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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've thrown the mothers day card away ...

38 replies

Peachsnowpop · 18/02/2018 20:20

Brought it for H to give to his mum (his mum will be away for mothers day), if I didn't buy one she wouldn't get one. I brought it off my own back (ie I was out and thought I'd get one for him to give to her seeing as she will be away on the actual day). Tonight i passed him the card and said 'here this for your mum', to which he replied 'dont give that to me now or leave it there'.

I've now binned the card, how ungrateful.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 18/02/2018 21:24

buddhababy123

Controlling? She (misguidedly) thought she was doing him a favour! he's clearly never asked her to stop!

DPotter · 18/02/2018 21:25

Absolutely Shoxfordian. The sad thing is this continues. I’m in my 50’s and this happened 25 years old or more. Another generation tied to the same wife work belief system.

phoenix1973 · 18/02/2018 21:25

My mil gave me an address book with all his family's addresses and birthdays in! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I just told her I would give it to her son and fingers crossed he used it!
I don't deal with his families birthdays.
They used to text me asking what they should buy him. Fucked if I know, I struggle with ideas myself. So I used to text them back saying, sorry, don't know why dont you text him?
Yadnbu.

DPotter · 18/02/2018 21:26

25 years ago.

Shoxfordian · 18/02/2018 21:33

Yeah it definitely continues; not helpful to the OP here but obviously best not to start it in the first place in a relationship.

I can understand the impulse to help your partner but this is his job. It's his mother/family and his relationship with them. He never says thanks because he just expects this of the OP now because she's done it so long.

I'm guessing you do much more housework as well OP

pictish · 18/02/2018 21:34

Did he ask you to buy him a card to give to his mum early because she would be away for Mother’s Day?

MyLovelyHorseAndNewNameNow · 18/02/2018 21:36

I remember the first Christmas I was with ExH. He gave me a list from his mother. On it, it said that SIL would like a certain brand of black socks for work for Christmas.

I was 'What the fuck do I need to know that for?'

It's insidious.

upsideup · 18/02/2018 21:46

All that I refuse to buy cards for HIS family or arrange plans with HIS family is ridiculous, you are in a relationship and they are your Sil/BiL/Mil/Fil etc and your Dc's auntie/uncle/grandparent.
I would get a card for my DH's family members just as much as he would get a card for my family members, if I'm going shopping and his Dn needs a present I will get one, if hes going shopping and my dn needs a present he will get one, it just makes sense its not a huge effort on either of our parts to help each other out. You are grownups who are meant to be working together, playing thats mine and that is yours or im not helping you and you cant help me is pathetic.
He didnt even ask you to get the card, it was completely your decision to pick one up anyway but why did you throw the card away when he didnt give you a trophy for picking up a card when you were already out shopping anyway? that seems a very childish reaction to a minor problem and you are the one who lost out because you paid for it.
Dont buy cards for his family again if you dont want but dont expect him to think of your family or help you out in return, in which case whats the point of even being in a relationship?

gillybeanz · 18/02/2018 21:58

If you have always done it I don't see what he has done wrong.
If you didn't want to do it from the start you should have put your foot down.
I'm sorry, I want to see it, but can't

MyKingdomForBrie · 18/02/2018 21:59

I think the point is @upsideup the OP’s DH would never do it for her so it’s not mutual. Your set up is totally different, obviously very nice but not comparable.

StrangeLookingParasite · 18/02/2018 23:02

I would get a card for my DH's family members just as much as he would get a card for my family members

Yes, but does he?

Ruffian · 18/02/2018 23:13

She's clearly always done it so he expects it

It didn't sound as if he expected it or cared less either way. OP don't be tempted to give the card back again if he asks, just tell him to sort his own card and stop managing his life for him.

correctpiece · 18/02/2018 23:24

I did all the card and gift buying for the ILs. Before he met me DH bought no gifts for his family so you'd think they would like the fact they were now getting remembered, but I got loads of complaints. I had been brought up to never complain about a gift because, well, it's a gift! So I left it to DH so they got nothing again.

Throw the card away OP, or pop it into a charity shop.

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