Exactly ! he is a lot closer to 48 months old than 36 months old

mrsBeverleyGoldberg · 20/02/2018 21:05

This is kids. I've just had another bad afternoon with my 13 year old ds, so I feel your pain. He's having terrible twos now and won't stop screaming. Don't go home. Continue with the routine of punishment you have been doing today.

Kahlua4me · 20/02/2018 21:07

My dc used to behave like this for the first few days of a holiday, much in the same way that adults take time to unwind and adjust to new holiday routine....

Teeniemiff · 20/02/2018 21:12

I don’t think yabu to want to go home really, I’ve been there before. It’s not enjoyable for you or him I imagine so understand you not wanting to stay & also feeling exhausted at the constant battle.

But in those times I’ve not been home because I’ve tried to remind myself my daughter is just 2, or 3, or 4 😩

Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 20/02/2018 21:15

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice.

I didn’t hear a peep out of him after I left the bedroom and when I checked on him 15 minutes later he was fast asleep.

I’m going to bed myself now because I feel so so drained. I’m hoping so much for a better day tomorrow.

OP posts:
GinisLife · 20/02/2018 21:23

What @TheVastMajority said. Join the Therapeutic Parenting site on FB. Time in, not time out. Lots of cuddles. Lots of wondering why he's feeling like he does. Sit quietly with him until he's calm.

WellThisIsShit · 20/02/2018 21:24

Everyone is ‘insisting’ the little boy is 3 because being 4 can mean anything in that 12months, and it’s easy to forget that ‘not quite 4 yet’ means something completely different from ‘almost 5’!

Remembering how young a child really is can be an easy way of getting things back in perspective, particularly when they seem ginormous next to a new baby, or when their behaviour is less than rational and reasonable.

Bedtime sounds really good. More sleep will help everyone as well!

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 20/02/2018 21:54

You have my sympathies OP. I have two DC who are older (5 and 7) but from about age 3 onwards if they are in exciting environments with relatives tend to behave terribly Sad. In fact I have posted about it on here before. The only thing we have found that even helps a little is to do as ItsAllABitStrange says and to build up to exciting events as little as possible. The more we all look forward to things, the worse it is Sad. Also I now plan for the worst on ‘big’ holidays and days out and hope to enjoy the more normal things more instead.

I wish I had the answers for you.It is tough Flowers.

StrangeLookingParasite · 20/02/2018 22:00

I have no advice (because I think I was a shit parent, especially at this age - 3-4 was really hard!), but you have so much sympathy from me. Your mum has the easy bit with the two older ones, you have two at really hard demanding stages.
I hope tomorrow is a better day, and I bet you're doing better than I did!

Rosamund1 · 20/02/2018 22:15

Could it be that he is unsettled by you ‘parenting’ his cousins when you’re HIS MUMMY AND BELONG TO HIM NOT THEM!1!!1

waterrat · 20/02/2018 22:23

Gosh op he is so young. He has a tiny baby sibling and a change if environment. He seems big to you as he is your oldest but my youngest is that age and I think of her as my baby!

Just stay calm and let him get some extra attention from you to begin over again.

Swipe left for the next trending thread