Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

My birthday party

23 replies

26mcjrfm · 20/02/2018 16:17

Ok, so today it's my birthday (wuhooo)

I am very close to my DPs family, as I live far from mine. They are invaluable to us, help us with childcare and are always there for us etc. The only flaw - they never visit our house (5min drive away). Even after we had DD we had to visit them, they never came to visit us even when she was a tiny baby.

Anyway - they are always so generous with gifts, throw a party and everything on birthdays, but today DP has informed me that they would like us to call down as it's my birthday and they would like to see me.

Am I being totally unreasonable in asking them to visit me on my birthday? I'm slightly embarrassed to go down, as it looks like I'm only going down as I know they have a gift?

OP posts:

TableShack · 20/02/2018 16:19

YABU

Moregilmoregirls · 20/02/2018 16:22

It's your birthday you should do what you like. That being said will it cause major arguments that will then affect your relationship? Personally I'd stay at home and ask them to visit me if they want to see me on my birthday

DancesWithOtters · 20/02/2018 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

26mcjrfm · 20/02/2018 16:30

No definitely not a surprise, it's not a major birthday. DPs mum asked earlier if they should get me a cake but he told them no as I said I don't want fuss. It's just the expectation of always going to them. With a new born baby they always text asking us to come round, and never once darkened our doorway.

DP has said I don't have to go down if I don't want to, I can see them at the weekend. However, it's the principle that they won't come to see me and I'd still have to travel down on Saturday to receive my gift. I know I sound ungrateful, I really appreciate all they do and they don't have to get me a present. It's this small thing that grates me at times!

OP posts:

Aprilshowerswontbelong · 20/02/2018 16:31

Stay home, they aren't Royalty to have you summoned - they are capable of putting a coat on and visiting you today!!
And Happy Birthday!!

Trinity66 · 20/02/2018 16:32

Why don't you ask them to call to you for a change? Would that offend them or something?

Bluelady · 20/02/2018 16:33

I'm in the unreasonable camp.

DancesWithOtters · 20/02/2018 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thecatsthecats · 20/02/2018 16:38

YANBU - just say you'd be happy for them to come over. No excuses, no explanations, just put the ball in their court.

Original poster

26mcjrfm · 20/02/2018 16:41

I'm really not sure. They are a very small family so don't do much visiting outside to other relatives. It's only my DMils mother is the only other house they visit. I get on really well with them, DMil is like my second mum. We have a nice house which is kept (relatively) clean and tidy and I'm pretty sure we don't smell. I think the done thing in their family is to stay in the house whereas I have a large family, and we visit family members on their birthdays.

OP posts:

noname28 · 20/02/2018 16:44

YANBU. It's your birthday and you should be able to do what you'd like.

BUT if you've not got plans anyway I'd go to theirs, sounds like they do a lot for you and it's nice that they want to see you. to save any hurt feelings I'd go anyway.

Original poster

26mcjrfm · 20/02/2018 16:46

trinity I honestly don't think they'd come.. We've tried that before when DD was born and they just said 'Oh we'll see her tomorrow if you're too tired to bring her round today'.

I don't want to cause offence, as I said we are actually very close. I think next year I'll be saying we have a small cake in our house if they'd like to come round for tea.

OP posts:

Chienrouge · 20/02/2018 16:47

If this is their only foible and they’re otherwise kind, generous, helpful and lovely then I’d let it go.

Original poster

26mcjrfm · 20/02/2018 16:48

noname yes I've decided to go :) I was just wondering what everyone else's opinion on the matter was as DP said I sounded ungrateful

OP posts:

GeorgeTheHippo · 20/02/2018 16:53

Well it's pretty odd. But if they are odd but generally nice and supportive then I suppose it is worth going along with it.

jelliebelly · 20/02/2018 16:53

I’d let it go tbh but have you ever asked why they don’t want to visit your house?

Original poster

26mcjrfm · 20/02/2018 17:00

jellie I've asked DP, he said they didn't do much visiting as kids as they didn't have much family. It's probably just habit! My family is huge, so we were always visiting at the weekends. Just a different upbringing I guess!

They are so good to us so I'm not offended by it. I really just wanted to see if iwbu in thinking it was strange that they asked me to come down.

Thanks for all your replies!

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 20/02/2018 17:08

My mum is weird like this I live close and she never visits and when she does then she is uncomfy till she leaves she can't settle in anybodies house except her own she is an oddbod maybe your mil is the same

MrsJayy · 20/02/2018 17:09

I usually go to my mums on birthdays saves any awkwardness

Trinity66 · 20/02/2018 17:10

trinity I honestly don't think they'd come.. We've tried that before when DD was born and they just said 'Oh we'll see her tomorrow if you're too tired to bring her round today'.

That's odd isn't it? I suppose it's not a massive deal but I get why it's kind of annoying as well

Original poster

26mcjrfm · 20/02/2018 17:13

mrsjay this is possibly the exact same situation. DMil has (very kindly) dropped DD to ours after I've finished work and I've invited her in for tea and a bikkie. She will politely decline. Perhaps more comfortable in their own home.

For DDs birthday they wanted a party in theirs, I declined and invited everyone to our home. It was lovely and they enjoyed themselves and didn't seem uncomfortable. And on a very positive note, they didn't overstate their welcome. Unlike the party in my parents where some relatives stayed until 1am when DD was tucked up in bed since 8pm. Both parties were good fun :)

OP posts:

Original poster

26mcjrfm · 20/02/2018 17:16

trinity exactly- not a massive deal on the grand scheme of things, but slightly irritating at times.

OP posts:

PaperdollCartoon · 20/02/2018 17:32

No I don’t think you’re unreasonable to want them to come to you sometimes. It’s not all the time, but visits should be reciprocated unless there’s a good reason - elderly and infirm or disabled maybe. Can you call them and say ‘it’s my birthday, Id really like you to come here for once’? If you’re that close you should be able to say that to her.

Flip