To get annoyed when people ask me a question, but don't want to listen to the answer?

[Tallzarabelle]

I'm starting to think that this is a problem with me, because I've noticed a few people doing this.

People ask me a question, it could be anything, "are the dc enjoying school", "what are you having for inner", "where are you going on holiday". Sometimes it's more exact stuff, like fil was asking me about my working hours.

They ask the question, then when I start to answer they either start talking about something else, completely done out, or even walk off!

I find it quite hurtful and embarrassing, but as more than one person does this to me, I'm starting to think it's a problem with me.

That should have said 'dinner', and 'zone out'.

It happens to me but on the phone with official people. They ask me to (say) spell my surname and when I get half way through they interrupt me to ask me to start again
Or if I ring up with an enquiry people seem to be expecting "the script" and haven't got their brains in gear for anyone who might deviate

Is there a chance that you go on a bit OP? Maybe people expect a couple of sentences reply and you ramble on?

I think everyone interrupts everyone - we are all more interested in talking than listening.

In the nicest possible way, are you sure you don't ramble on?

I have a few colleagues at work that I now actively avoid asking questions as a simple 'How are you?' can turn into at least 15 minutes of details about their illnesses, what treatment they are receiving, what the doctor said etc etc etc.

That's what I'm wondering, if I ramble on. I didn't think I did.

I guess if you ask a question and were expecting a 5 word answer, then you weren't truly interested in the answer?

For example I've a friend whose mother is very ill, if I ask how her mum is it's never going to be a quick answer, because I know she's unwell.

I honestly think a lot of people have poor listening skills. It’s a pet hate of mine.

Though I do understand the ramblers too. They have no listening skills either.

It’s like people in a meeting who like the sound of their own voice.

Also two of the people that do this like the sound of their own voices.

My fil for example likes telling us what to do, be it about the dc, our finances, my working hours, our home, but if I try to explain that won't work, he zones out.

Tall - it's not entirely true that people aren't interested in the answer, it depends on the context of where/how you are asking the question.

I referred above to one of my colleagues - sadly her mother has been ill (died two weeks ago) but even so, after five years of asking after her mother it is really not appropriate when at work to give very, very long descriptive answers about her mother's illness, hospital treatment, how other members of the family are dealing with it, who isn't speaking to who, how much a taxi costs to visit the mother, who needs to do mother's washing and other endless details.

We are in a working environment, however 'kind' I want to be I cannot (and don't want to) stop work for 30 minutes + to discuss these details.

If you are meeting someone in a social situation and you have time to sit and chat then it's obviously a bit different, but even then people do need to be aware of 'hogging' the conversation.

It depends really. If I ask 'how was your weekend?' I'm hoping to hear 'great thanks' or 'great, went out to dinner on Saturday and it was nice'.

I don't want to hear where they went, at what time, how they got there and what every person present had for every course

Ragwort oh yes I can understand that. This isn't at work, I definitely don't go into such details.

I don't think I do any of that, but I'll try to be mindful not to.

Annoying thing is that some people expect me to listen to every intimate detail of their life or how I should run my life, but don't like me to respond.

I'll admit I don't always keep to 5 words or so, but don't go beyond 5-6 sentences.

My DD refers to people who ask questions but don't want to hear the answers as "ask holes".

Beat me to it.

Happens to me too op. Woman I used to work with did it all the time. In the end i basically started ignoring her. She would ask a question wouldn't actually let me answer before saying something else. Wasn't because i was rambling I hadn't even said 2 words. My mil does it to me too. Talks over me and ignores when I talk to her

I'll admit I don't always keep to 5 words or so, but don't go beyond 5-6 sentences. 5-6 sentences is a lot. Try stopping after the first sentence and seeing if the questioner wants you to continue - if the do, they'll ask a supplementary question. FiL wanted "it's about 40 hours over 5 days", not "on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday I start at 8.30, but on Weds and Fri I have to take the children to school so I don't start till 9.30, that means on those days I don't finish till 6pm, except that sometimes...."

Most questions are no more than "I like you and I would like to keep open a channel of communication with you". Might even be "on a 1-10 scale, how well is life going for you at the moment?". They want the headline summary, not the full picture, doesn't mean to say they're not interested in and concerned for you.

Aged parent does it to me, but in their case it's because they spend whole day listening to the radio, so when I'm there, their real need is to talk. That's a different problem entirely, and now I've understood the reason, I'm OK with it

Maybe the problem is tha

Unfortunately it isn't really like that.

Fil said to me yesterday "you don't really need to do x and x hours at work now, do you"? He didn't just ask what hours I did.

When I replied simply with "I do because of childcare". He asked if I was the only working mum at work and what everyone else does.

I simply responded with one has grandparents to help, another works around her husbands shift patterns.

Fil has zoned out before I got to the word grandparents.

Perhaps I just don't know how to have a co conversation, I'm a bloody good listener though, and regularly listen to more than 5 sentences off other people..