AIBU to move city?

[FifiVoldemortsChavvyCousin]

I think my OP may be too long. I'm going to try and split it.

AIBU to want to move to another city to buy a better property, but DD will have to change school?

We are considering moving from Watford to Leighton Buzzard (LB) or even Milton Keynes (MK). I work in Watford and DH works in London. DD’s school is in Watford. DH is unlikely to change job as he is very invested in his current job.

DH and I got married just under 10 years ago and set up home in Watford. I had a child from a previous relationship and she is now 13. We have been renting 2/3 bed properties the whole time we have been here and we have finally scraped together a deposit. In April (touch wood) DH is due to get a pay rise and hopefully we will be able to afford a property valued at around £320,000 (we have spoken to mortgage providers). Part of the reason I would like to buy instead of just continuing to rent is that three times now we have had to move due to LL selling/moving back in and the uprooting and uncertainty of renting is quite stressful. I would like a place we can call our own and paint and decorate as we wish, put up a shelf without having to ask someone else first, etc.

In Watford we can afford a 2 bed flat/maisonette. Further down the train line away from London 320 can get a 3 or 4 bed house for that amount. We have been TTC but I’m running out of time and we realise that we may never need a nursery/second child’s bedroom.

One reason we are considering LB is that with the middle school system, in year (which DD will be going into) 8 many other children will be starting a new school so she won’t stand out as ‘the new girl’. Another is that we already know a few people there. DD is very outgoing fortunately. We have discussed a possible move with her and she says she can still keep in touch with Watford people and make new friends where we move.

My mother and sister are in Birmingham, however they never make much effort to see us anyway, even to call, so I am not putting too much weight on the fact that we will be living closer to them.
We live in Watford and door to door it takes DH about 45 mins to get to work in London (about 30 mins on the train and tube each way) It will be an extra 20 minutes on the train each way if we move to LB. And an additional 10 in MK. These are commutes we have done in the past, and do not consider it to be totally unreasonable. Hopefully the train time could be used to read, or possibly study.

It takes me 15 mins to walk to work and DD takes the bus to school. If we move for me the commute will be LB to Watford about half an hour. From MK to Watford 40 min commute. This is just on the train not figuring in the time to get to the station.

I’m worried about schools. DD had to write an entrance exam to get into her current school school (11 plus). I don’t think it’s amazing, but I know there are worse. I really have no idea which school she will be accepted into and the quality of the school if we move. When we moved to Watford we were practically sitting on the school we had wanted to get into but she still did not get a place there, so I understand there are no guarantees and she could end up in a bad school.

Many of DD’s friends have nice houses and she has said she is not so happy that we live in a three bed terrace and has said she would be even less happy about moving into a 2 bed flat. I know a teenager’s logic is not something to base life decisions on, but we are taking her feelings into account.

Staying here - Cons: Less bang for our buck, possibly no room for a baby if it comes.
Staying here: Pros: Settled in the area; shorter commute; established in school, social circle.

Moving to LB Pros: Better house
Cons: Uprooting and upheaval, new school, longer commute.

Moving to MK: Pros, same as LB, even better house.
Cons: Same as LB, don’t know anyone, no middle school system.

I have created a new username for this as there are identifiable details in my question.

There are properties with 3 beds or even houses for less than 320 but they are 'fixer-uppers' and we want somewhere we can just move into without having to renovate first.

Two part answer:

1. YANBU to move - I recently (a year ago) moved my kids (one school age, one a toddler) from London quite a long way north for a job. And kids just adapt! So don’t worry to much about that - with either new place, your DD would be close enough to see friends from Watford at weekends etc, and I think that moving as a child, and setting up again, and knowing that you can make new friends and build a new life gives you so much confidence which helps you as an adult.

2. YABU not to think about the lifestyle impact of extra commuting. Our quality of life in this new city has been massively improved by the fact that we are now a 30 min walk from DHs office - rather than a lengthy, often disrupted combination of trains and tubes. If you do have another child, would one of you be able to get back in time for nursery pick ups etc?

Good luck in making the choice!

whyismykid

Thanks for the answer.
I worry a bit more about DD because she is no longer a primary school age child and it is not as easy with an older child. She would be able to visit.

I would possibly change jobs if we did have a baby to get around the nursery issues.

I think the commute issues could be offset by being in a less cramped house of our own.

I must be the Debbie Downer and say that at a similar age we moved house and the loss of everything familiar deeply affected me, however we moved countries so that’s a big difference and it was before WhatsApp and all that for keeping in touch.

Bumping for replies.