To feel crushed

[mrsdoublebarrel]

Even though this is probably a common situ I am sitting outside my mums care home in the car, and a woman from the upstairs Dementia unit is crying and shouting that "she wants to go home to her Mum, will someone please take me" and "I'm so hungry please will someone give me some food" and "will somebody please help me". She's still asking for something to eat and I've been sat here ages now.

Sigh , this is probably a very normal thing in dementia patients but it's getting to me.

YANBU. It is a normal thing in dementia patients. My mother spent the last three years of her life in a care home. . It's hard I know.

Sadly I think it’s very common. I remember visiting my grandfather and later my father in law on geriatric wards and both times I have memories of distressed patients shouting out ‘help me, help me’ over and over again.

It’s soul destroying to hear these things I know. When my step dads mum was in the early stages and was having moments of it, she told my step dad that “it’s worse for you to watch it happen than it is to be going through it, I promise you that”. Which comforted him, and I always hope was the truth

it's very upsetting to hear someone so distressed. I was in hospital with a lady who spent the whole night crying out for her dad and shouting "please help me". She was safely in bed and didn't need/want anything the nurses offered. I think she was just scared. It must be terrifying not to understand what is going on.

Oh god op I feel your pain. In fact I often try and avoid visiting my dad who is late stage dementia in a care home because of the other patients. I’m so torn about it I feel such guilt. But I can’t cope with all the wailing and crying and shouting. I know they are all well cared for. It just seems to be the way. My dad fortunately I’d not a shouter or wailer but many of the others seem to be. There’s one guy who gets upset because he still thinks he’s a lorry drivers and he’s going to be late to his destination

It’s so horrible, my Nan died last week and every time I went to visit her she would tell me her Mum had just been (My Nan was 97 she pretty sure she hasn’t) and that the nurses wouldn’t give her water just G&Ts pretty sure they didn’t. They don’t understand or may have just eaten and forgotten that have had some food. Don’t worry too much, sadly it’s part and parcel of dementia.

Oh OP. :( My grandmother had this and it was horrible to witness. My mum and aunt were on pins all the time and I know that my mum felt a constant 'awful to be there - just as bad not to be there' thing.

I'm sure it is right that it's worse to be on the outside than the actual sufferer. My gran said that once when she was lucid.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this with your own mum.

a normal part of dementia I'm afraid.

It's heartbreaking to hear. My dad is in a nursing home because of physical disabilities and I've heard several of the other residents crying for their mums. The care staff I've seen in action are wonderful at distracting them but sadly overstretched. Dementia is a cruel, cruel thing :(

Fortunately my dm is just in for palliative cancer but has a lot of confusion due to location of tumour.

Mum has dementia. Understand this. It is heartbreaking. Horrible illness.

It really is sad. When I was in hospital, a woman was crying because she hadn't had her pudding. She called my mum in to help her and there were two empty pudding pots on her tray. The nurses were just ignoring her because they were used to it. It was horrible to hear her so upset.

It breaks your heart. There were several like this in my Mum's nursing home. Dementia is a dreadful disease. My mum was always wanting to go home to her mum.

My dp said "please just kill me if I ever get to that stage". I hope by the time we are that age self euthanasia will be allowed in UK.

Having watched my grandmother suffer a horrible decline due to dementia over a number of years I have promised myself that should I get to that stage I will end it myself. My partner has the same opinion.
I'd actually quite like to put a DNR on my medical records at a certain point of my choosing.

My grandmother and mother had dementia and were in homes for the last years of their life and it still haunts me to this day that they seemed afraid and lonely with no idea what was happening to them. They had hallucinations constantly and thought they'd been kidnapped and held prisoner, starved and tortured. Neither were. They were in a lovely home, well cared for and loved by us. It's just part of what happens with dementia. My mother thought my sister was plotting against her and stealing from her. She accused her of all sorts (stealing her jewelry, bag, make-up etc..) all were right beside her and when we showed her she'd be calm for five minutes but would then forget and off she'd go again. She always said 'if ever I get like my mother, kill me.' Poor thing. If only she knew. It was and still is heartbreaking. I'm dreading getting old in case I get it too. I too hope they have lawful euthanasia by that time too.

My grandfather was in a home for about 10 years before he died. He was suffering from senility too but was one of the 'luckier' ones. He knew who his family were when we went to see him and could tell you things that happened 50 years ago, but hadn't a clue about what happened an hour ago.

He didn't really know where he was but was happy enough to be there and didn't know who the nurses were but would tell them that he'd take them to the dance at the weekend. They'd smile and say 'That's great, I'll see you then' and he'd be happy.

Sadly I remember seeing other patients there who weren't as happy and did get very upset and frustrated. It's very hard, both on the person themselves, but on their family too :(