to think DS will be OK?

[waitingappt]

DS is 16 and we found out he's been smoking weed "only at parties" since he was 15 and a half. I am so anxious. I keep fast forwarding into the future and seeing heroin and a stoner and a ruined life.

He claims it's been 4 or 5 times. DH and I are not fools and are open, and understand that teens do all kinds of stuff and turn out OK.

However now it's happened, I've developed a tremendous anxiety that I never had before. I keep thinking he's going to end up down the wrong path. His friends are nice (apart from the weed), he definitely doesn't drink, is training for a half marathon. Just a typical lazy teen.

I am so worried now. He is going to be OK, isn't he?

Posters can put up platitudes (as some have) but tbh no-one knows if he'll be ok. I know people who smoked as teens and then stopped. I know some who continued into adulthood, struggled to hold down jobs and are crippled with depression. And then as a PP pointed out there is the criminal aspect of it. Teens automatically assume they're invincible but sadly they're not.

Lovelyladies, I don't want my son to be a stoner, harmless or not. Thank you though!
Fanny, I don't have anxiety, I am surprised at how badly I am feeling about this. Maybe it's because I work in law and have seen so much potential just been wasted.
I think it's the mental health aspect that's worrying me more. I really think weed today is incredibly strong and doctored.

I am an addict have been since late 20's (48 now) - people lighten it and say stoner, habitual user but actually I do depend on it.

My DH would say he is a stoner, would not class himself as an addict at all - but he is.

The thing is, it doesn't stop us going out or socialising with friends - we just have a joint when we get in (unless I have been drinking, then I can't). It doesn't stop us working, DH is in same job he has been in for 10 years with some promotions. I am a director of company have worked at for over 20 years. We have stopped before but always gone back to it - not something I am proud of and most people do not know we use it.

However, I have friends that have used it and not been able to hold down a job. I know one person who has had a cannabis induced psychotic episode.

In reality, no it does not seem to have had a massively negative impact on either DH or me and yes I can see why it is likened to alcohol on the basis that some react badly and some don't.

If I was you then no I would not want him doing it but equally not sure how you police it.

It is the age old debate - if it was legalised then it could be regulated to ensure that what people where having was ok to consume as well as the benefits of massive revenue etc - but it isn't so too big a risk for a young person whose brain is still developing.

Impossible for you to police his usage. With hindsight if I were you I would keep a very close eye that if he contuse with weed that he only smoked in social situations, that he did not withdraw from friends and social life and that his school work and attendance was not affected.
You'll get people come on here and say ground him, stop all money etc but IMO thats just going to stop communication between you both and will not have the required result.

Hi if there is any history of mental health issues in your families he needs to be careful. It can and does trigger psychotic episodes in young people. Skunk is the worst for this.
There's a website called FRANK that has some information.

A lot of people did it at school and turned out fine, not everyone though.

Is it possible your child has too much pocket money? Drugs are expensive and I remember those who were given a lot of money were more likely to buy a lot of weed or cocaine. I was given £15 a month (10 yrs ago) so smoked weed very rarely. Some of those who got the £30/week EMA called it drugs money!

Our form tutor told us once when talking about drugs that every time you alter your mental state there's a chance your brain will never work the same again. A simplified way of explaining it (year 8 at the time) but I always remembered that and thought it wasn't really worth the risk.

Also it might be worth reminding your child that if they get too in to drugs etc, at best they will become very boring to everyone else who has real interests and will end up isolated. At worst they will sabotage their relationships, studies, career, finances, health, etc etc.

Weed is not expensive unfortnunately

My handsome incredibly intelligent brother has had depression and anxiety since he was a teenager. I have always wondered if his teenage weed habit contributed. So I don’t blame you tbh

Oh and another thing is that weed might be fine normally but there are much stronger strains of it out there these days and other stuff could be in it too. I heard of fibre glass being put in it to make it look like it had a lot of THC crystals which obviously caused people serious lung damage.

Someone at our school hot boxed in a cupboard on his own and burst a load of blood vessels in his eye. Sounds a bit extreme but when smoking it becomes normal, after a while people sometimes try to make it more interesting and that doesn't always go well for them!

What hollybayreee said.

My son starting smoking weed at 14/15,was heavily addicted for several years spending £200 a week at times. He's got a criminal record, been sectioned and in and out of hospital several times, tried to commit suicide (slashed his throat) and at the age of 23 was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. His memory is poor and he's never had a proper job.

He is well now, has an injection every four weeks of his anti psychotic meds and is picking up the pieces of his life.

My son would tell anyone who would listen to steer well clear. The only drug he never tried was heroin (because that's what drug addicts use and he wasn't one!!).

Because of his criminal record he is unable to get the type of job where he could go into schools and share his experience, but that's what these kids need. Someone they can relate to who has tread the path they are treading.

My sons addiction caused untold damage to our family, the only thing that kept me going was I knew deep down he was a good lad and hoped one day he would give it up. Thankfully that day dawned.

I can't offer any advice really as everything we tried from supporting, enabling, going no contact, didn't work. He had counselling to try to give it up and all the help and support. None of it worked until he decided one day that was it. He literally stopped and has never gone back to any drug.

Good luck I hope your son is one of the lucky ones, mine wasn't.

Perhaps you should show him this post.

I know someone who smoked cannabis so heavily in their 20s they barely functioned who is now happily married, SLT in a high school, DSM of two.

I also know someone who smoked cannabis so heavily at the same age that they now live in supported housing, have cannabis induced schizophrenia and have had a complete breakdown of all family relationships.

It is very much a lottery as to whether you will become the former or latter when you pick up a spliff, people do write it off as generally harmless a lot, and it really isn't. The outcomes can be dramatic for the unlucky.

ifanciedanamechange I am so pleased your DS has stopped but goodness me what a price you have all paid. He must be an amazing individual to have stopped like that. I wish you and he a healthy future

It is astonishing how many professions smoke weed. It’s like a whole sub culture. Very much not something I am into but I’m aware of it.

@Alisvolatpropiis and not just weed that a whole load of professionals use either!

That’s true enough, Sleeping!

I’m sure I once saw a documentary about functioning heroin addicts, I think they all smoked it rather than injected. Most of them were professionals. That was genuinely eye opening. It had never really crossed my mind before that that there was such a thing as a functioning heroin addict.

A lot of teenagers with mental health problems smoke drugs to help them feel better - that’s one explanation for the cannabis/ schizophrenia link. There’s a lot of correlation not causation here

I think that’s true too, Twist.

I know someone, an adult, who has bipolar and smokes cannabis to self medicate, has done since their teens. I assume they also take their medication as they’ve not had a MH episode in the time I’ve known them. I wouldn’t however argue that the person is one of the professionals doing a splendid job of keeping their life on track, but functions well enough.

I agree with twistinthenight - a lot of people self medicate.

It's true that many (may be most) teens who smoke pot turn out just fine. None the less, if I found out my 16 year old was smoking, I would put a lot more structure in their life. I've seen enough people wreck their lives with substances that I would not let my own child go quietly that direction.

What else is going on in his life? School? Work? Volunteering? Dreams and plans for the future? He clearly has too much time on his hands. I think it is significant that he started at 15, rather than at 18 or 19. It's young.

Does he currently have a strong desire to go to Uni? if so, maybe the brain dev aspect would put him off, or keep his use minimal. The brain does undergo a big developmental change at 18/19, if I remember my Uni lectures right. There'll have been loads more research since '90s though, so they'll know a lot more about it now. Check the research.