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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sex after baby

23 replies

Pokemonlovepower · 19/02/2018 21:31

Was chatting with my girlfriends last weekend and this topic came up. Most of them have had sex again max of 2 month wait after birth (even one who's had a c section! !) I felt so guilty that's I haven't had sex with my DH since the birth of ours. My birth wasn't too complex.. I had a cut and a longer than usual recovery time.
I am being unreasonable to be 6 months after birth and still not attempt sex?

OP posts:
DigitalGhost · 19/02/2018 21:33

Not at all. It should be whenever you feel comfortable.
I waited 6 months and 4 days. Although he had been hinting for months.

silkpyjamasallday · 19/02/2018 21:34

You should only have sex when you feel ready, especially if you had complications with the birth of your DC. Everyone is different, some of your friends may well have had sex before they really wanted to because of pestering husbands. We only waited 3 weeks but I had an easy labour and no tearing, and as I had HG when pregnant I felt on top of the world once I'd given birth.

windchimesabotage · 19/02/2018 21:35

No YANBU! I had sex quite soon but it was a mistake as I made my injury worse... Then we didnt try again for a few months. Every woman is different and its not just about injuries but also about recovering psychologically. Also you need to factor in how draining and consuming looking after a newborn can be. It can seriously effect your sex drive for a very long time and that is not uncommon. My sex life has only just started to approach what it was before the baby after three years! Mostly because my son is sleeping through the night now and the extra sleep has started to make me feel like a normal person again. A woman and not just a mother.

readysetcake · 19/02/2018 21:37

I don’t think YABU. It’s your body your choice. It was about 8 weeks for me and I was so nervous and if I’m honest didn’t really want to. But felt I should take the plunge, so to speak, or I would just keep putting it off. And I missed the intimacy. I had similar birth to you so no real reason to be nervous. We just took it really slow and it was absolutely fine! What do you think is stopping you?

awankstainonhumanity · 19/02/2018 21:37

9 weeks and it was fucking agony. I really wish we hadn't. We've done it a handful of times since, and its been 2 years.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 19/02/2018 21:39

We've had sex twice in 6 years, because I was quite bruised and swollen down there, and I was scared.

Original poster
Pokemonlovepower · 19/02/2018 21:48

I'm terrified to have sex again. .. I have this stupid feeling my cut scar will rip apart x

OP posts:
Jassmells · 19/02/2018 21:56

I was terrified too. Did it after 4 months and it was fine. I understand the fear. Have no idea how people have the time, energy or inclination to do it in a matter of days/weeks, quite frankly I'd rather have eaten razor blades than had a shag in the first few weeks.

windchimesabotage · 19/02/2018 21:57

pokermonlovepower i was cut and all the stitches fell out and became infected. Not because of sex but because I stupidly overdid it by going and doing a big food shop by myself two days after the birth!!

My cut took a long time to heal but after 6 months there is no way your scar will 'rip apart' because the flesh will have knitted together too much at that stage for that to be possible. The worst potential problem is a bit of rubbing or tightness against the scar. I only had this in certain positions and it just went away over time as the scar stretched more and so became less sore. And it wasnt really that painful at all, just slightly uncomfortable.

Just go slowly with it and experiment with the angle so that you get the most comfortable position. Any soreness should get much better each time you try. Dont be disheartened if you cant manage penetration the first few times you have a go. It will have helped a bit each time that you even tried. Just take it slowly and be patient. Its natural to feel scared but in reality it wont damage you.

phoenix1973 · 19/02/2018 22:01

Whenever you're ready. I didn't have sex with her dad until 4 years later.
My nurse advised me to have a couple of glasses of wine first.

ThisLittleKitty · 19/02/2018 22:31

3 weeks with my first. Personally couldn't wait months and definitely not years.

mehhh · 19/02/2018 22:32

YANBU I have posted a few times for advice, my dd is 30 weeks old now and although we have tried a number of times it's still not possible for me to have sex it's too sore... you should only do it when you're comfortable

mehhh · 19/02/2018 22:35

I am also terrified as well re my cut, I think it's going to take a lot (mentally as well) to be ready properly

Original poster
Pokemonlovepower · 19/02/2018 22:36

Yeah we had a very "active " sex life before the baby so it's not that I don't want to and I'm really frustrated and what not :-( but more scared

OP posts:
DenPerry · 19/02/2018 22:38

Everyone is different.. you need to feel ready. If it's dragging on 1 year plus then it probably needs addressing. I think it took us until 4 months after my first section, then 4 weeks after my second. Surprisingly I had a strong sex drive that soon after a brutal section, while living in a one bed flat with a toddler and newborn! Don't feel pressured.

BubblesBubblesBubbles · 19/02/2018 22:39

Dc1 within a week, simple birth no tearing, next to no bleeding etc - I was begging dh as I was that desperate Blush

Dc2 about the same birth much the same to number 1, however I did end up with very very sick from retained placenta and wonder if that may not have been my best idea Hmm

I think I am in the minority but we have always been a very close couple - most people I know waited months and months some even waited years, or till they wanted to conceive again.

Everyone is different and only do it if you feel comfortable. Just do what suits you.

TheLegendOfBeans · 19/02/2018 22:41

After my first CS I recovered like a dream and hopped him on in week three post partum.

This time.... Whole different ball game... DS is 19 weeks and we've done it once. It makes me feel a bit sad but it's mostly psychological, plus I have a little fear re the rapid sticky outy expansion of my tummy being something more sinister than just baby fat.

Anyway, I digress. Don't feel pressured and wait until you feel physically "intact". Then and only then just get it on and only then when you have your libido flicker at you signalling it's not vanished x

ferriswheel · 19/02/2018 22:44

I was pregnant again when my baby was 9 weeks old. :)

Original poster
Pokemonlovepower · 20/02/2018 21:32

Yeah I know I'm being silly.. I guess sex.always has hurt a lil but now I'm just even more scared about it all... and in had a lot. Of sex before the baby .. think I might be scared about getting pregnant again too (not a good pregnancy and was on contraception and got pregnant ) x

OP posts:
Sarahh2014 · 20/02/2018 21:38

My hormones were raging before and after birth so I dtd 3 weeks after but if you are still nit ready then that's your choice.Its your body and it's been through a lot

SAMlady · 20/02/2018 21:42

I'm 7 months post partum and we haven't tried. I was badly injured and needed treatment and hubby was too scared to try.
I've been told to use lube, especially if breastfeeding

deadringer · 20/02/2018 21:50

Do whatever suits you. I waited 8 weeks after my first, 6 weeks after my 2nd and only 4 weeks after my third. We took it easy and it was fine. The first time is a bit scary but just take your time and make sure your dh knows he has to stop immediately if there is any pain. I wanted to feel back to normal again asap but looking back now I wonder why I was in such a rush.

Chocolate1984 · 20/02/2018 21:57

I think it depends on a lot of things. I had a terrible birth, complications after, wet myself, smelled, I couldn't breastfeed, midwives were horrible about my "inadequate breasts" & in general felt I had completely failed at being a woman. After my first we didn't have sex for over a year & even after that it was very infrequent.

My second birth was easy in comparison & I left hospital feeling great. I was gagging for sex & had it as soon as I stopped bleeding.

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