To not know what I can do about this FB message I've received

[scarfmisuseissues]

Have namechanged for this.

There's a long backstory re: my ex and his new gf that is too tedious to go into, but suffice to say the coparenting relationship has totally broken down since she appeared on the scene, and I've had to involve the police due to him sending me threatening emails.

The dc are with their dad this weekend and I have just received a message from a friend/acquaintance saying she wasn't sure whether to tell me but would want to know herself. She saw my dc with dad and gf in a supermarket and said she couldn't believe how gf was speaking to my youngest (7). She apparently raised her voice and said he couldn't have something he was asking for as 'that's why your father gives your mother money so tell her to buy it for you'. Friend was shocked at how nasty gf was and went in to clarify that ex was standing next to her nodding as she shouted at him.

For the record this month was his first ever CMA payment after paying nothing for 2 years. He pays £35 which would basically cover their school dinners, but I'm actually saving it for when they're adults.

There's nothing I can do bar keeping an eye on this is there? I consulted SS last year re: her being around the children (other issues/her actions made me believe she was unsafe) but they aren't going to be interested in this.

Contact us court ordered via a CAO, part of which stipulates that ex and I are not to speak negatively of one another in front of the children, but she isn't bound by this.

If you've been been through court already then you likely have a solicitor who already knows everything that has happened - go see them, or arrange a time for a telephone consultation. They can advise you.

It's important that your ex and his gf realise that child maintenance is for you to cover the costs of housing and feeding the children - basically, the money you lose by not living with a partner to share the load. It is for the basic care of the child first, and ay thing extra and your own money can be used however you see fit. They cannot go about telling the kids that "daddy gives mummy money so we're not going to buy you sweets/toys/treats". When he has the kids, he is solely responsibly for them and that includes little treats if he wants to/can afford it. If he doesn't want to or can't then he needs to tell the kids that - he cannot be blaming you.

Your solicitor can write a letter explaining that if you want him too - mine had to do something similar (but the kids and I no longer have any contact at all so I don't have to worry now) or you could speak to them, but they need to understand that you're putting a roof over the kids' heads and feeding/clothing them so your ex and his gf cannot decide where you should spend the money.

I was litigant in person at court as I didn't find my solicitor very helpful, and I wasn't intimidated by being there.

I'm not sure whether to make him aware of what I've been told. It will almost 100% definitely result in some kind of retaliation. Last time it was him trying to get me struck off my professional register with a vexatious complaint.

Well that doesn't sound good; if he's going to come after you like that, then maybe it's better to leave it a little while and gently ask the kids if dad got them any treats when they were out (if they ever tell you about a day trip or something). If they repeat what has been said, then you can talk to them or at least have more than one instance to discuss with your ex.
I'd say something, but my ex was barely interested in the kids so he didn't really care enough to retaliate, and eventually just decided he didn't want to see them anymore - there weren't any repercussions for me. Him choosing to have no contact was better for the long run... It doesn't sound like you'd have the same luck.

Your poor kids. God how awful for them. I'd have a chat with them anyway and reassure them that they can tell you anything and won't get in trouble and hope they come to you if they feel unhappy with her.

Hearty that's pretty much what I've done, and they are happy now.

It was socks he wanted. A pack of basic plain black socks for his main extracurricular. That I pay for and supply all uniform for.

I have ordered him some bloody socks. Poor little thing.