AIBU.....recently widowed Mum.and my new job....please.help.!!

[whatisforteamum]

I just saw my DM its her birthday and weeding anniversary would be been 52 years.Since df died in September she has had to cope alone.this is a new thing for her as df dealt with most things.DM is however a very strong woman.For months my dh took her to the garden centre and popped in to see her.I did what I could in my week off for the funeral disposing of pills sorting her clothes picking up food.
However I started a new job just before df died.I'm working 55/60 hours a week which meant Xmas and DEC was full on.Now were covering each others holidays.
I love working but it leaves little time for anything including seeing my dh.
How can I support DM moving forward ? I can't leave my job as I've had two in a year ...one li left as the bosses took my large tax rebate and all the staff left.
My siblings don't help her much as she has blown hot and cold over the years.DM even scattered Df ashes and only told us on FB which caused a huge rift.to see a.photo of the beauty spot just before Xmas.
How can I help her?wwyd?

What help do you think she needs? You say she is a strong woman; she felt strong enough to scatter your father's ashes without support, so she is moving forward.

Hands free, honest it's a life saver time wise.

Call her whilst you are getting your stuff ready for the next morning. Takes 5 minutes a day.

I'd also speak to your siblings and ask them to step up a bit now you are working more. They might say no but they might not.

I.have.tried the siblings previously trying to get brothers and two CSIS to chip in.when DM went with one CSIS on the spur of the moment to scatter dfs ashes I was cut off by both d sis as I queried if the beauty spot was chosen of if the event had happened as I was at work until 11 pm.DM has not been fair with anyone over the years...I just feel eaten up seeing her alone.Her heating was on the blink for months.
She didn't visit me.when my dcs were tiny so I know what lonely feels like.we live in the same town.

She had a rant about no one offering a lift to the crematorium or staying the night with her......she told me she was going to hire a fancy black car to go in.she went.with us one the day.

I'm not sure why you're worrying so much. She doesn't seem to need it

There seems to be a lot of anger towards her surrounding your DF passing and the arrangements made after wards,

You should talk to her about it or it will eat away at you.

She can't get anywhere.and has her. Own health issues...they both battled cancer and Dad succumbed over the last several years.
Everyone popped round while Dad was very I'll.Now they have disappeared.Surely loneliness is a.dreadful thing? She seems angry everyone has gone and I can see that.

Yes Black she did cause upset when my dSIS said should you tell everyone she said they will call when they see it on Facebook..
DM doesn't help herself however I would hate to be her situation after 54 years with someone.

It does rather sound as if she's reaping what she sowed tbh.

I know but I still feel sorry for her.When she called social services.on me when my DC were young thinking I wasn't feeding them enough they apologised and said it must be hard having a DM like that.She is hyper critical and we. ve all had therapy.....I always forgive her ways.

Well you’re a bigger person than me.

I just see a vulnerable old lady....my siblings have had enough of her.Dad would expect us to help her even though she used to tell me to ask my neighbours when I needed anything like help with my dcs.my dh and I had no support.we worked opposite hours to make ends meet.

one li left as the bosses took my large tax rebate and all the staff left.

I don't understand this bit - over paid tax would be sent to you, not your employer

I always had this and so when df died I rang to. Laim my rebate to be told my old boss who took over the company claimed it from previous work before the transfer!!!.I rang tax again and was told it was up to me to take through small claims.my boss claimed he wouldn't pay tax and discouraged us.I paid mine and I knew he took someone's wage of 2 k until they threatened him.I left to be with df during his last weeks then found work straight away.