Feeling guilty for my thoughts

[firsttimemum889]

I had ds 4 months ago a baby that i wanted very much and struggled to conceive . I have moments everyday that i feel trapped i dont do anything for myself anymore and i have no time alone . Ds doesnt sleep well and only naps on me that means that i have to sleep with him when he goes
to sleep at 7 or else i wont het any sleep after that . I feel that my day has no begining and no end is just a never ending routine . Am an expat here and dont have any family support other than dh .
There are times when i miss my life before him and i feel so guilty because i love him so much and i know how lucky i am to have him
Does anyone feel like this ? Is it normal ? I was expecting to feel like this in the first few weeks but he is "over " the newborn stage now and i still feel the same . I didnt expect my life to remain the same after having him but i really miss having some time to myself
Will this get better ? I know it wont get easier but will it get better ?

100% normal (and it does get easier!).
I remember feeling like that with both of mine, and for a lot longer than 4 months. I found it pretty relentless until they were walking at about 12 months although when they can sit up by themselves things improve massively.
Mine are 4 and 2.5 now and while it’s still pretty relentless in other ways I have time to myself, they both sleep 7-7 (DD1 didn’t sleep through until 3.5) and my body is my own!

@Chienrouge god i hope he sleeps throught sooner than that :p I feel so bad but i almost cant wait to go back to work

It does get easier, when they’re able to eat solids, entertain themselves, sit crawl and walk - it gives you far more freedom. But like anything new and scary you will have moments where you wished things were back the way you knew so well. When you became an expat I’m sure you had days where you thought ‘I miss my old life, I want to go back’ or when starting a new job with things to learn you think ‘I’ll never get the hang of this - I wish I was back at my old place’ having babies is just the same, you knew exactly what to do when it was just you and you had all the freedom you could wish for. having a baby does obviously replace all that with a new life, experiences and responsibilities you’ve never had but somewhere down the line things will get easier and you’ll look back at times before baby and appreciate them but never want to go back. Good luck with everything.

@Notsooriginalwerther thank you so much what you said really had an impact on me is true that whenever i start something new i wish i would go back . Thank you so much for your comment

firsttimemum889 no need to thank me at all, you are not alone in having those feelings and I speak from experiece, we all go through it I promise, so don’t feel guilty.

How I like to visualise my life is that before my dd I was a glass picture in a frame, I was the only one in the picture, after giving birth the picture was smashed into lots of pieces and slowly but surely with time and each day that passed me by I put the pieces back together and sometimes I found bits that somehow just didnt fit it in the frame anymore but that’s okay because they’ve been replaced with pieces that are a better fit now. You’ll always be you but there is someone else in the picture now.