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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel like a bad mom

12 replies

Twocatsonebaby · 18/02/2018 18:08

My dd is 10 months. I've never felt love like it for her. She's the most precious thing in this world to me. Just I feel like I don't do enough for her.
I take on the main childcare duties. Changing her, bathing her, feeding her etc. I try and do as much as I can with her that I can afford. She loves the swings at the park etc but she's just constantly crying and I don't feel like I can make her happy. She always has everything she needs, she's not getting any teeth through right now and she's trying to walk. (she's really frustrated) but I just still don't feel like I do enough because she doesn't seem.. Happy? When we're out everyone comments they've never seen a happier baby. She's always smiling but at home she just seems miserable and always getting frustrated always fighting me etc.
Is this the fussy stage

OP posts:
Spanneroo · 18/02/2018 18:34

Some babies are just grumblier than others. My first spoiled us because she was just so happy and giggly and squealy all the time. Barely ever got cross or frustrated. Lit up a room with her beaming smile...

DD2 is 9 months now and lives in a constant state of what I can only describe as "meh". Barely cracks a smile and has probably only really laughed a handful of times. But she also rarely really screams her heart out. She offers us a near constant whinge about all that's wrong with the world. We call her grumblestiltskin.

I think she'll be better once she's talking and can tell us what's up. For now I just try not to take offense and savour the moment when I do manage to make her laugh -usually after I accidentally hurt myself-

Allthewaves · 18/02/2018 18:45

Whispers - dummy was a huge friend with my whiney ds3

TwitterQueen1 · 18/02/2018 18:50

OP, try to remember that babies and toddlers cry so much because they don't have language. They can't tell you that they're hungry / tired / bored / fed up / wet / hyper - the only thing they can do is cry.

You are expected to be a mind-reading superwoman who can tell exactly what the nuance / tone of each cry means.

Obviously you're not superwoman Hmm or maybe you are.... [worries] so of course you will feel unsure and frustrated. I'm 100% sure you are a fab mum. And when your DD learns language things will be much easier [until teenage years and then it goes downhill again] Wink

Original poster
Twocatsonebaby · 18/02/2018 18:52

It's never crying though it's just constant complaining and I can't understand why. I just wish I knew how to make my baby happy again :(

OP posts:
1sttimemama1986 · 18/02/2018 18:59

Please know it is not you, you are doing a great job! It is almost definitely a phase, a developmental leap or some shit. It's tough going, my boy was miserable most the time till about 8 months, it's brutal. It will pass I promise x

Qvar · 18/02/2018 19:00

She's frustrasted that she can't move herself around yet, probably. You might see a huge improvement when she starts walking

Redcliff · 18/02/2018 19:06

My eldest was a bit like this - only really happy if he was outside. Once he could move he was happier - I'm sure it will come.

SluttyButty · 18/02/2018 19:10

All four of mine have been like this as babies/toddlers. Perfectly normal and you’re doing everything right. I finally worked out with my 4th that frustration can make them very grumbly, only took me several years.
As others have said it will pass but it’s tough when you’re going through it. Don’t berate or do yourself down.

skippykips · 18/02/2018 19:26

Op all 3 of mine became 'unhappy' just before they were walking! In my head it was because they knew what they had to do but couldn't do it. They were frustrated! As soon as they became mobile they were happier again! They were happy getting into all the places they had been eyeing up for the best part of the year! They were happy ignoring mummy saying 'no don't play with that' and ignoring her!

We all have those stages when we just feel like the worse Mum in the world.
My eldest is now 10 and I was crying this morning to my DP and my dad because I felt I couldn't do enough for her.
After many hours I calmed down and realised I am crying because I care so much and I love her so much! Any child who has a parent who loves them so much that they are constantly looking for ways to make their child happy is a loved child! A loved child is not the child of a bad mum! I hope this makes sense! Thanks

kaytee87 · 18/02/2018 19:31

Is she getting enough sleep?
2-3 naps a day totalling around 3 hours then around 11 hours at night?
Could she be hungry?
Does she have enough toys to keep her entertained at home (also nothing wrong with baby tv for half an hour to fill some time).
Some babies just go through whiny stages.

wetpebbles · 18/02/2018 19:42

Mine is a grumplestiltskin as well, she was soooo frustrated just before she started walking, and then again just before her language took off, she now grumbles and whines when she can't do her clothes and shoes etc. It is nothing to do with being a bad mum. You have a determined child!

RadioGaGoo · 18/02/2018 19:45

I find singing cheers my 10 month DS up.

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