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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if anyone here has proposed to their OH

34 replies

FatBottomedGal · 18/02/2018 17:29

Just that really! I’d love to hear some stories from women who’ve proposed to their partners, why they decided to do it, how they did it, how it went down with their OH & friends/family.

I’m very much ready to get married and I don’t necessarily see why I should wait for my OH to pop the question first, but I’m also worried about him saying no, or feeling weird about it?

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Doctordonowt · 18/02/2018 17:32

Not sure if this counts . I had been to 4 weddings in quick succession. I got rather drunk at the last one and said, “everyone’s getting married. I want to get married” . He said “Alright then”. Not the most romantic proposal or location, but we celebrate our Golden Wedding next year.

expatinscotland · 18/02/2018 17:33

No. I wouldn't ever ask someone to marry me. Not my cuppa tea.

PaperdollCartoon · 18/02/2018 17:36

Have you talked to him about wanting to get married? Are you on the same page?

DaisyLand · 18/02/2018 17:36

I did while we were traveling around the west coast of America.
Why ? God knows ! Just knew he’d be surprised as I had always said i wasn’t into marriage. In the nowadays world also I didn’t believe in the”woman needs to wait for man to Get married” we had been living together for a while so that was bigger commitment for me than the wedding itself. Bless him he panicked , said yes and run away for a cigarette haha then he came back with a few beers to celebrate it while we watched the sunset.

Why do you think he’d say no ?

RowenaDedalus · 18/02/2018 17:36

I did! I did a proposal somewhere that means something special to us and somewhere we had joked about coming back to on anniversaries etc in the past. I didn't get down on one knee because it was in public but I did propose and he shed a little tear!
Family were totally normal about it but I had a few strange reactions, mainly from men, who were a bit difficult about how I had proposed. My DH was happy though and that's all that matters

mineallmine · 18/02/2018 17:37

I did but we'd already had lots of conversation about a our future together so I knew he planned to spend the future with me. we were together 3 years by then and I was ready for the next step. I'd still be waiting for him to get around to it! 21 years married now.

lookingforthecorkscrew · 18/02/2018 17:48

Yes, me! I proposed on NYE. DH is great, but procrastinates over things for so long that by the time he'd gotten round to we'd have both been in our forties.

We conceived our first DC on honeymoon.

I have no regrets but DH does feel a bit of regret that I didn't get a lovely proposal like some women (I don't care though)

Bambamber · 18/02/2018 17:52

Not exactly a proposal but I just sort of told him we were going to get married and we got on with planning it. We had previously discussed it so knew we both wanted to, but I would have been waiting a long time for him to propose as he wasn't overly bothered by the idea of getting married.

Original poster

FatBottomedGal · 18/02/2018 17:53

Paperdoll yes we have! We’ve been together 4 years, we’ve discussed our future and family expectations etc. Hes said a few times that I’m the girl he’s going to marry but I suppose I’m just quite keen to get the ball rolling.

I think I’m just worried that if it’s left to him he’ll go down the traditional route of asking my mum permission, spending ages picking out a ring (I actually would prefer to do that together) and planning a proposal which isn’t really for me. We’re both pretty laid back and relaxed people and I kind of just want it to be a simple decision that we discuss together, and it might be easier if I kick it off?

I’m loving these stories!

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Original poster

FatBottomedGal · 18/02/2018 17:54

lookingforthecorkscrew I think this is how I feel - like I know he wants to but if I wait until he decides to ask it could be a loooong time!

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lookingforthecorkscrew · 18/02/2018 17:55

Just do it!

Me and DH will have been married 5 years in Nov. We've been together for 12.

Melinda76 · 18/02/2018 19:07

I did, sort of jokingly on the leap year via email 🙈 so if he refused I could say it was a joke. We had been together 11 years, got married 3 years later and now have a 2 year old daughter 🙂

Sarsparella · 18/02/2018 19:12

My Sil asked my DB and my parents just got married because they spoke about it, agreed & then my mum just went ahead and booked the registry office ASAP!

I think people get too attached to the idea of a ‘proposal’ I think if you want to get married it should be a conversation between two adults, I don’t understand grown women sitting about waiting for a proposal tbh

So, if you want go get married just talk about it then say ok let’s get this booked then :)

Carakanjac · 18/02/2018 19:15

I asked. Well nothing as formal as asking. We already owned a house. He asked what I'd like for Christmas and I said diamonds. He said ok. That was it. Done and dusted. Been married 7 years now

DatsunCogs · 18/02/2018 19:16

Yes, I did. Why not? I got him a ring too. Occasionally i imagine wistfully what it might have been like to have been proposed to, but we got married so I was happy with the result ;)

Thesmallthings · 18/02/2018 19:16

I did.

I ordered special fortune cookies with will you marry me...

And got the waiter to put them on his desert plate after a normal lunch in a restaurant.

He was literally speechless.

He was going to purpose ina couole of months in a exact place. I didn't know but just wanted to do it.

LadyLaSnack · 18/02/2018 19:20

I didn't ask him, but he didn't ask me either. We just had a chat about it. No proposal story, which seemed to disappoint a lot of friends! We only had 6 people at the wedding though - all family, so from start to finish was very low key.

maddening · 18/02/2018 19:21

I did with the help of mumsnet 😃

parttimebarstaff · 18/02/2018 19:25

We made the decision together, my soon to be husband wanted to propose under the northern lights but with two children that wasn't going to happen anytime soon!! So we just went ring shopping and set the date. I know he struggled with the lack of proposal more than me, but I feel it suits our relationship. I like the fact the such an important part of our lives was decided together, we are also walking up the aisle together and both taking each other's name. It wouldnt suit everyone though, I have friends who think we haven't done it proper nor does the MIL to be!!! but each to there own.

Original poster

FatBottomedGal · 18/02/2018 19:27

Sarsparella yes, I agree with that so much! The thought of a big proposal actually scares me a bit - I really just want it to be a really simple discussion and I think I’ve worked myself up a bit thinking I’m weird - glad to hear there are others like me!

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Thingsthatgo · 18/02/2018 19:30

I did. We were at a festival, listening to one of our favourite bands, (but it was mellow rather than a mosh pit!). I felt a really warm glow of pure happiness and I realised I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, so I proposed. He was thrilled. He went to find champagne (I have no idea how at a festival, he said that he told the beer tent he’d just agreed to get married and they magicked some up!).
He moved one of the rings I was wearing onto my engagement finger.
A few months later he got down on one knee, with a ring he commissioned from a jeweller friend. (He said he wanted to ‘have a go at proposing too’!)

YearOfYouRemember · 18/02/2018 19:37

I did. He said no. We'd only been together a month but I wanted to take advantage of it being a leap year . Now married for 18 years.

PrinceofWales · 18/02/2018 19:43

I did.

He said no.

Still with him.

mayhew · 18/02/2018 19:43

He said "we've been together 10 years. Let's have a good party" I said "Yes, let's get married!" We did.

Original poster

FatBottomedGal · 18/02/2018 20:30

PrinceofWales are you married now?

This thread has made me feel SO much better, I think I’m gonna go for it! It’s my birthday in a few weeks and we’re planning on having a nice evening together, I may do it then!

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