To wonder if I’m holding my baby back???

[cocobilly]

Background - I was a shy and quiet child which DM hated,she always made it very clear that I was not the type of child she had wanted. As an adult I’m still a quiet person who feels happiest and safest when with my (amazing, loving) DP and 3 very old and close friends. I don’t have any friends where I live now.had years of psychotherapy which has helped me begin to accept myself, but having a baby has brought up a lot for me

I now have DS 17 months old and a happy and friendly baby. I don’t have “mummy friends” or play dates.i force myself to take him to a couple of toddler groups a week but I know no one and am always by myself or with DS

I’m worried Im holding him back by not being more social. Worried nobody will invite him for play dates when he gets older because of me,,,Has anyone been in a similar situation? Will my DS be okay? :( so anxious

Not everyone is outgoing. Im not particularly but have the mind of job that forces me to be so when I'm not at work I prefer peace and quiet and the company of my DC, DH and close family and friends. I don't socialise a lot. One of my D'S is quite outgoing, the other is more reserved. I think you'll find your DS is just fine xx

Sorry about errors and rubbish punctuation. I have a new phone :-(

At 17 months he is absolutely fine with you, your DH and other toddlers that he interacts with at the groups you go to.

So you have a long time to prepare yourself.

However, I would say that when he gets to age 3 or 4 onwards, then it will become more important. He will start making friends (rather than 'parallel play' which is the stage he's at currently) and he may want to invite his friends to play. Would you be able to do that? Invite a friend of his over even though you don't know their mum or dad?

Thanks for the replies......yes i think I will find it easier to arrange play dates if DS is the one wanting to have someone over, and if it’ll just be one or two people there instead of a group....

My mum would be like you, and I imagine when we were young the idea of a baby and toddler group would've been her idea of hell.

I'm a bit more outgoing than she is, and my sister much more so. Neither of us have ever for a second thought our lovely mum held us back in the slightest, for any reason.

People are different, and that's ok.

Once he starts nursery and school is when things like playdates really start, in my experience. My daughter is now 6 and has a friend over once a week or so. It's easier once they're making friends at school. We very rarely had 'playdates' when she was so little, apart from my one main 'mummy friend' who we lived across the road from and had a daughter the same age.

He's not even 2 yet, don't be so hard on yourself. You are all he needs right now. Friendships and playdates will come in time. You're not doing anything wrong.

My parents aren't sociable at all, but I wouldn't say that made a difference. The important thing is that you support and encourage your child in their own socialbility - e.g. making sure they have opportunities to go to places, talking to them about their friendships and making sure they're ok with what they want socially.

E.g. if they're introverted but happily so, don't worry, and if they're social butterflies, let them go for it.

It matters more when they are at school tbh ... i do think it's important to support them socially and with friendships when they are at school by making links with other mums .

Im glad i did it for my two.