To find very strong displays of anger and upset difficult?

[crunchymint]

I really find it very difficult to deal with people who are very angry or very upset. By upset I mean someone very emotionally upset and ranting. My instinct is just to get away. No idea why I feel like this. I don't come from a violent or very angry family. But others seem to be fine with a level of emotion that makes me very very uncomfortable.

Who on earth is fine with hanging out with a ranting person? Yes, getting away is sensible. How often are these friends dealing with crazed ranting? Are they traffic wardens?

I'm the same, OP.

You sound sensible and normal. Being find with ranting and anger doesn't sound normal.

No. It has happened at various times. For example more distant family member after a family bereavement. Maybe I just know a lot of chilled out people who handle these things better?

Don’t most people?

My DP is very very calm and has just listened and then calmed people down.
Horse You will know what I mean then.

You are not unusual!
Usually the only people who can deal with this (I won't even use the word comfortable as no one is comfortable with this) are those who are trained to be, so police officers, prison officers, security guards.
The level of adrenaline they need to function in their jobs makes me feel a bit faint tbh.
The M25 on a good day is enough to make most of us take up bicycling.

I will also say a "reaction" to such a display is a reflection on the person witnessing the rage.
It takes reflection, insight and education not to react with anger and rage.

Even if I agree with the reason for the anger and can see why that person is so angry, I just want to leave the room.

I often feel like laughing when faced with someone who is enraged especially if they are making a massive spectacle of themselves.

We're essentially slightly evolved apes. Anger is scary. Bunched fists, raised voice, red face. All designed to make fight, flight, freeze easier for us. But obviously the other person senses that and defends, in your case by flight. Some people freeze, some become aggressive back.

I'm the type that likes adventure sports, roller coasters and I choose to work in high-stress environments. But it's not the most sensible response to stress. Takes all sorts.

Nobody likes that, anger is frightening and you react with a flight response to what your brain perceived as an animal danger.

If we care enough about a person we may stick around enough to try and calm them down, but few people, especially women, are okay with people blowing up in a rage.

@TheButterflyOfTheStorms there’s also an argument for a fourth reaction - faint!
It’s essentially playing dead so you’ll be left alone by invaders or taken captive rather than slaughtered.
It’s not very effective, as a fainter I think it’s shit.

It’s not very effective, as a fainter I think it’s shit.

It's like extreme freezing!

Yanbu because that is who you are and how you cope but I personally can deal with this. Infact it endears me to people a lot. Depending on circumstances though. But I am able to deal with people displaying a lot of emotion. I'm not in the police force or a psychologist or whatever else where it'd be expected. I just can deal with it.

I am ok with it and it doesn't upset me if people are shouting. Where i work we get shouted at and people get upset fairly regularly most people I work with deal with it ok some do get upset buy its nevervreally bad mainly its down to frustration but if the person was threatening and felt like a danger then thats very different and I think everyone would try and get away from it unless you a trained say as a police officer ECT.

Maybe I am just surrounded by very calm people who can deal with all of this. But interesting to know it is not as abnormal a reaction as it feels in my circle.
I do have an autistic friend who I love very much, but who can get extremely angry about things. Not in a way that is ever threatening, but simply very very emotional. I always just want to run away.

OP, You are responsible for your own feelings. They are responsible for their behaviour.

If you find someone's display of anger/strong emotion difficult, it doesn't; mean they are out of order or you are reasonable for finding it so. Context is all.

As a point, if you posted this on Bereavement, you'd be on the end of posters telling you to get grip and make space for the upset person. Logically, how is this different from making allowances for the angry, etc.?